What do you think of looking at dancers in a bar?

Last night I went to a bar with my significant other, first time where there were dancers, two of them I have to admit had very nice bodies, but the other two were kind of out of shape. Anyway, we came to see this band because it was our friend's birthday and almost the whole time my boyfriend was staring at the really skinny one who was dancing the most, I asked him do you think she looks sexy and he was like I don't think I should answer that. I said just answer it, he said yes I do. We were both kind of tipsy so I told him later on, "why don't you just stare at her all night?" And the whole thing was just stressful for me. Later he said to his other friend on the ride home how he saw other couples and the guys weren't allowed to look at the girls because their woman would be too jealous. He said to me "I am glad you let me look at them, they are just a body to look at, you are the one I love." I was like of course, maybe I could learn some tips off them haha." But secretly inside I am so disturbed by this for some reason. What do you think?

I just want to know your opinions guys and girls, I don't know if I should let this one slide or tell him about it. What would a confident woman do?


Most Helpful Guy

  • I'm answering this immaterial of whethre it's male or female in your place. Trust and believe it if you can. To trust and believe this I think and know one has to be confident of self - I am :)

    Saying that it's disrespect to one's man / woman by the woman / man is a matter of one's own ego and insecurity.

    The male species in humans is made in a specific way as is a woman.

    The male perceives situations differently as does a woman.

    It is not true that all males are visual and all women are emotional, there are situations that are vice versa too.

    A male generally enjoys a woman dancing etc & tends to ogle if he likes someone. He doesn't see it as emotional or sentimental or love. It's generally treated more as a 'letting your hair down' situation. A woman does not like it cause she connects everything like sex, sexuality to emotion, love and sentiment. That is how man is and so is how a woman is. Exceptions exist in every case.

    In this case, your boyfriend / significant other took you along to a bar where women danced. He did not hide it from you by doing it alone. This is respect and love towards and for you respectively. All he did was enjoy it his way.

    Looking at a skinny woman does not mean he likes her better than you. As an example, I prefer curvy women anyday (curvier the better), but I do tend to get kinky for skinny women at times (not all though). Something about them sometimes catches my eye. Likewise it may have been for your bf.

    He did not hide in a closet thinking about her but described it to a friend probably in your presence.

    Nature would not have made us differently if it didn't mean us to coexist, love each other or procure kids etc. We like and love each other generally not only because of similarites but also for the opposite most times.

    It creates a better relationship to understand each other as species alongwith understanding each other as different people. It's more about respecting each other the way we are rather than suffocating each other with our own ideals, likes / dislikes and insecurity related ego.

    His statement "I'm glad you let me ..." is one of happiness and pride for you being his woman. You will kill all that by thinking egoistically and personalizing a stray situation (may not be so stray but you are the one he loves). He believed in you, trusted you and let his hair down in your presence. You will let him down by your insecurity.

    A confident person leave alone a woman will understand all this and be at ease with herself / himself rather than being insecure and imposing sanctions. :)


What Guys Said 1

  • You go to a bar where there's dancers, guys will look at them. That's the same as putting a pyramid of all the best varities of chocolate in the middle of a room filled with women and expect them to come out with a clean mouth


What Girls Said 2

  • It would've been more respectful of him not to. Obviously you shouldn't be jealous, but the lack of respect would bother me too. Your boyfriend knew it was bothering you when you kept making comments, but while all the other boyfriends were doing their best to ignore the dancers, your boyfriend wasn't. Why is that? Sure, every guy is going to look every once in a while. But to downright stare with your girlfriend by your side, that's an immature male you've got on your hands. Put the situation in reverse and there is a sexy male showing off his huge package that you keep staring at all night. You think he wouldn't get jealous/pissed off? Of course he would. He's just hoping he can convince you it's Okay for him to do it, but hope you never will.

  • If it bothered you then you should tell him or if you don't want to then just don't say anything. Although they will never know if it truly bothered you and if they do something like that or similar to that again then they would just think it's okay with you and it wouldn't matter.