Ladies and gents, is my height a problem?

I need a bit of help where confidence is concerned. I'm not the best looking guy a, but not the worst either, but one thing that makes me somewhat insecure is my height. I know height is like, the be all and end all for women, and for a guy I'm fairly short (well below average for a guy). It's just one of the things that hurt my confidence because even with girls who are shorter than I am, it's sometimes a problem because they want a guy who is tall, not simply "taller than they are."

I know there are shorter guys out there but around here, its minimal. My main problem is competing for girls against guys who are taller than I am in larger social settings. I would say average, but there is nothing else physically about me that really compensates for the height. I've always had difficulty with dating because finding shorter girls takes time, and they still often want guys who are taller than I am haha. My main problem again is simply competing but I just want some female (or male) opinions on how I can win over a girl when I'm "competing" for her with a taller guy


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Most Helpful Girl

  • I took a look at your profile and if that's really you in the pictures, you look above average to me. You have an amazing face with warm sexy eyes that are so beautifully shiny and your lips are sexy too and totally kissable :-). I don't think you have anything to worry about! Yes, many girls like tall men, but it's hardly the be all and end all. Don't be insecure (girls love confidence more than height) and don't think of dating world as some big competition. You have a lot to offer and girls would be lucky to have you - that's the attitude I'd recommend :-). Good luck!

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    • you're too kind, thanks my friend

      I'm just wondering what kind of things I could do as a short guy to make myself be seen as a more viable option to women I've been interested in. What is difficult for me is really just attracting women in a way that makes them actually want to date and take me seriously, you know?

What Girls Said 10

  • Based on my dating track record - turns out I like the 'shorter guy'.

    I mean, I don't purposely go out and look for short guys, but most of the guys I've dated int the past have been on the short side for men; as in shorter than a fair few of my female friends.

    The problem is, you see it as a competition. Which in a way - I guess it is - but not because of your height. Very few women I know care about height that much. Most do simply prefer a guy to be their height or taller; I mean I have no female friends who has a preference for height more than 'at least as tall as me'.

    I think it's something you've convinced yourself is the problem, rather than looking at other areas. Plenty of short guys date plenty of women. There must be something off elsewhere - and it's probably that you're slightly lacking in self confidence because you're so preoccupied with this height thing, which, for MOST girls, isn't that much of an issue.

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    • I just used the word competition for a lack of a better word, but I simply mean having to work to attract a girl when another taller guy is trying also. I find that even if a woman doesn't verbally say they care, there is somehing innate in their subconscious that makes them naturally gravitate towards a taller guy over a much shorter one, unless the tall guy is a real ass or something

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    • Fair enough. The reason I made this question is because I recently lost the girl I was into to this massively tall guy, and the girl was even shorter than I was which made no sense to me. We had hit it off quite well but I don't know how this guy just managed to swoop in and now she's all over him. I just don't understand how women work (I thought I did) and I've just had so much disappointment with all this that I don't even feel like bothering with dating anymore lol.

    • Well - the reason you lost out on her probably didn't have anything to do with your height (and if it was - then she's pretty shallow and lucky escape). It doesn't necessarily mean he was any better than you either ... just better suited. Maybe had better game. Made his intentions clearer. Could have been any number of things.

  • How short are you?

    I can't really advise you to get over this because we all want what we want.

    I can tell you things to butter you up and make you feel better, but the fact of the matter

    is that every one has their preference.

    Even though you may not be has tall has some girls would like,

    the key to it all is being confident in yourself.

    A girl would rather have a guy who is short and secure rather than one who is tall and insecure.

    A persons personality goes real far in many cases.

    If you treat a woman right, the last thing she will be thinking about is how short or tall you are.

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    • I'm just about 5'5. The problem is that in reality, that favorable circumstance you mentioned there "short confident guy over a tall insecure guy" is not one I often come across. Most times, the tall guy I may be "competing" with is honestly a good guy, like I feel I am too (ofc, I'm a biased judge there), and when all things are equal, it really makes it hard for me to break down a womans natural gravitation towards the taller guy. That is what I'm really trying to work at but not sure how

    • Well in that case the girl will gravitate more towards the guy she likes more, or has more in common with. Height is a nice feature but that doesn't mean it will overweigh all of your positives.

  • I am 5'11. I have been with two guys who are shorter, (5'7 and 5'9) and I have gone on a few dates with shorter guys and I also dated a boy the same height. To me, and to many other women, height does not matter. It does not have a role in if you like some one. You are in high school though, and a lot of girls in high school are shallow because they are worried about what others think.

    My current boyfriend is 6'1. I am taller than him in heels. He says, "As long as you feel beautiful, I don't care how much taller your heels make you" He takes me out and shows me off to everyone when I am in my heels. Granted he is 24 and I am 19, so we are done with caring what people think about that kind of thing.

    For now, it sucks, yes, but HEIGHT DOES NOT MATTER. And if any girl says it does, she is shallow and she is looking for the wrong things in a relationship. Granted I would PREFER a guy the same height and me or taller, but that doesn't mean that I am not attracted to shorter men and I would not date shorter men.

    You are a boy, you will be getting taller all the time and into your 20s, so don't worry too much about it. I would date a guy shorter than me, and other girls would too. Don't let it stop you.

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    • Well I'm actually 21 already so I don't think I have too much growing left in me, hah. By the way ,im actually 5'5 in case you were curious. Being short makes it difficult sometimes because you feel like you have to try harder to be noticed. And since I have average looks, I don't have that immediate advantage that other guys have. Its not all about looks yes, but it helps. However, I will try to take what you said to heart

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    • So yeah, I really appreciate what you did for me here 2 years ago =) Thanks

    • AWWW! You're welcome :)

  • Your height is only a problem if YOU believe it is. We create our own reality with our beliefs.

    So, do you want it to be a problem?

    If no, then believe your height is just fine the way it is.

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    • Well, I don't want it to be a problem, but it seems to be a recurring problem for girls that I've been attracted to

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    • This answer pretty much,

      You make your own obstacles, it's just a matter of getting past them. When you feel intimidated around tall people, you will also give off that vibe. I'd say just relax and be confident in yourself.

    • I'm starting to think the people here have the problem that they are attempting to build relationships with people they barely have any connection with in the first place. Some of them even get obsessed about being with the girl so much, that they set themselves up for failure.

  • I guess it depends on how short you are and how short the girl is. I'm 5'3 and I would rather date a guy who is 5'7 than a guy who is 6'0. I knew a girl who was 4'9 and she felt very uncomfortable with any guy over 5'6. The shorter you are, the shorter the girl should be. Then you will have success and everyone will think you're adorable.

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    • Well I'm shorter than 6'0 and 5'7 hah, but I hear what you're saying

  • if a guy wants to get me, he has to have certain personality traits. if I meet a guy whose personality is (close to) what I'm looking for, I don't care about his height cause personality makes me fall in love. and you are handsome too, which is a bonus :D

    but, confidence is essential.

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    • Right right. I just tend to base what I feel off of what I see, and lately it just seems like tall guys dominate. I don't hate tall people or anything lol, it just frustrates me to be at a disadvantage from the very beginning. However, I think you kindly for the compliment :) And ill take what you said to heart

    • :)

      in my opinion you should be happy with who you are. tall guys have other problems with themselves. no one can be "perfect", therefore you may accept what you have and be happy about it. I know a guy who is short, a bit shorter than me. he is teased about his height by all of his friends,then he acts a bit offended, but its obvious that he doesn't take it seriously. I find him attractive, so much more than a lot of tall guys. be positive! :)

    • Well ill try to stay positive about it. This dating thing is too complex for guys like myself :S

  • if you want, we can discuss this topic further in msn/ksype/Facebook/whatever :D

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    • Sure, what's your msn?

  • Not at all. Don't ever think of it as a competition with taller guys. If a girl likes you, your height won't matter at all. I'm 4'11'' and I can date a guy of any height because I'm much shorter than the average human being. In fact, I've only dated one really tall guy, the rest have been shorter or average. It all has to do with personality for me. I don't care how tall a guy is as long as he has all the characteristics I like. Don't worry about competing with other guys. If a girl goes out with a guy just because he's tall, their relationship isn't going to last long. In the end all that matters is what type of guy you are, not your height.

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    • I should probably mention that I'm 5'5. Thanks for your inpu though. This has been something that has hurt me for a while

    • 5'5 isn't that short to be honest. Don't let it bother you. I can kinda compare to how you feel. I was extremely shy in high school and still am and I was so unhappy about it for a while. One day I started looking at things differently and realized I just needed to accept what I couldn't change. I can't change my shyness. You can't change your height. So don't let it get to you. It can only hurt you if you let it. Just keep your chin up and know it's nothing to be ashamed of.

  • I'm 5'4" and I don't think I've met a guy my age who's shorter than I am, but to be honest, I can't say it's that big of a deal. I'm not saying I'm representative of many women though, the majority seem to care a lot :P

    I'm just saying... my boyfriend could shrink a foot and it wouldn't give me a flicker of doubt about our relationship. Obviously that's different from giving a short *stranger* a chance, but I'm pretty sure if he seemed like a person I would like, I'd go for it.

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    • ah fair enough. But one of my major issues though is when there is competition. If there is a girl I like, and another dude taller than me is competing for her as well, I've lucked out 100% of the time. I posted this question actually because it just happened to me again today. I know what girl say on this "Well, I would rather date a short confident guy than a tall douche" but the reality is that most tall guys I've lost too really were just as decent personality-wise as me,

    • I'm starting to think it just depends on pickiness and priorities... I've gotten to the point where I can't even be attracted to a guy unless I know he's not a douche haha, so personality DOES truly come first. But a lot of girls (and guys) don't work that way, which is fine, but it just means looks are what snags their attention in the first place. If they prefer tall guys, even just slightly, and the guy has a great personality to boot, that's what they go for.

      You'll get lucky eventually :)

    • btw, I should probably mention that I'm 5'5. Thanks for your input though

  • You're fine. Napoleon was vertically challenged and it didn't seem to bother him. Leader of the nation... Not too shabby, right? (I know I'm leaving out big chucks of things like "military dictator," but you get my point, right?)

    What precisely bothers you about your height? No matter how tall/short you are, just "stand tall" and be proud of who you are. Others will fall in line with that. "Size doesn't matter."

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    • Well it makes me feel "off the radar" to women because I feel like I'm taken seriously as a viable option. Whenever I go for a girl I like, they always see me as like a cute puppy dog but not really an option for dating. Its even harder when I like a girl who is also liked by a guy taller than me in my class. There's just something about tall guys for women that makes them seem more like boyfriend material, and I'm seen more as a softy guy.

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    • well working out is an option, but tbh, it takes years before you see strong noticeable results that would show through your clothing, so it doesn't really help things in the immediate term

    • Oh come on, I hope you do realize that all that "cave man" bulls--- is just a preconception that people learn (possibly culturally), then attempt to "justify" their behavior through it. It's pretty much a self-fulfilling prophecy - just like stereotypes.

      My sudden theory is that they see you as a "puppy dog" (if they really do) instead of a dating option is a universally occurring error people tend to fall into, as in get overly attached and submissive to be liked ~ and people pick up on that.

What Guys Said 9

  • Hey it's my Stargate buddy! What's up man, hope you're doing good. I see this height issue is still bothering you. You've got to let it go man. The more you fixate on things you don't like about yourself, the more magnified they become and the more they effect your confidence. Listen to what all the girls are saying to you! Heatherlu knows what she's talking about, take her answer to heart. And start working out. In one of your comments you said it takes too long to get muscular. It takes some time yes, but with a proper workout scheduele, you can add muscle and look to be in great shape in a matter of months. I can email you my workout plan if you'd like. This is something you've got to snap out of your system otherwise it can inhibit your confidence for years.

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    • Hey I'm alright =) yes ,it still does bother me, but I'm slightly more reassured after reading a few comments. The thing with working out is that it really would take time to get results, but yeah you can message me your workout routtine for sure.

    • Anything of worth takes time to acquire. You should be working out just for your general health anyways. I'll shoot you a message and send you my workouts.

  • I have the same issue. I'm 5'1 and at 28 I know I'm not going to get any taller. it is true that most women like tall men 6ft or more but I think if you dress nicely and present yourself with confidence than once someone get's to know you height won't matter so much.

    my brother is like 5'10 or something and I know he get's way more women than I do (at least offline)

    so as a shorter male you have to present other qualities about your self that others might find attractive. IE: artistic skill, any crafts you might know, if you went to collage for anything, dress nicely and speak up when you want your opinion to be heard.

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  • Well if you're 5'5", then even though you are not the tallest person in the world, that could be a positive for you - some people just don't like it if their mate is a skyscraper compared to them.

    Honestly, what truly matters if she likes you or not, and even though you probably won't have as much of a chance with some 6 feet tall girls, otherwise, anything could happen, as long as you stop dwelling about it, and just enjoy who you are.

    I mean, you can't really grow taller than you are, right? And various girls who are shorter than you wouldn't mind, and I'm certain there are tall girls that would be okay with a shorter guy as well.

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    • LMFAO @ "skyscraper" :)))))

    • Honestly, I don't even try with tall girls because I'm pretty sure a rejection would be automatic. But thanks for your insight on this

  • Well if it makes you feel any better, I'm 21 years old and never had a girlfriend in my life. Wanna know how tall I am? I'm 6'1". I'm not bad looking either, I have a really deep voice too and I'm a soldier. Physically I'm consider myself very attractive, but when it comes to my personality, I'm very quiet/shy and girls apparently want a guy who is a bit more outgoing. Point being, girls tend to judge people significantly more by personality than looks. Also to be quite honest, most short guys I see always have a hot girlfriend, even ones who have girls who are taller than them. Then there's the whole "short man syndrome" thing which also seems to bring in the women.

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  • We all have insecurities but its best to realize there will be always be people taller, stronger, faster than ourselves so just have to get on with it. Don't let height affect the way you act towards girls or around other guys. Besides, you're a pretty good looking guy, you seem to be well dressed, etc.

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  • just own your shortness bro, I have bros that are 5'4 and I'm 5'9 and they get more girls than I do because they are way more confident than I am. And id like to say I look alittle better than them but that confidence is key in every situation. don't even sweat it bro.

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  • naw man just make sure you get a girl shorter than you otherwise itll look awkawrd.. Beside short girls have nice asses and boddies in general... I'm 6'6' and Ill very rarely hook up with a 5'4'' girl at party when I'm drunk af but I could never date one because how awkward it would look. The sex is great tho so I wouldn't be complaining if I were you. Plus if you're short its a lot easier to build your body at the gym. Best of luck

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  • You're not alone bro. I'm in that catagory as well. I finally just said screw it and played the cards I was dealt. I agree with the ladies here because I realized that the only one that had the problem with it was me.

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    • Yeah I guess its just something you have to snap ou of. I just haven't to do it yet

  • I think height (For men) may be the absolute biggest misconception.

    Girls really don't care about height. Believe it or not, they put much more stock in personality.

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