When is a good time to have 'the talk'?

By that I mean, when should I ask him where he wants us to go. I've been seeing this guy for a few weeks, and I'm most definitely looking for a relationship. No sex or even close to it, until he officially commits to me. I have no idea what he's looking for because he is a teenage guy after all. When would be the right time? I don't wanna freak him out by bringing it up too soon.


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Most Helpful Guy

  • You should fairly immediately let the guy know what YOU want in general. Tell him something like:

    "Just so I'm up-front with you, I don't do "casual" relationships and I don't have sex outside of committed relationships. Obviously, it's still way early for us, and we don't yet know if this is going to work for us or not, but I want to be fair to you and let you know that, with me, the choices are really 'just friends' or 'official relationship.' I'm not looking for any third options."

    You aren't asking him to make any decisions at that point, and it's too early for that; you don't know each other well enough yet, and that's what the dating process is for: to learn about each other. But he needs to know up-front that if he's hoping for a FWB type situation with you that he's wasting his time and yours, and if that's the case, he can end it now, before you get too attached. And if he continues, you'll know that he's aware of your future expectations, so there's far less likely to be any nasty surprises in that area.

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What Guys Said 3

  • I'd say in maybe 3 years. It's silly to commit long term at the teenage stage of life imao.

    Just be friends, maybe even bf/gf, but with the understanding that you are just keeping company a little while until life happens!

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  • It's one of those things that's just hard to bring up and there is no easy solution.

    Try doing things that make him think.

    Make an investment in him that shows that he is someone special.

    It puts him in a position to consider how much you really care about him.

    And he'll then have to stop to consider how special you are to him and whether you're someone you want to pursue a relationship with.

    Why not buy him Black Ops 2 and see what happens, eh?

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  • It's cool to have it before sex, especially in your teens. But when you have it depends on how "serious" your relationship is. How often you see each other, what you do together, and the nature of your physical and emotional relationship. Given that "the talk" is about exclusivity, there usually needs to be SOME basis on what it is that you want to be exclusive.

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What Girls Said 2

  • What do you mean "seeing him?" How often do you see him and what do you guys do together? What are the parameters of your relationship as is?

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  • I don't think I would even bring it up to him at all.

    Unless you plan to get married young. 20,21,22...

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