I'm not sure what my deal is anymore. There used to be this girl, and I really liked her a lot. A LOT a lot. But I screwed it up and came off so weird and I look back on the whole thing and feel so stupid about it. This was years ago now and I'm so different now. This was back when I barely ever talked to girls and I was clueless. And while I feel like I knew that there was a certain way to talk to girls, when it came to her, that all just went completely out the window and I couldn't even help but act weird. It was so stupid. I was so stupid.
Now it still bothers me, not sure why. I'm not even sure what to make of my feelings anymore. Am I missing her? Do I even like her anymore? There is a lot of negative feelings inside bottled up about this. I hate this. This whole thing in general. It's becoming unbearable lately, I just feel so bitter right now and it really puts me in a foul mood and I hate being this way too and I can't stop looking at everything and seeing all of the negativity in the world and dwelling on it. It's like I'm not even mentally right since this happened. I don't know. But I have been getting better since it all happened. Normally I can deal with it and won't think about it too much, but lately it's been bad.
What should I do?
Most Helpful Girl
I know exactly how you feel. I made a total idiot out of myself around a couple of guys I liked. I'm sure they thought I was a "psycho girl" or a "creep" or just weird. One time it got so bad that one of them embarrassed me in front of a group of people and told me to get away from him. To make matters worse, a few days later messaged him acknowledging my wrongdoing and sincerely apologizing. I received 9 response from him.
This happened over the summer and it scarred me pretty badly. I still find myself thinking or talking about it sometimes.
I think sometimes we have to go through experiences like this in order to grow. If that situation didn't happen to me, I think I'd still be acting like an idiot and letting my emotions take control. People have been trying to tell me to calm and slow down. Sometimes the guys gave little hints (like ignoring me), but I kept being persistent in hopes that they'd feel the same way about me. Certainly he could have quietly pulled me aside and said, "listen you need to stop, etc" but not everyone shares the same ethical views.
I think a way to move on is to forgive yourself and look at the event as a learning experience. You're not alone and some people have it worse than us. Some can't control their emotions to the point where they become physically abusive, murderers, stalkers, etc. I can tell already you've learned from it, but you need to forgive yourself too.
Also if it makes you feel better, you can talk to her and let her know you're sorry about what you did. Hopefully you'll get a response unlike I did. Regardless you'll feel a little better knowing that you owned up to your mistakes.0
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