Can being very intelligent intimidate a woman?

I don't judge my own looks, I'm 6'7 and I have a rather sky high IQ which is what is most notable about me even if you ask someone that barely knows me. So I suppose I'd just like to know why I attract a lot of attention from females however they back off at any debate of anything. Any tips, as I am open to anything. Also, women approach me at clubs if I look like I have been drinking quite a bit to the point where it's annoying, these are women that don't know who I am. Anyone?


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Most Helpful Girl

  • When you use your intelligence to dominate a conversation, or to "prove yourself" unnecessarily, it can make any continuation of said conversation a bit daunting. Your IQ sets you apart from most other people but, despite your differences, it's important to focus on the things you have in common. Just because you're smart doesn't mean that every conversation has to be a testimony to your MENSA membership. That being said, if you find unintelligence annoying, avoid trying to meet women in clubs -- find somewhere that like-minded individuals would be more easily approachable... Not to say that just because you're smart, you're inclined to spend all of your time in a library. But clubs attract such a wide variety of people that it's hard to single out the ones to whom you might relate. If you like rock climbing, approach girls at an indoor rock climbing facility, you know? Then you can start out by talking about subjects that put you on equal playing fields, and get to understand and appreciate one another that way before delving into deeper intellectual conversations. I'm sure that your IQ might be intimidating to people if you insist on making it a focal point when you first meet them. But I'm also quite sure that there are qualities which you don't possess, and that you might find equally intimidating when trying to approach new people. Don't use your strength as a defence... Trust me -- based on what I know about you, we're a lot alike.

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    • I try and avoid the subject of my intelligence more than I try and avoid giving someone a straight answer on how tall I am or how many systems I've rooted in my life. I live in a place where the only socially acceptable topics are TV shows or talking about someone behind their backs, neither of which I am interested in doing. The crap excuse I always get, from women who I'd say know me better than I do is, someday you're going to realize you can do way better and leave. Honesty is all I require.

    • Great answer!

What Girls Said 25

  • It doesn't for me but I'm also intelligent. My boyfriend doesn't seem intimidated. He's very adept and intelligent in the areas that matter to him like putting together a computer or an engine but if I bring up PEMDAS or pythagorean theorem...or anything mathematical...and literary subjects...anything 'school' wise is of no interest to him...he's not threatened by mine and I'm not threatened by his. We both have a broad enough intelligence in plenty of similar areas and we both have different strengths. Just find a fellow intelligent girl and you shouldn't have an issue. I'm considered far above average intelligence and labelled as the smartest people most of my friends know...but when I'm around my boyfriend, it doesn't even come into play. I do find it annoying that I genuinely have to play it down or I'm immediately set apart...which...within a week of hiding it I'm still revealably a nerd. I've done a really good job these days of hiding it where it's unnecessary. I've learned to use it for adaptation and holding my end in a conversation.

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  • If who you are drives a woman away, then she's the wrong woman. Your intelligence is a huge part of who you are. If you need to have intellectual conversations to find a woman interesting, then don't be ashamed of that. No one wants to be bored in a relationship.

    I am the same way, actually. I like surrounding myself with people who are smart and interesting, and who love a good debate. Sometimes a good theoretical discussion can be fun. If I am watching a good movie and am considering the metaphorical context behind it, I want to be able to turn to my friend and say "hey, do you think "The Wolfman" can be a metaphor for human sexuality?" And I want my friend to be willing to have a discussion with me. Chit chat and gossip is only interesting for so long.

    If you're looking to date "thinkers", then consider where you go to meet women. Instead of looking for women at bars, etc, talk to someone in one of your classes, at a book store, etc.

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  • well it has nothing to do with your intelligence. Women are drawn to intelligent men. I can tell that you probably come across as abrasive and argumentative. And the fact that women are approaching you at the club has NOTHING to do with the fact that you are drunk. If I had to guess you are probably a good looking guy that sticks his foot in his mouth or insults women without even realizing it. I know a guy that is a programmer...so cute, so smart (technically), great to look at, but for the love of god! every-time he opens his mouth I want to run far far away. He is condescending (while trying to flirt), insulting, and always talks about his interests or himself. Hmmm I wonder why he is single and always will be. To be honest I think even your post is a little arrogant. Your post says.

    "Listen ladies I'm a hottie and I am way smarter than you. Hell I am 7 feet tall and well God blessed me 'if ya know what I mean' when I meet others of your kind,0 they get offended when I argue with them...what is wrong with them?...can they not see how hot I am?"

    I could be wrong but that is what I gathered. Maybe try NOT talking when you are on a date and just ask question related to what she is talking about. Ie ask what she does for a living, when she tells you ask at least 10 questions about her job.

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  • Its simple, debates aren't what you have on first dates or when trying to impress a girl. Fighting for the floor to voice your opinion isn't attractive. Especially if they don't agree with you. Once you are in a relationship with someone and you know that they are keen for a good debate, then you can do it as much as you like, because it makes things more interesting and fun haha. I love to do it with my boyfriend, but if we did it on our first date, his opinions might have put me off... especially discussing touchy subjects that we conflict on.

    Then again, he's very logical and comes from a family of salesmen and mathematicians, I'm artistic as my grandad collaborated with Picasso so I grew up in a gallery. We fit together and having debates teach each other about things we'd never would have saught to find out. We can never argue for long because we can't prove each other wrong completely, so it's safe for our relationship :)

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  • Intelligence is usually invaluable when it comes to courting women (the resolutely asexual Tesla suffered from a surplus of sex appeal, and Benjamin Franklin got a surprising amount of play). It helps with conversation, humor, charisma, status, and emotional connection, and it prevents you from doing stupid things like seeking debate partners in bars. Except apparently not.

    When seeking intellectually stimulating company, the second to last place on Earth that I would look is a bar. The first is the Heritage Foundation. But really, if you are as intelligent as you say, then I'm sure that you have a job or a group of friends or some other such venue that contains interesting, clever people. That would be a good place to begin a search. A bookstore might work as well, but stay away from the self-help and romance sections. Actually, a library might be good, because if you find a woman in there under 70, then odds are that she's a literate, interesting person who may have been displaced in time.

    Also, as someone who loves a good argument, I'd like to emphasize that debates should be entertaining, light-hearted (at least in early days), and consensual. By which I mean that if she's talking about her sister's wedding, that is not your cue to begin a monologue on the obsolescence of marriage. Well-crafted sentences, a sharp wit, and unconventional topics of conversation are all great, but a big part of intelligence--not IQ, intelligence--is the ability to observe, understand, and accomodate your partner's reactions.

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    • I think I'm in love with you. Brilliant answer.

    • Well thank you. People are typically split about 50/50 between finding my flippancy insufferable or mildly endearing.

  • I would not be intimidated, I just wouldn't necessarily want to debate you. This is because I am not up to date on a lot of current events and would not have the necessary knowledge to back my opinions with facts. Actually, without the knowledge I often don't have strong opinions.

    I am not intimidated by intelligent men though. My ex went to top schools for undergrad and grad and got all As in his science/engineering majors. I go to an upper middle tier school and could have better grades.

    1.) Maybe they just don't particularly care for debating.

    2.) Maybe they don't agree with some of your ideas and know it and don't want to create conflict.

    3.) Maybe they do not have the knowledge necessary to debate the particular topic.

    As for approaching you,

    1.) Maybe they feel more comfortable because your guard is down.

    2.) Maybe they are tipsy as well.

    Why is it annoying?

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  • They probably avoid debates with you because they think it will be too difficult to get their point across. They could also be worried of being wrong and having you shut them down.

    Now, as to the question of finding intelligence intimidating, I'm a reasonably smart woman. I appreciate intelligence in others as I like to be able to hold a good conversation. I have dated many intelligent men, notably med students. It never works out. Not because I'm intimidated by their intelligence, but because I cannot stand they way they use it to try and put me and others down. You can be charming and we can have great conversations but as soon as you start trying to lord it over me because you feel my degree is insignificant to yours, that's where things will go wrong. You may or may not do this, I don't know, but it is something to think about :)

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  • The intelligent guys I've met are usually so arrogant and full of themselves that its a huge turn off. They usually talk about themselves or their work/studies and it's annoying. I'm a smart person (college at 16), but I hate being serious 24/7. As for the debate thing...I don't get it, I love debating and I can debate almost anything, sports, politics, philosophy. I've scared off guys with my IQ before, because I met them at times when a huge paper was due or when I got an undeserved grade and basically ranted on it.

    To recap: Intelligence in and of itself isn't daunting (to some) but if that's what you are 24/7 (debating at the drop of a hat, bringing some smart-ass fact into every conversation) it's a bit annoying. Now there are girls that find intelligence daunting, those aren't the girls you want, trust me. I'd love a guy who could hold an intelligent conversation then fall on the floor laughing with me at the stupidest thing.

    Hope that answers everything...

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  • I have a pretty freaking high IQ myself, so I don't get intimidated by intelligence at all. For me, it's a deal breaker for a guy not to be intelligent.

    However, I hate guys who are arrogant and argumentative and think they can never be wrong. Most intelligent guys have these qualities, so basically I don't date.

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  • debating is easy if you have the correct facts >.>

    anyway I don't like when people talk fast and act like a**holes becasue they think their smarter

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  • I like smart guys you can learn a lot from them and they have lots of interesting stuff to talk about .

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  • depends on the girl

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  • Intimidating depends- are you the type of person who shows off their intelligence and make others feel like crap about it because their not as smart if yes then yeah you'd be intimidating. If not then no you wouldn't be intimidating to me at least.

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    • I don't throw anything around such as my intelligence, however if someone asks me a question I tend to use larger words than most people in an attempt to communicate as concisely as possible. That and I live in a place that isn't all that large, so information on anyone is a phone call away to someone. I've been told a few people fear that I would rip them to pieces if they said the wrong thing however nothing could be further from the truth. That's like saying anyone with a gun murders people.

    • Really? Wow, nice town. As for your intelligence you're fine- there are a lot of women out there who would jump at the chance to debate anything. Just don't give up.

  • I think that women in general, unless they have a very positive self-esteem, are very threatened by intelligent men. You need to look for a woman who meets your intelligence, because she will love it. You just haven't found her yet.

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  • Is this a real question? Or are you mocking GAG's stupid dating questions asked by girls? If it's a real question maybe it's because you stand out by being so tall.. and when girls are drunk they can easily spot you.. but after standing next to you for a while, they feel super short and it frightens them... Or your obnoxiously sarcastic.. A lot of smart people are that way, I'm that way haha.. If most people aren't as witty as you are than the best way to cope with that is threw sarcasm.. Beats being seen as a know it all but it makes some people uncomfortable

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  • Well early conversation is easy and polite.

    Intense debates are excessive work for a drunk girl and she may get the impression that you are not fun.

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  • They just aren't the right women, trust me there is nothing wrong with you and the fact you are intelligent, now maybe you should focus on topics that you both share interest in. Make she you are engaging with her.

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  • Only if you're arrogant

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  • I like intelligent men unless they are cocky, and I like debating although I'm not really of a high IQ. But I like the intelligence challenges, they make the life more interesting.

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  • a little, if he is unnatractive NOPE

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  • Intimidate? Who are you kidding. I'm pursuing an engineering degree and let me tell you that the men I'm around on a daily basis are the most brilliant individuals I've ever encountered. I wouldn't be intimidated by a so-called "higher IQ". I'd be pretty turned off to be around someone that thinks so highly of himself. IQ means nothing. What's intimidating is what you do with it. Let me tell you none of the guys I'm studying with go around bragging about how IQ is. We all know they must be above average but who cares when everybody's on the same boat and everybody's nearly as smart. Yes, some are smarter, but to compare yourself to some dumbasses getting wasted at the pub isn't glorifying in my book. And stop thinking that debates have a reliable value with regards to romantic appeal. I never have debates in my daily life really and I'm not looking for any, so not willing not participate in some isn't due to me being intimated by a oh-so-smart participant. I'd start working on my humility and I'd try approaching gals on my smartass level if I were you. You bet an intelligent gal could care less about your supposedly sky high IQ and you'd have more things in common anyway, so why waste your time...

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  • As far as your intelligence goes... no one likes to feel like the dumbest person in the room. Sometimes it's nice to have a conversation without any debate, or just to be agreed with. My boyfriend is WAY smarter than me. He does a pretty good job, but sometimes, I have to remind him that he doesn't have anything to prove. Sometimes he has to let me be right, just for the sake of being right.

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  • Its fine to be intelligent but don't use your intelligence in a way that makes women feel stupid in comparison to you. So don't talk about how some piece of technology works. (most women don't care anyway) or about some complex scientific idea.

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  • Throughout grade school, especially high school, guys used to be turned off by me because of my use of vocabulary. And because I was the shy, studious valedictorian who could usually be found in the library, art room, or chemistry lab. I was the girl the chemistry teacher would call in from other classes to sit in as a lab tech my senior year. Only my close friends saw my fun side. A guy once told me straight out that more guys would of approached me if I didn't seem so intelligent and socially awkward. But I think the issue wasn't me so much as it was my location and the maturity level of the guys there. In college I came out of my shell a lot and was more approachable and didn't care to do silly things. I met a lot of great people who were intelligent and didn't "throw it around". I met a math tutor who fell for me there, vocab and all. ;)

    I really think your issue here isn't that you are too intelligent, how could that ever be a bad thing?! Its part of who you are. The issue is, as others stated the locations you are meeting girls. I doubt I'd ever hit the clubs unless if one of my many crazy friends dragged me there. Also, try to be friendly, approachable, and confident when a girl saunters over to you. Be kind, cheeky, funny or however you are, and don't try to hide your intellect (its part of the package)! But I would be cautious to get into serious debates when first meeting a girl and if you do, tread lightly and use humor. No one wants to feel like you are challenging them to a battle of wits. Then you come off as a pompous ass hat.

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  • Debating isn't flirting

    Women don't get turned on just BC a guy is smart

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What Guys Said 3

  • Esp. beyond one's teenage years, with intelligence it becomes a matter of what you've achieved with it / to what effect you've been able to bring it to bear, beyond it being a tool to win idle debates.

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  • Is it possible through any forms of male-female/God-Goddess mating to arrive at someone who is 2/3 God? If so then can you explain it to me mathematically?

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  • Tone down the intelligence by half if your in a bar or club. The girls are all around 90 IQ or much less with the booze they've swallowed. Your twice too smart at that stage. I suggest a venue change if you want to meet smarter women. Also, don't try to impress a woman with your brain, that rarely works. Make her laugh instead. Take this from another tall, high IQ man. Keep your intellectual discussions for your male friends. Sexual attraction in women is limited to mostly humor, teasing, flirting and other silly light-hearted fluff. Don't take women too seriously, as girls themselves don't take themselves too seriously. Smile and smirk, prod, poke and tease. That's the way to win them over.

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    • I have one more for you, since you seem to have been there quite a bit. Is there any reason you can think of that the less physically attractive a female is the worse they treat me, even a waitress. I also have a hard time distinguishing conversation from someone sending me signals they're attracted to me. I suppose to excel in some things astronomically you have to give something up, that is that something.

    • You should always assume attraction and act like you're a bit entitled. You're probably a bit too passive and nice. Knock that off. If you act like women should be attracted to you, they will more often than not be attracted to you. You won't win them all, but irrational levels of confidence bordering on cockiness is needed to win many girls over. If you're like a lot of tall guys, you just act chill and what not. Don't chill out so much, joke and tease with a smirk.

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