Physical, character, skills, anything. As long as you name just the three most important ones.
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- Physical attraction. She doesn't need to be a 10, but I have to find her physically attractive. What that means exactly will differ from person to person, but most people are attracted to a wide range of types and sizes; not many have a super narrow focus.
- Personality/attitude. I'm attracted to girls who have a positive attitude and a fun personality. Girls who are negative about everything, or who are depressed or insecure, aren't attractive. No one's life is perfect, and hard times come to all of us, but some people choose to stay positive, and others allow themselves (or even choose) to be destroyed or devastated. I'm only interested in positive people, and it's not my job to change a negative person to a positive one; only THEY can do that.
- Compatibility. This is the area that most people overlook until it's WAY too late, and it's why most relationships fail. If you aren't compatible, you can have a great relationship for a short period of time, but sooner or later, those incompatibilities will drive you apart.
Compatibility issues include:
- what she's looking for in the relationship (ONS, FWB, official relationship, potential marriage, etc.)
- location (where will we live?)
- family issues & responsibilities
- future goals
- health issues
- past relationship issues
When I meet a girl, I can determine physical attraction almost immediately; I can SEE, and guys are experts at making fast evaluations of physical attractiveness. It takes me less than 5 seconds in most cases to know if she meets "minimum requirements."
The next thing I do is ask her on a date, and on that date, I focus on getting to know her. For the first several dates, my goal is to talk with each other as much as possible, and in effect, "interview" her and try to see how compatible we are, as well as what her personality and attitude are like. During this time, I intentionally hold back on developing feelings for her, because I have no idea if this is going to work out, and if it doesn't, I need to be able to let her go and move on.
Only after a couple of dates, when we've covered my list of compatibility issues and I've determined that we are compatible (meaning, we'll be able to find compromises in the areas where we clash/disagree), do I open myself up to letting my feelings for her grow. It's also much safer to do that at that point, because you aren't likely to have any nasty surprises come up later. She'll feel the same way, and that will make her much more secure in the relationship, because she'll have learned by then that I'm honest and open, and that she can ask me anything.
It does you no good to meet and fall in love with someone if you aren't going to have compatible lives. If I want to live in the US, and she wants to live in Europe, it won't work. If I want 5 kids, and she wants none, it won't work. Etc. You need to know that stuff before you get attached.1