Wasted opportunities - I am too afraid of sounding stupid

I had at least two great opportunities to pick up stunningly gorgeous girls today.

First, I saw the most beautiful redhead in my life (it matters that I am also redheaded). I sat right in front of her and glanced at her from time to time and she would look back a few times and sit a little provocatively. After about 20 minutes I got up and walked around for just a minute to calm down. When I got back, the girl was getting ready to leave. She probably thought I was a creep since she noticed me about 30 feet behind her when she left.

Second, I looked at this girl at a coffee shop tonight. She looked back and was not even afraid to look back. She knew I was looking, almost like she was begging me to approach her. After about 20 minutes the tension evaporated and about 30 minutes later she left.

Both times I was afraid that I would sound dull or stupid or painfully nervous. I know I am not, kind of like public speaking or speaking in class, which I always do very well in.

Were these real opportunities to get their numbers or ask them out? How do I get over these ridiculous fears?


Most Helpful Guy

  • Forget the pseudo-babble... The fact is, you spoke about how beautiful they were and how you didn't approach due to the tension. Unless I'm mistaken and you gave it a shot to converse with them for more than a minute - I really don't think this would be a proper scenario to say "Yes, you did it! Go for her number!"... You didn't do anything wrong per se' - You just failed to initiate and try to learn who she is. She might seem like a really cool gal from across the room, and a gorgeous person at that, but what you might fail to see is that she is conceited or vicious.. Neither are traits that I could personally stand (which is why I use them as an example). Alternatively, you might find out that she is extremely dramatic (something you may not stand?) ... etc etc etc..

    Without initiating, you are basically saying "Hey, I want everyones' phone number".. Which could either make you seem superficial (e.g. looking to get laid every night of the week) or position you for a later friendship. You want to come across as the guy who is cool/confident/etc so that she can wonder whether or not to give you a chance... This puts you in the position to have wiggle-room and get another "encounter" where you can further show her how fun you can be, etc.. And all of this is achieved by how you talk/behave/walk/etc. That's why initiating and conversing is important in dating, in my own opinion.

    Hope it helps,



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What Girls Said 2

  • I don't know how other girls are, but for me, it's really flattering if a guy sounds nervous talking to me. If these girls were looking at you like constantly, then they must have been at least slightly interested, and probably more. Most girls will try to avoid looking at a guy if they don't want him to approach them.

    Anyways, just go ahead and sound shy and nervous. Accept that that's how you feel, and don't be afraid for it to show. I don't get all this stuff about "girls only want guys to act confident all the time". It makes no sense to me personally. Any human being will feel confident sometimes and shy sometimes. And it's normal to feel shy talking to someone you find attractive (this is true for most guys AND girls).

    If a girl is mean to you because you sound nervous, then she's probably bitchy and not worth your time and effort anyway. But if a girl is looking at you, and wants you to talk to her, then she'd be happy that you're trying. If a guy I like acts shy with me, I just try really hard to be sweet and make him feel comfortable. If I don't like him, I just try to be civil, but also kind of avoid him.

  • The worst any girl can say is no. If you ask out 100 girls and only one says yes, you still have the one that said yes. You have nothing to lose. If you think confidently like the "nothing to lose" thing, you shouldn't have much of a problem. Besides, most girls think it's kind of cute when guys get nervous talking to them...I guess you could say it makes us feel a little powerful ;)


What Guys Said 2

  • Then approach them, and if you're feeling nervous, tell them. So long as you can keep talking, showing nervousness is fine. The fact that you're their talking to her, telling her how nervous you are because of what you think of her, shows way more confidence and that you can still push through your fears. No she's not going to think you're stupid for that, she'll find it more attractive than a nervous guy who just tries to hide his nervousness.

    If she's a cool girl, she'll think it's cute and ballsy, and actually tell you not to be nervous, and to just calm down. If she's a bitch, she'll let you know that to by being rude, and then you'll have your answer to whether she's worth getting to know without wasting your time. Just approach them to find out if they're who you think they are, because now you know that not doing anything isn't getting you what you want. I learned a lot from this: link it might be something you want to check out. :)

  • I'll be honest with you bud.. I ... I didn't read your story, but all I can say is learn from your mistakes, which is in this case are your missed opportunities and learn from it.