I'm scared of looking like a perv

I respect that some girls aren't into older guys but how do I figure out if a girl I notice would be open to an older guy? I'm scared of her figuring out that I'm actually older than I look and that she'll be younger than I thought. I'm scared of looking like a perv.

Updates:
I do own a business where I see young women coming in. I'm OK with an age gap of up to 10 years younger than me. Today I noticed a girl and we smiled at each other but my guess is that she's more than 10 years younger than me. I didn't let myself think much of it, but what if she's older than I figured and I missed an opportunity? I am friendly to everyone that comes in. I don't know how to show a girl that it's more than just being friendly like to everyone else.

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Most Helpful Girl

  • Short Answer: Flirt - with - her.

    Short (detailed) Answer: Flirt with her (subtly). This means act like a gentleman (no touching, commentary on her body/breasts, no sexual implications, etc) There's less chance of you looking like a pervert if she's not into it. Likewise if she's not interested, she may be able to just write it off (in her head) as 'some nice older guy' that likes to talk.

    Long Answer: This is the same answer I give to almost all guys regarding the ever-present "Does she like me" question. Watch how she interacts with other people (esp guys) and if she reacts differently to you, then there's a SLIGHT CHANCE she's interested. Next comes flirting. If she flirts with you, then there's 2 possibilities:

    1) She's interested in you (as more than a friend)

    2) She enjoys flirting (only)

    Be honest though. Some girls will tell you straight up that they're flattered, but not interested in older men. These are the same ones that will be disappointed if you hide your age. There's subtle ways of figuring out how old someone is:

    - Are you going to school/taking classes around here?

    - Back when I was a kid we'd (insert dated material here).

    - I went to (school)/graduated from (school) back in (year).

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    • Good suggestions! I can handle it if a girl says they're not interested in older guys. If they could find it flattering on some level then that makes me feel better. Thanks

    • Just remember, when a woman is mature, she will find it flattering, its when yet again she is not mature and still just a girl, this is when they find it revolting, so just keep this in mind, it is most always about the maturity level and of course age within reason. Perhaps you might consider why you like younger girls, fountain of youth? There are those out there, that will be on the same page as you and love to laugh and be carefree, so be open!

What Girls Said 15

  • Its simple, strike up a conversation with her and ask her how old she is, some say this is a voodoo question to ask women, but its not when they are young. If she is too young, don't ask her out, if she is in the age range you feel comfortable with, give it a bit and then ask her out to lunch as friends and as you do this you will know one if she is interested in older men, 2 if her maturity is were it should be to date an older man. Remember, age matters when they are under the age of 18 as this is not okay. Being 18 or older means there legal, but it doesn't make it okay, because women are still maturing at 18-25, but again, there are some women that put 40 year olds maturity wise to shame and they are only 18 or so, so check it out slowly and you will not look like a perv and be patien and pay attention to her maturity this is most important, if you hook up with a girl that is 10 years younger than you and she acts like girls gone wild, you will look ridiculous, so pay attention and good luck.

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    • I usually assumed that it wasn't a good idea to ask a girl her age. Maybe I'll try asking and see what happens. Thank you for your comments.

  • Since you have a business you have the advantage to have younger women smile at you. unless she's desperate for money she won't like you. Unless you have a fantastic body and beautiful older looking face. If you feel like you are a pervert which you say you feel like you are sometimes, then you are!

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    • My concern has more to do with what the girl might think about me approaching her. My acceptable age range might be different than her acceptable age range and to compound the scenario we may or may not have perceived each others ages accurately. I don't think that being concerned about that makes me a perv. My original statement was that I was scared of looking like a perv, not that I feel I am one.

  • I like a man that's 25 years older than me... Oops.

    But no, really. I've been working with this man for over a year now, and tried to shrug it off as just a school-girl crush, or something like that; and it just hasn't shifted!

    I would never let him know that I have romantic feelings for him yet though, as I'm not yet of age (18), and if he began, or admitted to having feelings along those lines, for me, he'd be severely frowned upon, and if it was anyone else, I'd think they were disgusting, haha... Ah man, it's such a hard predicament. :(

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  • Depends on her preference and maturity level. Any chick who just automatically thinks the worst of a man because he likes her and is older is a bit... judgmental. This is an extreme case but I had a friend for a while who was 19 years older than me. The attraction and compatibility along with the laughs we had made me not care about the age gap. Not saying I cared much anyway, but once someone gets to talking with you, if they keep an open mind then they won't care. What I experienced with an older man was great and I have no regrets. As long as she isn't jailbait and you can see she's an adult, you're fine.

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    • Thanks. I liked what you said.

  • A lot of women like going out with older men so don't think that's anything you need to worry about. Is she someone that comes in regularly? If so maybe try striking up a chit chat conversation with her and see where it leads. If these are just one off situations then it can be hard to tell because some people are just friendly & smile at everyone regardless of whether they are attracted to them or not. I think conversation is the key & if someone really likes the look of you I'm sure they'll find an excuse to come back. Good luck!

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    • Ya that makes sense and it was probably just a one off. Thank you

  • sometimes girls do like older guys, there is no age preference that all women share. Personally I like guys 3-10 years older than myself it really depends - you have to look for signals.. if she's looking over at you a lot then she probably wants you to approach her

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  • If you're rich she won't care honey

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    • I'm OK with a girl wanting to know the guy can be a good provider/contributor but I'm not OK with building a relationship on money.

    • Isn't that pretty much the same thing?

  • im only 19 and I don't think id go for some one older than like 24 tops, I'm still pretty young and couple years couple years age makes a huge difference in lifestyle, however I can imagine that would change when I'm a little older

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    • Ya I think as you get older it'll change some. Thanks

  • Get someone to ask her what she thinks of dating an older guy. It's what people did in high school, it worked didn't it?

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  • i am a younger woman dating a much older man. we work together and he was always very nice to me. he had a great personality and always made me laugh. after awhile he got a little bit more flirty and hitting on me. I didn't know what to think about that because he was so much older. he asked me for my number and I told him no that it would not be a good idea..but he kept hitting on me and being his charming self. he asked me for my number every day probably 5 times a day for about two weeks. finally I said OK. it wasn't that I didn't like him it was just that he was so much older. honestly I was afraid I would be nothing more to him than another "notch" in his belt. something to prove he's still "got it". I took a chance and he proved me wrong. I have come to really care for him. despite our age difference our relationship is great. even though we have been together for about 8months now sometimes he still asks me if I think he is a perv. but I don't because I know he cares for me. I am not just a trophy to him. if you want a relationship then don't let an age difference stop you. however if you are just looking to score with a younger women. then yeah I would consider that being a perv and a jerk.

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    • I'm glad it work out for you guys and thank you.

  • find a girl you own age. Its creepy seeing an older man with a younger girl. Its just for an ego boost and in the end she won't stay with you. She will get a guy her own age. more girls aren't into older guys

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  • Ask her how her relationship with her father is.. I wish I was joking, but that will tell you if she is open to dating older men, or at least give you some idea.

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  • try going for girls that are at least around your age, then it is not creepy.

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  • well most but not all girls usually go for older guys. how much of an age gap are you talking about?

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  • you can't control who you meet, unless you surround yourself around the same age group...do you hang near younger girls or something? try to socialize with a variety of age groups and see who you're compatible with

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What Guys Said 2

  • Why are you thinking so much? Is it because you are paranoid about being a perv? If so then you are a perv

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    • You're right I do think too much. It's partly who I am but also because I'm not as confident as I would like to be. Thanks

    • You are welcome. Just release yourself from thinking negatively. Think you are a great guy with normal motives (we are men and have healthy urges and also prefer company over being lonely) and you WILL be a great guy.

  • If you're actively seeking out girls 10 years younger than you, then maybe you ARE a perv.

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    • It's certainly not hard to be attracted to a wide age range of women but it's not something that I actively seek out. Thanks

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