I like to look cute but not be hit on?

How can I solve this issue? I like wearing nice clothes but hate male attention for it.

Updates:
Sorry guys by cute I just mean dresses and stylish thigs nt short shorts and cleavage(which I pretty much don't even have hahah) I wear shorts and skirts to the knee and don't show any cleavage
In sorry to offend people about this question, I did not realize this was some touchy stuff for boys out there... Or how this possibly could make you angry since its not even a negative question, but anyways the reason I don't want to attract attention but dress nice is because I like to express myself through my clothes like many girls but I don't want boys to like me because I always end up meeting a really great guy that I like then he breaks my heart. I don't want a relationship at this mo
Moment because I am going on a religious mission and because I don't want to rebound on some poor guy. So tHATS why. Maybe that is silly to you but I have good intentions.

0|0
16|52

Most Helpful Girl

  • You have to put up a mental wall around you, an imaginary barrier that says you don't want guys to talk to you. Avoid eye contact, walk around them in a wide circle so you are not in their path. Maybe you give out an open friendly vibe to everyone because that is just who you are, in order to get men to stop paying attention to you, you have to shut that down and not smile at them.

    Your question is legit, there are times when male attention can be bothersome. I personally could use a little more male attention myself, but being shy I find it overwhelming. The guys on this site were hurt by your question because they have the cultural burden of approaching women, daunting in of itself, but irksome when they hear that their approaches are less then welcome at times.

    3|1
    0|2

What Guys Said 52

  • Well, watch a few videos from your fellow ladies on this subject:

    link

    link

    link

    Here's a summary:

    Female proposition: I want to be able to light a match around gasoline without causing a fire. But gasoline sucks so much that every time I try to light a match, it lights up on fire. What can I do?

    Average person: I dunno, why don't you try not lighting a match?

    Feminist response: No! I should be able to light up a match whenever the f*ck I want! If a fire ensues, it's NOT MY FAULT. I'm not responsible for my actions or accountable for my behavior. It's gasoline's fault, it's someone else's fault. This never would have happened if there wouldn't have been oxygen. I've the victim here! Why? Because I WANTED TO LIGHT A MATCH! I have a right to light a match with no consequences following!

    Okay, enough with the analogies. What are you, and women like you, really saying? You're saying that you would like to look "cute." What is cute? It's "some degree" of being "visually appealing." The bigger question, however, is "why do you want to look cute in the first place?"

    You want to look cute so you can . . . feel better about yourself. What is the mechanism which makes you feel better about yourself? You feel better about yourself when you feel more sexually attractive or desirable (i.e., your sexual market value is validated). How does your sexual market value become validated? It's validated solely by extrinsic evidence.

    The reason it's validated solely by extrinsic evidence is because the benchmark is actually created from purely extrinsic sources (magazines, television, advertizements, p*rnographic videos, comparison to other women, comparison to the behavior and responses from men, etc.) Your brain is trying to get "validation" that you are "sexy" by soliciting information from external sources (i.e., other women, and men). Otherwise, you would dress up in a mirror at home, and then walk outside in a puritanical super-conservative business suit.

    But you don't. The reason you don't do that is because you are looking for attention from other women (to act as a proxy for what they believe men would respond to in the sexual market place) or indirectly from men (as they just sit back and passively observe you).

    What you are asking for, to be clear and precise, is to throw yourself into society seeking ONLY the benefits of validating how you feel about yourself WITHOUT any of the risks associated with those actions (e.g., that men give you indirect or direct attention; men look at you; men talk about you; men talk to you; men flirt with you; etc.).

    So, you want ONLY the BENEFITS without being exposed to any CONSEQUENCES for your actions.

    0|0
    0|0
    • No the only reason I fwel good about dressing nice is because I'm making myself care about myself enough to look nice .

    • Okay. You convinced us. "Look nice" as in "only within the private solitude of my own home, and totally not outside in public where other people can see me."

  • First off, I don't understand how you can actually look stylish and presentable and people NOT notice. If you dress nice, and carry yourself nicely then you will garnish some looks and approaches will be bound to happen. I am sure it makes sense to you, butt to me it seems like one huge contradiction. You're dealing with male and female here. You being a female who dresses nice, making you even more attractive in the eyes of men who tend to be drawn to nice looking females.

    The only thing I can suggest perhaps is wear some dark over sized sunglasses, a large floppy hat that covers half your face and put your hair in one of those unappealing hair styles, like a bun and maybe you can achieve the desired effect. A lot of guys will most likely comment, "WOW! She dresses nice, but she doesn't seem to be too stylish with her hair and covers her face so I will stay away." If that doesn't work out, you can always dress nice while you're sitting at home watching television and dress down when you have to go out.

    0|0
    0|0
    • I understand. I honestly just am tryin to avoid relationships for a while. Want to know something funny? I just bought sunglasses and a sun hat yesterday by chance!

    • Show All
    • Or you're stalking me...o.O

    • lol...No I never believed in stalking any female. If she didn't want me for one reason or another, I just channeled my attention elsewhere. ;)

  • Having that duckface on at all times would go a great way to helping you achieve this.

    3|4
    0|0
    • Noted. Maybe I should take pictures of myself constantly as well?

    • Especially if you take the camera out as soon as a guy is walking your way, yeah. That'd help as well.

    • Snap chat the crap out of campus. Gosh I hate snap chat. I refuse to play into that crap

  • Okay, first off #firstworldproblems.

    Second, you can't control what other people do. You're cute. You could dress in a burlap sack and guys would hit on you. So unless you get your face mangled in a grain thresher accident or something, you better go ahead and get used to guys hitting on you.

    So since you can't change guys hitting on you, what should you do? Take it in stride and take control of the situation. You can't control them, but you do have control over how you respond. If you are on a spiritual mission, then the best thing you can do is tell a guy who hits on you, "Thank you for the compliment, but I'm not available." If he asks why, explain why. Be a mature grown-up about it.

    0|0
    0|0
  • It's going to be hard. Extremely hard for some guys out there. They will always *always* compliment you on your looks or talk to you. If you act like a snob, your reputation will later be tarnished because of it. It's like walking by homeless people and carrying food and expecting them not to look. Just not going to happen, sorry. I promise you, not all guys are heart breakers. I have had my heart broken once so I strongly believe in the phrase "look for someone who has had their heart broken so they won't break another one's". It's crazy, but after you feel heart break you never ever want to again and you won't do it to another unless you absolutely have to; although this is were a lot of girls even become heart breakers themselves because they can't forget their first love.

    0|0
    0|0
    • Why is it going to be hard for them? I'm not planning on not dating forever just not a couple of years. I don't treat people snobbish because I am do not want people to be men to me!

    • Show All
    • I don't think many guys will go after me since I'm not a very social person. My friend and roommate is though so I'm a bit nervous

    • Hmm... you kind of have a point. Normally I do end up really liking the shyer girls, but it takes me forever to do anything about it because I'm really shy myself lol. If your roommate is getting the attention that you don't want, you can either say that it somewhat bothers you or just not say anything to any of the guys she meets.

  • I'm also going to say wear a fake engagement/wedding ring but also add that you should keep as covered up as possible. This is hard to establish both because some attraction comes from cuteness and innocence and not necessarily from cleavage and booty.

    1|0
    0|0
  • You can't really have one without the other. If you dress cute you're going to get attention, there's not really any stopping that without sacrificing something else. I suppose you could intentionally small bad lol, but I think that would be the worst thing to do. You could also try wearing a ring on your left ring finger and use that as your deterrent, but you'll still get hit on till you show it.

    Other than those extremes the best you can do is just wear nice clothes that are also conservative. You can still wear nice looking clothes without showing off a lot of skin.

    0|0
    0|0
    • I do wear modest clothes as I am Mormon.

    • Then you're already at the best you can do to prevent this without sacrificing other looks or hygiene. Just tell them you're not looking to get involved with anyone. Be straightforward but don't be cruel about it, remember that they're just trying to find a girl and rejecting them cruelly might damage their ego/confidence if they can't handle it well.

  • I hate to break it but A LOT of girls would KILL for attention. I just answered a question about a poor 17 year old girl who has never been asked out by a guy before. I guess you can thank the man from upstairs and be blessed for what body you have. Guys will be guys and there's nothing you can change us. I hint to girls, "dress classy but not trashy." I hope this helps!

    1|4
    0|0
    • Super true. One of my close female friends, who has a great personality and is very attractive, would love to have your problem.

    • I don't get a ton of attention except sometimes in the summer. And occaisionally a boy will like me. Trust me I'm nt some babe haha

  • You get hit on a lot because guys think that you look okay, but not super hot and out of their league. My advice: Get a makeover, raise your level to like a 7-9 and most guys will be too intimidated. It's a known fact that most normal guys will hit on a girl that they think is in their range. You look kind of like a girl-next door type. Certainly not an ugly girl or anything, but a typical Girlfriend type. Guys are drawn to that. Once you become hot, if guys still hit on you then it's probably the kind of guy who is really successful and has his sh*t together. Or at least a guy who will make your GFs jealous.

    0|1
    0|0
    • I understand what you're saying but I don't have the personality to be on of those types. Thanks for putting so muh thought into that though.

    • Show All
    • Nope. My dad wouldn't even notice if I was gone a weekend. Don't even worry about it I left that environment. But I'm still overcoming the effects. That is why pieole saying mean things about this question is so hurtful. They don't understand why I feel how I do. That is why we must be kind to everyone always. You just never know

    • He makes a very sad point about the state of male teens and young men and the "intimidation factor"; so many of them lack the courage to approach women they find desirable!

  • This issue is only able to be fixed by not "girlie-primping" yourself, even going to the point of self-sabotaging your own appearance.

    I doubt you are willing to do that, and I don't blame you. I wouldn't want to do that either lol, but I can accept some female attention when I'm not willing to date, in order to feel expressive and confident by making myself look attractive and exerting my personal style.

    --------

    Even if you are going on a religious mission and don't want to date, you don't have to feel pressure to date somebody. Just politely decline, and enjoy that your style is appreciated by (male) people. Primping yourself and taking care of yourself takes a lot of work, be glad you're given recognition for it! :D

    No need to have a nasty attitude about guys liking your appearance because you are uncomfortable with male attention.

    0|0
    0|0
  • Wear cute, be cute and just stay home where there are no guys around. Your gonna get it, whether you want too or not, if you look super cute.

    I wouldn't give you a second glance though, not because I didn't think you were super cute, but just the way I roll.

    Mind games are awesome!

    0|0
    0|0
    • When I say look cute I jut mean wear cute clothes not that I think I myself am cute. If I have an average face but like to wear cool clothes is that going to render attention from boys?

    • yup, we are so attracted to cute clothes.

  • With your looks, its not happening.

    If you gained 40 lbs or so it would do it.

    0|3
    0|0
    • I don't think I'm physically able to do that. I've only ever been able to gain about five pounds in my life. Similarity I can only ever lose about five pounds.

  • what is wrong with male attention? Just wondering.

    Also if you don't want any guys to talk to you, maybe you should splash yourself with acid, because we look at your body and face much more than the clothing you wear.

    1|3
    0|0
  • It's gonna happen...

    You wanna be a cutie gotta pay the toll so to speak. As a guy I've been hit on by unsavory women... usually too old or just really not my type, not the time or place ect. Be polite say thank you but not interested. If it's really forward hitting on ask him to stop OR say your a lesbian if he won't let up.

    0|0
    0|0
    • I have had to say I was a lesbian once now that I think about it...

    • Show All
    • I know some guys are weirdos that refuse to take no for an answer. It's annoying.

    • or AGGRO weirdos who get angry when a woman doesn't fall like overripe fruit at his feet. Those ones are scary.

  • I know what you mean, I do the same, you

    just have to deal with it.

    if you look good, people will stare ^.~

    1|0
    0|1
  • I actually would recommend reading Elisabeth Elliot's book Passion and Purity. She and her husband were both in missions. On the other hand, guys tend to appreciate a girl who puts thought behind what they wear. Not sure you can look nice and not attract a guy, but be upfront with guys.

    0|1
    0|0
  • You really can't control how someone else is going to react to you. However, there is a difference between being flirted with and being hit on. Also, it might help if you described what "cute" looks like.

    0|0
    0|0
  • 0|0
    0|0
  • Sort of comes with the territory. Hopefully most men are gentlemen about it and won't persistently bother or harass you, but you will always attract male attention.

    0|0
    0|0
    • In high school I never really attracted anyone but in public I tend to? Perhaps it was because they knew I was nerdy?

    • If you look nice men will look and some will hit on you. Can't really be avoided.

  • You can't expect to wear nice clothes and not expect to draw attention. If you wear less nice clothes, you will still draw attention, but maybe less.

    0|0
    0|1
    • I don't think that is strange at all if you think like that. If you don't want to pursue a relationship, that is fine. It would be wrong to judge you. Even if I saw a girl that dressed modestly, I think there are other things besides clothing that shows attractiveness. For example, a girl's face can look really beautiful.

      If you want to dress nicely, you can. Don't worry about being hit on. Just turn them away if it happens.

  • You can't. Look ugly and then you'll get no attention.

    1|2
    0|0
  • act like you have mental issues, carry a cat around in a bag, and randomly yell obscenities at people. yep that should do it, maybe..

    0|1
    0|0
  • I think this was what poodle skirts were all about

    0|0
    0|0
  • Thats like saying, "I want to get splashed with water but not get wet at all"

    1|3
    1|0
    • Not really because I enjoy looking nice for myself not for others. I like dressing well to express myself not to advertise

    • Yeah, like brushing your teeth and taking a shower. I see where you are coming from. It makes you feel good. I think being happy for yourself is a good thing. And independent people are attractive and draw attention. And That I understand that constant attention can be very irritating at times

  • You're asking how to dress attractive without being attractive. lol

    Well the only way is through personality.

    0|0
    0|0
  • Honestly, I would say buy some men's XXL t-shirts and sweatpants. lol

    You'll get zero attention. (aside from being laughed at)

    0|1
    0|0
    • Lol I actually love typo wear sloppy clothes too. I alternate. My mother was so embarrassed by me in high school because she's a fashion lady and I owned way more sweat shirts than shoes.

    • Actually, just thought of this. You can still dress nice and not be hit on. Buy some "Jethro teeth". That would kill all attraction in .000001 seconds.

    • I will. Thanks :)

  • Wear the nice clothes in the middle of the f***en Sahara desert. There, it is unlikely that you will find anyone to look at you.

    I am sorry to certain words but it is a rather silly thing you are asking and it provokes such reactions from people when they are feeling like saying what they feel without being diplomatic or unlike themselves.

    0|1
    0|0
  • I do not think you could solve this, if a guy wants to hit on you he will regardless of what you are wearing.

    0|0
    0|0
  • That's not possible.

    0|1
    0|0
  • you can't have your cake and eat it.

    choose one

    i would suggest you look cute and put up with all the guys eyes

    0|1
    0|0
    • it's true, you can't have your cake and eat it. but you know what you CAN have? Garlic pickles and beans.

    • Show All
    • I did not realize dressing to please yourself wasn't possible and it was merely for men's pleasure.

    • lol well you said it yourself, if you are gonna look good you can't expect guys to not look. it's just what we do we can't help it

  • More from Guys
    22

What Girls Said 15

  • There are things you can do to reduce the chance of people coming up to talk to you, but you can't deter just being hit on, because other people not in that category won't talk to you either. If you want to though, you can walk around with headphones in your ears, talk on the phone, or look busy, and most people won't approach you. You could also not make eye-contact or smile, maybe put on an unfriendly face, but that's all I can think of.

    2|0
    0|0
    • I think that generally because I look twelve I don't get hit on too often anyways. Haha. In high school I don't think I was approached much but at work and in the summer I am. I'm nervous about college regarding that

    • Show All
    • It's more like social gatherings at college. I tend to get attached to really nice guys and always end up dating rather than simply flirting and so I just want to completely avoid this for now.

  • Well, that's what you get for thinking. Didn't you know that women are merely baubles to decorate fella's lives? Okay, Okay- I KNOW not all guys are like that, of course not. But it irritates me when I see some XYs display behavior or actually say stuff along the lines of "of course you will get male attention if you look good because that's what guys do" or some sh*t like that. Fortunately, and you will see it as you get older, MEN don't think that way.

    1|0
    0|0
  • 2 words: GARLIC PICKLES. Eat like 4 or 5 before you go out and the stink wafting out of your piehole will discourage ANYONE from talking to you. You can still dress up anyway you want, but you will reek so righteously that those ol pesky mens won't mess with you. It will also keep women away. And children. You may not be able to get a cab and if you try to ride a bus, you might get kicked off. Small price to pay. Or you could eat a lot of beans and let your a**hole do the talking- it will be saying STAY AWAAAAAAAY, and probably people will.

    1|0
    0|0
    • Lol oh man I am totally going to do this. I thin I may just walk around with a scowl.

    • Show All
    • I think "smarmy" is TOO nice. He's more like a boil on the ass of humanity.

    • Lol that's hilarious

  • Look mean and disinterested with others, keep your sunglasses on, have headphones on, give condescending looks also don't smile basically look like you would tell guys to go away. Or when a guy tries to talk to you look him up and down pull a disgusted face and walk off. I dress sexy, I get male attention but they usually don't interact with me unless I initiate it because I look like I'm mean ( I don't do it on purpose it is just how I am). I overheard some guys say I look like I would tell them to go away which is the only way I can suggest to repell men. They way I see it wear whatever the hell you want and completely ignore people that you don't want to talk to.

    0|0
    0|0
    • It's hard because I'm a friendly person but only want friendship. I like good conversation but not flirting at all.

  • preach!

    i wish I could wear nice clothes abd shoes and not be hit on.

    actually, even when I wear sloppy clothes while jogging/running...i still have that issue.

    lol, I just don't understand guys.

    0|0
    0|0
  • The best you could do is just to ignore their advances, smile and walk away.

    0|0
    0|0
  • Fake wedding ring or a sour facial expression will do the trick.

    0|0
    0|1
  • oooh girl. I thought I was alone on this one...

    0|0
    0|0
  • Dont be friendly or give open body language to guys you don't want to talk to. if a guy does hit on you, just be really short and disinterested with him

    0|0
    0|0
  • ya it sucks

    0|0
    0|0
  • I know how you feel! Too many pigs out here acting entitled like they have the right to hit on you or like if you want to look nice, it's for them. smdh, they need to get over themselves.

    0|0
    0|0
  • Lol there's nothing you can do. All guys are perverts.

    0|0
    1|0
  • ignore it.

    2|0
    0|0
    • you don't want to "rebound on some poor guy?" um... so don't. the way you dress has nothing to do with who you "rebound on."

    • Show All
    • Well, at least take responsibility for your use of rebound guys- don't blame that on them for giving you attention because you look cute.

    • yeah be honest with them from the get go. we assume you like us as more than friends if you share really private details with us.

  • I'm going to second the wedding ring idea - try a fake ring and see if that helps.

    2|0
    0|1
  • Carry around a spiked club covered in blood. Maybe some bits and pieces of torn cloth too. Also try to look as menacing as possible, and try not to let any cops see you to avoid trouble.

    1|1
    0|0
Loading...