Am I Unattractive to Men?

What a bogus deal! Why do my friends, both male and female, insist that I'm beautiful and "have a lot going for me"? I'm very rarely asked out, and when it does happen, it's nearly always by some guy who is overconfident and lacks genuine character.

Any speculation as to why this is the case?


Most Helpful Guy

  • You're certainly not unattractive.

    Consider that today's society is filled with fear and weakness; everyone is afraid of getting hurt, being humiliated, being rejected, looking or sounding stupid. Prizes for winners have been replaced by participation ribbons, quality education scrapped in favor of 'No Child Left Behind' policies. Military entrance tests modified to allow in lesser humans, rather than those most suited for combat. My point? It's no wonder that "overconfident" men are the ones who approach you. Everyone else is petrified by societal-induced fear.

    How can a person be TOO confident? TOO willing to go after what they want? Would you prefer people who would rather stay in their comfort zone? From the tone of your question, it doesn't seem that would be the case. I would recommend counting yourself amongst the "overconfident" and striding out into the world with a goal in mind. Set standards and rise to achieve them, going after men who do likewise.

    Don't wait for a guy to ask you out -- ask him out.

    • Wow, this is such a well-informed answer. Thank you!

      Thing is, I'm shy myself - especially when I find somebody I like. What I meant by "overconfident" guys was that the guys who tend to ask me out have self-aggrandizement issues:

      "You know, I'm going to end the hypocrisy of major institutions, single-handedly!"

      "You need a man who understands your complexities - and my IQ is almost equivalent to Stephen Hawking's!"

      I wish these were fictional quotes.

    • Show All
    • Hah, you're absolutely right, Warren. =)

      This is ridiculous, but another issue I have is that I GENERALLY tend to find myself attracted to... well, men in their mid to late twenties, while I'm still nineteen. ;p Either that, or the guys I fancy (from afar, anyway) already have girlfriends.

      Alas, this is the predicament. ;D

    • That's normal. Many of the qualities women look for (material affluence [an ability to provide], status, security, etc) are more readily available in men past their teens. On the other hand, many women in their late twenties have children or are looking to have them, which is why so many guys go for young girls. In this regard you may be fortunate -- you're 19, looking for an older guy. 'tis not a predicament. ;) As long as you realize what you're getting into, you can enjoy yourself.

What Guys Said 4

  • You're definitely not unattractive in the least - if I was single, I would ask you out. I agree with Warren and PinkMaggit: a lot of people out there simply fear rejection too much to make a move, and the problem there is that nothing will happen in response (zero effort put in, and likewise, zero effort gained). Seek out the guys who you feel embody the traits you'd like to have in a steady boyfriend, (e.g. a good listener, creative, outgoing, etc.) and chat them up/ask for dates, etc. I guarantee you, eventually your effort will pay off. Good luck!

  • I think you're cute.

    Trouble is, you're waiting for things to happen to you, which always leads to frustration and resentment when events don't happen as you anticipated or expected.

    The cure: don't wait for guys to talk to you. Talk to guys more often. initiate conversations. Flirt with the guys you think have more character. Ask guys for dates.

    Warren hit the bulls-eye. The more bold and confident guys who are hitting on you, but who lack character, are more likely to be player types. Lots of other guys are terrified of rejection -- partly, I think, because women are in touch with their own feelings, but generally out-of-touch with men's feelings and how to deal with us as as equals. A perfect example is your friends assuming that guys are intimidated by you. That's a generalization that makes men look like weaklings, rather than empathizing with guys and understanding their perspective.

    If you don't like the players, you need to look for other kinds of guys. You need to take a bit more responsibility for your life and your choices. You need to be willing to take a risk, and feel a bit of rejection to understand how difficult it can be for a guy to talk to a girl he likes.

    So think of the traits you want in a guy. Then, go looking for guys who have those traits and reach out to them as an equal.

    • Yeah, I always suspected that "they're intimidated by someone like you" was a bit of a cop-out. I always thought it too convenient.

      Your insight, like Warren's, is so insightful. I myself have experienced rejection in various forms, so I do very much empathize with men who may be feeling similarly.

      I guess I'm just going to have to be more courageous!

    • You sound quite smart .. and you like guys my age.

      But you're too far away.


    • Awh, I just now noticed that you responded! haha, my gosh.

      Yes, I'm generally attracted to guys your age. Not to generalize, but by your age the guys I'm attracted to have a better sense of who they are and what they want. Guys my age, and in university with me... not so much. They're always back and forth, not knowing what they want.

      This is a crazy question, but do you have MSN? I would love to talk to you more. =)

  • first, I say your attractive, and depending on your personality I'd ask you out. I think MAYBE, and I could be off base, you are putting out a certain 'vibe' that is gettin you those particular I would assume you act very confident, self assured etc, maybe (dare I say it) it MAY look as though you are bitchy...all of which a lot of guys find intimidating. I say screw the rules, go after the guys you are attracted to! too many guys "wait too long" to ask out the girl that they are interested in.

    Im in canada too btw lol ;-) have a good nite

    • Thing is though, I'm EXTREMELY shy. I only seem 'confident' when it comes to my work, but I'm always told how flexible and approachable I am.

      Anyways, yes, I should just be more courageous. ;p

  • You're very cute, so, at the very least, you're not physically unattractive. Is there anything wrong with your personality?

    • Lol, oh gosh! Well, everyone has their flaws. Whenever I ask my friends and relatives this question, they always respond with, "They're intimidated by you!"

      It's nice to think of men as being shy, but that might not always be the case. I'm told I'm very approachable and compassionate, so I don't see what's to be intimidated about!

What Girls Said 1

  • Same exact thing here. It's irritating at times, but what I've been told is that guys tend to be intimidated by attractive girls, and so they don't approach them because they are shy. The guys that land up approach you are probably players. Maybe you should try approaching a guy you like, if there is one. It seems that guys really like it when a girl comes up to them.

    • Awh, thank you for that. =) I have a picture of myself on my profile, it that helps to give this situation a better context.

    • No problem. You're really cute! ^-^ I think that you'll be fine.