"Girls don't care about confidence. They only care about looks." Girls, your take?

I see a lot of guys say things like this. I would like to have a fair and honest discussion about it.

Guys, why do you think this?

Girls, what is your take on it?

Please, please, please, please, please, please, PLEASE keep it civil.


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Most Helpful Girl

  • I'm not getting on your ass, Ranger, but it annoys me when I see sh*t like this. (I'm about to use "you" a lot, but I don't mean YOU. I mean "you, in general") Because first of all, who gets to decide what is attractive? Do I? Because I have weird taste in men, I'll tell you right now. So it can't be me. Anyone else? Who decides the standard for what is attractive in a man physically? Okay, now who gets to decide the standard for women? Once everyone in the United States (I won't get crazy and insist on a world-wide scale, we'll keep it local-ish) agrees to these standards, then we can have a f***ing discussion about who wants what in whom and to what degree and other (if any) mitigating factors. It's annoying to be told what I want, how I feel, and what I think. I think that is my biggest issue with all this. Yes, it's true- I do own a vagina. I keep it with me all the time, we're cool like that. This identifies me as a person who was born with XX chromosomes... there's a little more to me than that- I'm just saying. I am not the sum of my parts, for Christ's sake. Neither are you. Neither is anyone.

    People are individuals. Women AND men get to be unique people who are more than what they keep in their pants. When you lump people together and assume that what is true about one person must also then be true about other people who share the same vague physical characteristics, what you have is a bunch of STUPID. We can't relate to each other in this way. Check it out: my ex husband has blue eyes that are kind of round. He also has a horrible temper and liked to slap me around. What if I decided that all blue-eyed people with roundish peepers are just aching to whip my ass? What if I decided that I don't like it and if I want to avoid it, I need to get the drop on all you blue-eyes? Would you like that? That would be STUPID. How about if I told you that you're a violent, sadistic mofo because I said so? And because I said so, that makes it true?

    Guess what. I am perfectly aware of what I like and what I don't like. I know what I mean when I say something. You don't get to tell me how I am. If I say I like a man who's compassionate and sincere and smart and secure and can make me laugh because THAT is what I find attractive, then nobody gets to tell me that sh*t isn't true. That is what I find distasteful about all this "Girls don't care about confidence. They only care about looks" sh*t. Do not f***ing tell me what *I* care about because you don't know. I am the resident f***ing expert on ME, okay? I live with me everyday and I take me with me everywhere I go, and I have been through a lot of sh*t with me- I KNOW ME BETTER THAN YOU DO. So when you ask ME a question, and I tell you what *I* think, you don't get to tell me I'm wrong. How about THEM apples? You don't get to forcefeed me your opinion or your agenda or your ANYTHING. You ask me what I want, and I will tell you ,and then you can shut the f*** up about it.

    I'll do the same for you.

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    • Good way of putting it. I've seen girls around before with average to subpar-looking guys, so I can't really say I buy into the "they only want looks" notion.

    • You are a reasonable person, Ranger. And the thing is, if you like someone then even if they aren't traditionally good-looking, they become more and more attractive the more you like them. Beauty is in the eye of the beholder, right? It's cliche' because it's true.

What Girls Said 23

  • MEN TOO.

    If you have some stretch marks they don't want you

    if you have some cellullite they don't want you

    if you've slept with a black guy they don't want you

    if you have a bigger bum tthen most girls hey don't want you

    if you are over 5'5 they don't want you

    if you are not caucasion they don't want you

    if you are not skinny and curvy at the same time they don't want you.

    if you have one crooked tooth they don't want you

    if you don't have clear skin they don't want you

    if you don't have perfectly trimmed eyebrows they don't want you.

    if you don't have supple perky boobs they don't want you.

    if you don't have straight toes they don't want you

    if you don't have small feet they don't want you.

    if you have big hips they don't want you

    if you don't have colored eyes they don't want you.

    if you don't have full lips they don't want you.

    if you don't have a flat stomach they don't want you

    If your arms are a little thick they don't want you.

    Men have just as much shallowness as women.

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    • lmao @ "if you don't have straight toes they don't want you." +1

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    • None of them are true for me except for 3 and 5. Yeah I'm not comfortable with girls sleeping another guy in general, nothing against blacks. I wouldn't be against 5 if I'm taller than 5'7.

    • lol look at all the controversy I created aahahahah

  • Women, like men, are individuals, with their own likes and dislikes. Just because a guy confidently comes up to a woman because he finds her attractive. Is she really obligated to entertain his advances even though she may find him unattractive, perhaps, maybe even repulsive? This is one of the most difficult things that guys can't seem to understand, at least from the standpoint of the girl.

    Somehow, they seem to have an excellent understanding in regard to women that are attracted to them, yet they don't feel obligated to entertain that woman's signals or advances. He will more than likely not return her advances and will hold out for the girl who they are attracted to in the hopes that she will reciprocate his feelings for her. Of course if she isn't attracted to him, then he will wonder all kinds of irrational things, such as "Why does she not want me, I'm a good guy. She must want a bad boy not realizing that all he's gonna do is hurt her."

    Or there's the "Why doesn't she want me, I have a good job, a nice car and a nice home." They always want to justify our not liking them then pass it off as some flaw in our character, or we're not giving him a chance.

    Of course while he doesn't need to see past the unattractive girl's character and is driven to find a woman whom he is attracted to, we're supposed to forgo our own preferences just to appease him. I find it self serving and reeks of double standard thinking.

    Yes we want security. We want a decent guy who is loving, respectful and faithful, what we perceive as the total package. So the real question is why is it that guys want the total package in a girl but the girl should compromise some or all of what she finds as the total package just to settle for a guy who may have a lot of good things going for him but she can't get past his face?

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    • Interesting answer. Honestly, I'm not really a fan of that kind of mentality, though I can understand why girls feel that way.

    • I can also understand why guy feel the way they feel as well, but I don't really go for the double standard. I prefer it to be equal across the board. That way when a girl and a guy meet and everything is mutual, the relationship will be equally fulfilling for both, not just one.

  • Although I love a good looking guy, confidence is way more important. Why? Because no one wants someone who crumbles under pressure. Say we live together for 7 years, there will be struggles in life, financially, health wise, we may even get robbed. Do we want a guy who hides behind the desk when things get tough or a guy who stands up and takes initiative to protect and find a solution. Women hate the idea of struggling on their own. Women don't like guys with feminine energy [AKA A BUM]. I hate the though of raising kids on my own while paying the bills and having to fix everything myself. We want a guy to make our lives easier. By no means am I saying that nervous or shy guys are going to make us struggle, but it can very easily be misinterpreted that way which can be unfair. No matter how much we might love "hot guys", looks aren't as important and don't even compare to confidence.

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  • I don't ONLY care about looks. Neither do many girls. It is somewhat important. Attraction is after all what originally leads you to just like a guy more than other guys. This attraction is mostly influenced on looks yes. But there is also a personality component and a chemistry component. It's not just one thing that we care about. We care about the entire package. Just cause a guy is confident doesn't mean we'll be attracted to him, but it doesn't hurt either. Just like looks doesn't always mean we'll want to be with a guy. There's a lot of hot guys out there but I don't automatically want to be with all of them just cause they're hot. It takes more than that for many of us girls.

    I'm speaking from a girl who isn't into casual one night stand kinda sh*t's point of view. After reading some answers I see some girls just want to have sex with a hot guy and that's that. No strings attached Not all women are like this. I know I'm not. I'm a relationship kinda girl. So I see things long term wise. Not short term wise and I know that picking a guy long term wise solely based on looks is a recipe for disaster.

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  • As a girl I don't entirely care about looks I don't put on make-up. I don't straighten or dye my hair, I don't try to dress all fancy every day just casually apart from interviews and the odd party I am very anti about other girls doing all this and I don't want to be anything like them, it seems most girls do care about looks too much, they are very insecure and every time somebody says something about them they just start to crumble instantly, start crying, panicking then they change what a person says about them, or tries to anyway, they go through this every time someone says something instead of ignoring them and I really find it laughable they try too hard to be liked. It's got that bad I can't even be friends with most girls because they are too scared of what others will say being around me and honestly it's really hurtful when I'm actually a real person but they judge me in such a way. The reason why women never answer the question and ask you about what you think of it first is so they can come up with some answer to try and not make you see how insecure they are, I've asked girls why they always care so much what others think and I say to them why must they be so hard on themselves but they avoid the actual questions and say because I want to, they never give a straight answer at all and I honestly feel sorry for them but they also start hating you after you ask them and start acting jealous. I think this is what men are seeing but these days men also try to dress to impress but it only the younger lot really, when they make a family through men don't really care afterward but women still do even when they have found someone they love they still dress to impress for others but I just don't see why we should try to impress people when mostly they don't appreciate it or care, people want friends and relationships with people who care more about a quality friendship or relationship with someone who doesn't care what anyone thinks about them and I do too.

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  • I seriously think the guys who tend to think like this and generalize girls as only being into looks have only dealt with such women without regards to other women around them. Or maybe the other women around them suck, but that certainly doesn't mean we're all obsessed with appearance.

    I have a friend who thought that until I asked him why waste his time with a girl like me if he assumes I'm just as shallow as everyone else. He KNOWS I'm not so his argument is invalid.

    I usually fall personality first. I can think someone is hot, but I won't ever act on it or crush hard unless I see them do something that makes me fall for their brains and personality. I hated one boy, who was pretty attractive, but not more than his friends. it took forever to win me over, but he finally did during class because he was super into what he was talking about and it was endearing and kinda sexy.

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  • I'm completely honest when I say confidence is sexy. The two guys I currently have feelings for are are really nothing special to look at. They're alright, but most girls wouldn't give them a second glance on looks alone. What makes them attractive, though, is their attitude. It's kind of a big turnoff to have an insecure guy... I don't want to have to constantly reassure him and all that.

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  • I think this quote comes from insecure possibly unattractive guys who instead of owning up to their faults, just blame them not getting any female attention on females by insisting we just care about looks. Whoever made this bs up has probably not had a lot of experience with females and they are simply bitter. I think that many guys are too quick to avoid the reality that they are not very attractive to females by saying things like...

    "Girls don't like nice guys"

    "Girls just want money"

    "Pretty girls are superficial and high maintenence"

    "Girls don't care about confidence. They only car about looks"

    These are all comments made to deny that there is something about a guy in question, as an individual, that overal females are not attracted to or interested in.They need to own up to it an fix it instead of preaching this nonsense.

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    • who are u? miss world, miss universe? this is just a question. it has nothing to do with look or confidence. yes cheffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffff guys pack up pack up time to go to bed, thank you everyone, goodbye chef, bharatpata atapata lapata bepata

    • so its my fault for being born ugly ?

  • Actually for me its quite the opposite, I care more about confidence than looks.

    Anyone can be good looking but have very low confidence... wheres the fun in that?

    Confidence is EVERYTHING, and the only thing you have to offer is your pretty face, well I'll just be sick of looking at ya ;)

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  • Those guys think that asking out is confidence. It's not. Stuttering, muttering and looking scared while asking her out still means they don't appear confident. Furthermore, those guys think that just because confidence matters, a girl who's way out of their league will accept them. Why would she settle for an ugly confident guy when she can get a confident handsome one? Guys don't do that either, so why should women? But if she were to choose between a handsome confident guy and a more handsome awkward one, she would go for the confident one. Confidence does matter, but it doesn't perform miracles

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    • Jup. Bummer. But would you choose an ugly confident girl over an awkward beautiful one?

  • I don't think like this. If a guy is ridiculously attractive but is never willing to go out of his way to be sociable with a girl or is just a total cocky upstart then I can't be attracted to them, physically or in any other way. If a guy is a really nice guy, is talkative, shows interest and has average looks, I'd find him far more attractive than this first guy.

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  • Sadly, there's a lot of girls that think that being good looking it's all they have to do to get a guy. I was one of those girls. I used to think like that, since I thought I wasn't "hot", I had any chance with the guys I liked.

    But once I started to be more confident about myself I noticed that I became more attractive to guys. They even say that my at times dorky behavior it's awesome because I'm not afraid to show who I really am.

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    • More guys like dorky girls than most girls realize!

    • yet girls hate dorky guys . or ugly guys

    • that's not true at all. In my case, I love dorky guys and I'm not that much into looks. The bad thing is that this kind of guys doesn't have enought confidence to ask a girl out :(

  • true. another person's confidence does not matter to me. I care about how they treat me and if we are attracted to each other on several levels. that would include physically.

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  • Its true but if a shy guy isn't confident but cute he may have lost his chance since it looks like he doesn't wana be approached

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  • Everyone is different...

    but I don't dress to impress.

    The ONLY person I need to impress, is myself.

    To accept myself is hard enough, why should I want someone ELSE'S approval when I don't even have my own?

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  • Confidence and someone who is humorous are what I like

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  • Guys often confuse charismatic guys with good looking ones. Also, they overestimate HOW MUCH charisma and confidence can overcome poor looks. Rarely, will it help a guy who is homely get a very attractive girl...which is what most of the guys whining about keep doing over and over. The same that being a good cook won't win a handsome guy over for a homely female, despite it being a positive trait.

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  • every girl is different. the better looking girls will of course be able to have first pick of the better looking guys. ideally you want a good looking confident guy. you don't want a guy so unattractive you never want to have sex with him. if he's that ugly then I don't care how confident he is. but you don't want a cute guy who isn't that confident either. well some girls might find it endearing, but most girls want a manly type guy that can turn you on, not a boyish awkward type.

    it just depends on what kinds of girls the guy is aiming to attract. if he has that slightly cute but awkward unconfident nerdy appeal, then he can get girls but he will be getting the female equivalent to him. so if you want to pick and choose from the hottest girls, you have to be very confident and have looks on your side too.

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  • Not everyone only cares about looks.

    Some do, for some it's all that really matters. But just because those people exist doesn't mean ALL people are like that.

    I fall for humble confidence the most. Men who are comfortable with who they are, but who don't constantly act like they're the best thing on Earth.

    I've dated guys that I didn't really find very physically attractive at first. Their personalities drew me in. After getting to know them better, they started to look better to me physically as well, because I just adored them. It's happened many times.

    If there's even a touch of arrogance, like "You're lucky to have me" kind of thing, I'm gone. And I don't care what you look like, haha!

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  • it is not true

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  • we care about looks but confidence is better, nobody wants an insecure guy.

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  • Women care about looks despite what so many men think. We want sex and want to be able to get off fast. Women can't do that with ugly dude, although women do get turned on by sensuality period unlike men. And we want our kids to look good. But it's personality that keeps us talking to you.

    The guy who said that is probably unattractive sure, but he failed to realize unattractive girls get rejected too.

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  • I like both because if I'm not attracted to a guy I can't f*** him it's not gonna work . I know this because I had tried this before and no matter how I tried could never sleep with guys I'm not attracted to.

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    • I don't believe that a girl should FORCE herself to date a guy that doesn't appeal to her physically...I don't get why so many guys feels women should completely disregard her physical preferences.

    • I know right I wish I didn't do that but I did it a lot when I was a teenager

What Guys Said 8

  • The guys who say that are insecure and have never really put effort into talking to women because they're too afraid to leave their little comfort zone. Even if 99% of girls only cared about looks, wouldn't it still be worth it to try and talk to girls to find an awesome chick in that 1% that you connect with? Unfortunately, those types of guys just prefer to stay at their computers and complain.

    Sure, there are some shallow girls out there (just like how there are shallow guys), and it may be a lot easier for good-looking guys to get girls, but the majority can be won over by confidence. You just have to put effort into it. Girls aren't just going to fall into your lap, and you're not just suddenly going to be really good at talking to them.

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  • girls usually need a good looking guy to get turned on from what I've seen. They care about confidence because they don't want to be the ones who do most of the first moves/approaching. They want you to come to them. But confidence alone won't get you a girl

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  • I've always thought it was the opposite.

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  • girls go for a good looking confident guy like me.

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  • they want both, so that is bullsh*t

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  • Not true in my experience. Guy with good looks may not be able to stay with the girl if he doesn't have the confidence. Confidence can win at the end, regardless of looks.

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    • BS how can we keep them if we can't get them ?

      girls will leave the boring good looking guy and go after other good looking guys

  • its true , remember they say they want nice guys , so why should you believe them when they BS about confidence ?

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  • Girls need both if they date a guy.

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