Is confidence in a guy similar to looks?

What I mean is, if you could get over someone's lack of confidence, as you would looks, and he had an amazing personality, was emotionally there etc.. would his lack of confidence still be unattractive?

Updates:
Sorry I guess I should've been more clear. By lack of confidence, I meant public speaking, approaching strangers etc... Not lack of confidence in himself/the relationship.

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Most Helpful Girl

  • I think a lack of confidence generally lead to unattractive behavior in either sex. Either being too desperate and needy, or being rude because you're nervous or being so shy that people don't realize you're looking for someone. Etc. Really, a ton of negative behaviors in dating come from a lack of confidence. Inner confidence leads to people being assertive, more apt to try for what they want, less likely to put someone down out of personal insecurity, more considerate of others, less self-absorbed, more fun, etc. There is a wide area of confidence, of course. Someone who just needs some love and support is completely normal, but someone who expects their partner to always bolster their self worth is difficult.

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What Girls Said 13

  • That doesn't make any sense. Confidence (or lack thereof) affects a lot of things. How can anyone be "emotionally there" if confidence isn't a part of the equation? Insecurities will sooner or later start to show, which can make anyone very emotional, clingy, needy, desperate, even angry or aggressive. Those labels simply don't fit into the whole "emotionally there" picture.

    But, it kind of depends on just how insecure said person is. Sometimes it's barely noticeable, and sometimes it's all up in your face. If it's the latter, then no... it's not something you could just "get over", which means it will be unattractive regardless of how great you are otherwise.

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  • "unattractive"... It's very hard to deal with a person who does not like themselves. They will be fishing for compliments all the time, they will be insecure about their body/ behavior /etc.(whatever they're insecure about) and it won't be easy to do certain things with them. I know lots of insecure people and many of them make me feel sorry for them because they think they can't survive without a boyfriend/a flat stomach/a new car. But some of them are still lovely people and I stick around anyway so :) Also, if your definiton of "lack of confidence" is "being a bit uncomfortable when it comes to approaching strangers" or anythign similar the answer is no, it would not be unattractive. A ceratin level of confidence is neccessary, but I don't need a cocky guy who can't stop talking about himself.

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  • It really depends on your interaction with them.

    I mean, I'm a very confident person. I have a lot of charisma and spunk, but my girlfriend can be VEERRRY self-depreciating. It's clear that she has very little confidence and self esteem but one of my favorite parts of our relationship is that I get to build her up piece by piece and watch her blossom and I love it.

    But that's the kind of person I am. :)

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  • Since confidence is a part of your personality, I don't see how you think that would work. But lack of confidence is unattractive, no matter how you twist or turn it. You can fake it for a while, but sooner or later your insecurities will start to show. And I don't want a man who doesn't want me to have male friends, asks me where I'm going all the time, asks me why I didn't text him back, asks me if or why I love him etc. All extremely unattractive and clingy qualities that come from a lack of confidence. But even if he wasn't clingy, he still can't stick up for himself. No thanks.

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  • I think that confidence can always be built up, if you have the right personality, confidence can come later.

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  • Confidence builds a person's look (if that makes any sense). I know a lot of not-so-cute guys who has loads of confidence, and boy oh boy did it make them look good! Lol

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  • My confidence sucks so I have no room to complain about another guy's confidence. I would want to be there to help him through it. There's a difference between "being a wimp" and "lacking confidence" though, imo. A wimp is just unattractive to me.

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  • I don't know, how someone feels about themselves unconsciously rubs off on how they associate themselves with other people. As long as he's not super pessimistic and negative about everything, I wouldn't mind too much.

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  • i don't mind a lack of confidence

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  • I for one have like zero confidence when it comes to myself and a guy I like. It all really depends what the girl's type is, she may go for the sweet guy who will be there for her no matter what, or she may be into the flirty show off jock.

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  • Absolutely! Be positive, kind and funny and a girl can overlook physical flaws easily!

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  • I couldn't get over a guy not being confident.if he's not he better be good at covering it up and fake it till he makes it. Yes lack of confidence would still be unattractive. It's sexy when a man is strong and confident, not meek unsure of himself and weak

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  • honestly it depends on his behavior.

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What Guys Said 2

  • I'm not a bad looking chap. But when I'm not confident, I barely get any attention at all. When I'm feeling at my best, women stare at me like I'm some kind of luminescent sky-being.

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  • something in my mind tells that could be true

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