Why nice guys lose out to bad boys?

My theory about nice guys

so I have been thinking about why nice guys lose out to bad boys. So I have noticed a lot of guys who consider themselves to be nice guys only go for really hot looking girls. Is that considered being nice? I think that these hot girls that they go after realize that they are quite shallow and these nice guys lose out. I feel as hot girls know they shouldn't be treated any better than the plainer looking females and any over the top compliments are not the truth being said by nice guys. I think true nice guys are something different. I don't know how far off am I from the truth do you think?


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Most Helpful Girl

  • this is so true. I've seen so many guys like that always complain about how women do them wrong and how they're so nice, but they only go after model looking chicks. and not only do they do that, but they kiss her ass and go overboard to impress her while ignoring all other females. really those guys aren't any better than the guys who are dating the women they want, they just lack what it takes to get the women they want. a true nice guy is cool with everyone around him, not just the hottest girl. and a real man doesn't bow down and let girls walk all over him just because she's gorgeous. true nice guys are rarely ever the ones crying loudest though. there are a lot of fake nice guys masquerading as actual nice guys. you see it all the time with some of them asking questions on here like "i'm an average guy who's not the ugliest but not that good looking either. why can't I get a hot 8.5+ gf?" lol seriously

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    • very true I know lots of guys who think they are nice and kiss hot girl ass and get angry at her when she is not interested or has a boyfriend already and make other girls feel like crap by talking about how hot or pretty another girl is.

What Girls Said 5

  • You are 100% correct! We can totally see when a guy is being nice just to us or in front of us! I have even learned not to go based off how a guy treats my friends... Really you have to go with how a guy treats someone who is mean to him or has an extremely different opinion! That is the true nice guy! (My mom decided she would marry my dad when she drove past his car on the highway and saw him changing the tire of the girl who made fun of him at work for being a nerd... That's a real nice guy! Those guys get the girl!)

    On top of that there are a lot of self proclaimed "nice guys" who think that you owe them love (or some equivalent) just because they are "nice"... We need a natural chemistry and if nots mutual initially, you can't force it and get mad at the other person, which is what a lot of "nice guys" do. That is a major turn off, and nothing can grow.

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    • After coming back and reading through the guy answers, I just want to add these "nice guys" may not neccisarilly go after the "hot girl" but the point is they select one special girl to treat differently and single out. It could be another characteristic like maybe they are a nice girl or a smart girl, but the point isn't whether this girl is too hot for him or not, it is that he is being nice just to her and being a d*** to everyone else...

    • Also genuine good guys don't go around blaming their single status on women and claim that women just want a good guy. They recognize their on missteps and when things just didn't work out... It's a part of life and guess what sometimes things don't work out for us too and we don't blame you wanting something that is bad for you...

  • The problem with some "nice" guys is that they usually assume they should be entitled to a girl just cause they reckon they are nice. I know a lot of guys who will definitely describe themselves as nice but yet they have other awful characteristics that they seem to miss. Such as being hot/cold, arrogant or just any other bad trait really. The last guy I had something to do with told me he was a very nice guy and that he'll always treat a girl with respect and kindness. I believed him and he seemed to really play the part, till I found that he had a totally hidden agenda and actually was just after a good time but I promise you that if you go ask him today how he sees himself, you bet your ass he'll say hes's a nice guy!

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    • yeah those guys are really deceptive.

  • well good boys are no fun and normally come off thirsty bad boys ain't no good but sure know how to come off depends on who you ask that to all of us girls have different taste in guys and guys in girls

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  • i think there are genuinely nice guys and guys who are just pretending to be nice to get laid by hot girls. some girls can definitely tell when a guy is faking it or not.

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  • So you're saying nice guys always go after girls way out of their league? Yeah, that sounds about right.

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What Guys Said 9

  • I would amend your theory myself. I think that nice guys tend to go after hot girls in part because they think that being nice makes them more desirable. They hear girls say that they would rather date a nice guy than a hot guy who isn't nice and then assume that hot girls should like them. When they are rejected, they feel that the girls who made the original claims were dishonest. That develops into a sense of bitter entitlement that further alienates girls.

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  • I think women like to be treated like crap because its a challenge or also they have to "fix" the bad guy.

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    • Common myth. Girls never actually think that.

    • It's not a myth if its true

    • I'd stop a little short of "being treated like crap" but lots of girls truly fall into the "He needs me to help make him better" idiocy, haha. It's as cliche and true as the manly lesbian or the conservative that drives a huge truck or SUV. Completely truth.

  • That's one of the reasons for some of them. Nice guys are perceived as manipulative, and some are even if they aren't aware of it. By thinknig "if I be nice, she'll like me" is basically being manipulating.

    But then there are ones that are genuinely nice, the reason for them is they just don't show sexual interest, they don't make physical contact, and don't create emotions. They don't generate attraction.

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  • I agree with the general premise of what a non-genuine nice guy is, but they don't really need to be going after someone hot

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  • Because nice guys are nice. They're not masculine, dominant, etc. They put women on a pedestal, they don't realize that women love sex as much as men, they believe lies like "be her friend first to get to know her" etc. They're taught to respect women instead of how to make a move. They're told to be polite instead of being brash or brazen. They're told that you should compliment girls instead of making slight negs or teasing and making fun of them.

    In short, nice guys lose out to bad boys because they learned how to treat people when you're in customer service, but not how to treat women you'd like to be with.

    As a former "sweet, nice guy" (that's what the women said, not me) that's the truth.

    But hey, go and say how nice guys are actually shallow a**holes if you want. You know the result? Some of those nice, sweet guys who think you need to respect women will realize how stupid they're really being, and they'll turn into those guys you see talked about on this site when girls say "he's a player, but I think I can make him fall in love" or "why do all the guys just want to sleep with me, but no one wants a relationship"?

    So go on, keep talking about what douche bags nice guys are. :D It'll sting them at first, but then they'll get better, and women will pay the price.

    As they say--being a crook can pay well, but a society of criminals ruins everything.

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    • Clearly you have never been hit on by a guy... Just saying... I have dated plenty of genuine guys who weren't bad boys and I didn't feel they were denying their masculinity, but I have had far more pretend to be nice guys when I could clearly see they weren't they were just being nice to my face

      But go on tell me how I should feel about it, because you know you don't have to date the douche bags so that totally makes you able to form an opinion in why it's wrong for me to be weary...

    • Perhaps I should clarify. Are we talking about guys who declare themselves are nice, or the guys who are told by girls the, "you're a nice, sweet guy" line? I think only the latter counts.

  • You're right to a degree. There are certainly some guys who fall into your definition of "nice guy", with the behaviors you describe. But there are also plenty who don't - good guys who do in fact have much less chance of getting a girl, hot or not, than your typical "bad boy".

    Look, we're not doing anyone any favors by trying to deny that younger women in general are in fact attracted to bad boys more than your typical good guy. Why do we continue to try t sweep that behavior under the rug? Why are you contributing to that problem, QA?

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  • I think you're off. From my observations, hardly any guy goes for the hot girls. Nice guys are no more likely to go for them than any other kind of guy is. All the 'nice guys' I have known have gone for average and below-average girls.

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  • So the "bad boys" don't go after really hot girls? But from what I get that you're trying to say is nice guys go after hot girls and that's why they get rejected?

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    • they do but are more honest and don't over inflate their egos

    • Bad boys are smart enough to chip away at girls' egos, not try to make them feel better. It's called negging, you give small insults, verbal backhands to the girl.

  • You had to come up with a theory as to why nice guys are pushovers who act fake to get someone to like them, and have unrealistic situations built up in their head?

    No no no, I think you're way off and your "theory" doesn't even make sense. What you described might be considered a guy with high expectations. It has nothing to do with him being nice or not.

    A nice guy is...oh wait, I already mentioned it in the first paragraph.

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