Are women still looking for a good man or has it been diminished?

I am 29 years old. I have been in a few relationships as well as being married and divorced. I live in Illinois. I have been single for over a year and am looking. But when I look around where I have been looking it seems that being the good guy isn't what is wanted anymore. Am I dreaming or is the want of a good man by a woman dying? Is it diminishing? Is it fading? I look and I see all of what I have fought against and stand against becoming more and more abundant and the good if not great guys are being pushed aside...has this what it has become? Are there any women out there still looking for the good guy or has it just become another memory and a faded dream? Where has the value of a good guy gone? And what the heck has taken its place? I know I'm still kind of young but it wasn't this bad when I was a kid. What happened around here? I honestly hope I can find someone that looks for the good guy rather than the bad man that would hurt a woman or treat them like crap. Its not me and I certainly don't agree with it. Where are the women looking for good guys these days? Ladies...were still around just a lot harder to find apparently. Do you still look for the good guy or are you just going with the flow now and afraid of going for something different compared to the new social norm?

I left this out of the question so I should put this in. I am a strong man of mind, body and heart. I like to have fun and excitement and not be boring. And I am a great lover.There's a lot to me than just a good guy. I fight when I have too and I stand up for others when need be. As well as have stability. I like to go out and try new things and be adventurous.


Most Helpful Girl

  • Of course there are women out there who are looking for a good man. Just because you're struggling to find one that you're attracted to, it doesn't mean that there are none. And as one anon girl here already said, it seems that a lot of men have become very bitter, passive aggressive, doormat men who expect a girlfriend to fall in their laps just because they themselves think that they "deserve it" because they're "nice". Just take a look at like 50% of the questions asked here by men (often anonymously). Lots of them whine about not finding a woman, and cry about "bad guys" taking all of them.

    It's good that you know your flaws, but there is always room for improvement. I'm not saying you should change all of yourself, I'm just saying that sometimes you can change for the better with one particular personality trait. It sounds harsh, but there are lots of people out there who won't accept every single flaw that you have, even though you do. Also, I've always been a firm believer in the saying "actions speak louder than words". If you really are as good and nice as you say, you wouldn't have to prove yourself by talking about it verbally. You would show it in your actions instead, as well as your actual behavior. I've seen and met SO many guys that have said "really, I'm a nice guy", but when it comes down to it, they're all talk and no action. Don't be one of those guys, because you wrote quite the essay there on your supposedly good traits.

    Also, I think it's good that the good women are hard to get, that they won't just fall easily into your lap. You're supposed to work hard for the good things in life, and not be entitled to it just because you personally think you're this and that. The good women are SUPPOSED to be special, just like the good guys are. They wouldn't be good nor special if they came that easily to you, know what I'm saying?

    • Ok. I have changed some of my personality traits that were pointed out to me. I have been through a lot in my life already. And I mean a lot. Been married, daughter passed away after being born premature divorced, been with a couple of very crazy women etc etc. And yet I maintain. I'm not saying that I expect a girl to fall in my just saying a good guy like me and others would like a woman to go out of her way to give us a fighting chance to show who and what we are. THATS what I mean


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What Girls Said 7

  • we want a good man but we feel they are diminished

    • Were not extinct yet. Lol. A dying breed but not just yet.

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    • don't worry then,theres a good woman out there for u

    • Thank you.

  • Nope, not looking. Already found him.

    Also, as a note, I wouldn't date a guy who had been divorced before unless I had gotten married and divorced, which I don't really plan on doing.

    • How about if it was the guy that divorced the woman for her being physically abusive and verbally abusive oh and cheated on him with some random guy she met online all the way in california during Valentine's week a and confessed to it on Valentines day when she told him a month before that she was going to Napperville to a hospital convention because she worked as a caterer in a hospital at the time? Just because a guy is divorced doesn't mean its not for a good reason or anything he did.

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    • It has nothing to do with it being good or bad, I just would want the marriage to be the first for both of us. I just don't like the thought of multiple marriages. I hope to never get divorced. It's not a fair attitude, but it's just how I feel.

    • Ohhhhhhh OK I got ya now. My apologies.

  • I was looking for a good man, and I finally found one. Most girls want a good man, someone to be there for them in their time of need, someone to talk to who will understand them, etc

  • I want a good guy. I have experienced the wrath of bad men so that is all I look for, but it is harder to find you guys.

  • Yes still looking

  • Yeah, but we feel like there aren't any good guys out there. We mostly only see whiny, passive aggressive, doormat men. And there are very few truly nice guys. A lot of the men who identify themselves as "nice guys" are rarely nice. They are bitter, think poorly of women, refuse to see people as the nuanced individuals that they are, and choose to avoid addressing their personality/character flaws in favor of griping about others. None of that sh*t reads as nice to me.

    If you truly are a good man, you will find someone eventually.

    • Thank you for that. I know I'm a good man and I will find someone. I know my flaws and instead of trying to perfect them I accept them because no one is perfect and I have no illusions of that. I am me and me is who I am. I address them and face them but not all of them I change...for that would be boring if I were "perfect". But again thank you.

  • Are you fun to hang out with? Do you have a lot of friends, male and female? What do you do for fun? How often do you go out?

    In order for women to recognize how great you are, you need to attract them first. Most people aren't gonna take the time to get to know you unless you attract them

    • Oh yeah I'm a lot of fun to hang out with and yeah I have a lot of friends both male and female. Well I like movies and video games as well as bowling shooting pool dancing playing contact sports and trying new things. I haven't gone out in a while since my work schedule is of the third shift variety lol. But I'm up fot anything honestly. But how do you mean attract them in your opinion? Take the info I gave in all I said and elaborate for me.

What Guys Said 8

  • Around where? Is this just amongst you and your friends? Could it be that as you're getting older, women are looking for something else now that they've had experience? Maybe they want something more than just the good guy?

    You sound a bit bitter. I like to think of myself as a good guy (most men do I guess?), but being a good guy is boring. Sorry let me re-state that, JUST being a good guy is boring. You need to provide something to women's lives, some flair, stability, and whatever else you can offer. You can't just be a good guy, be the athlete guy, the provider, the family man, be something.

    Also simply boiling it down to 'good guy' vs 'bad boy' is really silly. It's like saying the world is black and white, but it's infinite shades of grey.

    • Yeah I left that stuff out since I was in a hurry to get ready for work.There's a lot to me such as having been an army combat soldier in the army and having been to other places in my life. Along with intelligence and common sense.

  • Most women are looking for something from someone, not just the person himself. When I talk to girls online they accidentally blurt out their intentions very early since I know how to extract what they're looking for from the get-go.

    A lot of girls are looking for a guy with resources. If they're sexual, they want a hot guy. If they want to move out, they're looking for a guy with a house. If they're looking for a long of things and to go out a lot, they're looking for a guy with money. If they're emotional, they're looking for a shoulder to cry on. They's always an intention with someone and honestly, all the "I want a good guy" stuff is just a bunch of fluff. People always want something from someone and if you don't have what they're looking for, they are not going to be attracted to you.

    Just being a "good guy" doesn't mean anything to girls because it just means you're like all the other guys out there. The girls in toxic relationships and attracted to negativity. I've seen those a plenty. They're just as many girls that have guys leeching off them as there are gold diggers using guys for free dinners.

    Basically you have to find a girl who is not like all the toxic ones out there. The law's not on the guy's side. So you have to find a girl that wants a real relationship and honestly, good luck with that sh*t.

  • Women don't want good men, they want men that they can extract resources from, be it hot sex, emotional napkin, drama, or material goods. If they can they will have a different guy for each of these wants.

    -16 in 100 marriages end up relatively happy.

    -50% end in divorce where the man ends up paying thousands a month to the woman for 20 -years and never see his kids again.

    -41% of marriages have an affair

    -1 in 5 men unknowingly raise children that are not theirs (paternity fraud)

    -1 in 5 marriages are sexless

    -Most common reason for initiating divorce (70%) is the woman is bored

    -you will have to sacrifice friends and hobbies

    Is it really worth this kind of risk?

  • they're waiting till they want a dad to give and take care of the kids

    Don't accept this.

    • Yeah no instant families to raise their little mistake.

  • It seems most are looking for a bad boy until they hit a point and grow up, Then they want a good guy settle down with. It is a sad situation , but if you go around acting like an ass you will have lots of interest. Hang in the the right one will come along, I did not find Mrs right until I was about 30.

  • Women are still looking for a good man, the question is, are you a good man?

    • Born and raised. I have a lot more qualities to me don't get me wrong but being a good man is what I am and who I am as well as what I'm good at. I tried to be the jerk before to get a girl and I failed miserably lol. I am not good at being a jerk or bad kind of guy. A tough guy yes, a bad ass when I have to be yes...just not a bad kind of guy that takes joy in being an a hole or treat women or other people bad for amusement and not care.

  • Yes, women are looking for a good man. The problem is they usually don't recognize one when they see him.

    Perfect example...

    • Good man? I think he was too in her face, borderline creepy in the way he approached her. The whole "I was looking at you and I thought you are really pretty.." line put too much emphasis on her appearance. "I wanted to get your number" sounds too demanding, almost as if he's entitled to it just because he thinks she's pretty. And then he made fun of her by saying "who do you go out to dinner with, yourself?" when she rejected him.

      All in all he was being very rude and too in her face.

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    • Rereading my initial post, I can see how it was misleading. My bad.

    • To chime in here...he does have a point as well as you do. The guy came off as a...douche asking for her number and a date right off the bat. That's a no no. Converse and hang out for a bit before going to that. BUT as soon as she saw his car she went from no to yes instantly. He came off as creepy but its all of a sudden no problem because he's got money? Superficial case and point at its finest example.

  • Women that end up with a bunch of kids and start losing their looks. Those woman start looking for good men to help them raise another man's children. Like Koldhearted said, don't accept this.

    Women are more shallow than you seem to believe they want a good looking guy, that has money, is great at sex, and isn't boring. As far as your personality goes women want strong men, over good men. Being good can be a plus, but it is pretty far down on the list if you are ugly, poor, bad at sex, boring, and let people walk all over you, being good won't do you any favors. Being good doesn't make a woman cream her panties.

    Men and women go for people that we are attracted to, and unfortunately being good isn't enough of a plus to override our other desires. Start trying to appeal to the more shallow aspects that women crave. Hoping that a woman will only care about how kind and thoughtful you are isn't going to get you anywhere. Humans, both men and women, are simply too shallow for that.

    • Being a good man doesn't mean he is weak of body or of mind. I am good at sex as well as being decent looking. But the other things are more of a not being given a chance to show that. Those kind of women I avoid.

    • I realize that being a good man doesn't mean that he is weak but that is often the case. A lot of men think being good should be enough. It isn't. Some of us need to be honest with ourselves and quit blaming the other gender, and instead consider the possibility that it is us that need to improve. I am sure there is something you are doing wrong. Maybe you are attracted to emotionally distant women or something. Not saying that is your problem, but you may have a problem you need to address.

    • Oh I know that being a good guy isn't enough. You have to have other qualities and do things in your life. Which I do. Its just this question was mainly directed the good guy vs the a hole thing.