Men / Women.. what do you think of a beautiful girl who is suicidal? Why are there such stigmas surrounding the fact that their physical appearance carries a "get out of jail free" card when it comes to their looks? ... Do you think there are people out there, who understand and are consciously aware the psychological repercussions for being a physical entity
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I wrote a reply to the question that you initially wrote, then got called away. anyway:
As always, these questions are tremendously difficult. And even if one wants to help you, it's not always possible within the context of a site like this. Obviously, you need time, sensitivity, and patience; someone just willing to listen to you. And of course, as you might be discovering, it's not possible to look to the outside for any lasting relief. People can be extremely nasty, they will be invariably so, it's not something that you can avoid. I find it is helpful to understand why they are though. If through meditation, you can see why you can be nasty to other people (and we all can be), then, one can be more forgiving when we are on the receiving end. That it is not due to some fundamental flaw within our selves that they have picked up on, but comes from the deepest insecurity, loneliness and fear. No one who is secure within themselves would say such things, for he respects others as he respects himself, understands that people simply want to be treated with dignity.
On a more practical level, it does sound like you are surrounded by vein, superficial, and narcissistic people. Although of course the wellspring of contentedness comes from within; you're only human, you need social contact, some relief, some sense that you fit in, somewhere. Can you get out of that industry, or at least take a break from it? Even the place you are living in, your social circle, may not be helpful. These people hardly seem... grounded. There's a lot to be said for living simply, without the craving for great deeds, status or attention, because by participating in it, you also enmesh yourself in the associated corruption and neuroticism. There's something infinitely more beautiful, mysterious, ineffable, in the simple things, in connecting with people, without any expectation.
Practice Tai chi?
Krishnamurti - Freedom from the Known
Osho - Love, Freedom and Aloneness (this book was surprising to me, even the most experienced spiritual writers don't teach of self love (which is not the same of egoistic love), why do we torment ourselves so, why aren't we more forgiving of our inadequacies?)
Dao de Jing, with a good translation, although this might be a bit obscure if you don't meditate)
Siddhartha, by Hesse.2