Why are men stigmatized for being unattractive to women?

Oftentimes feminists complain about so called " slut shaming . 'But there is the other side to this story - while women are criticized for their sexual exploits , men are being put down for lack of them, Women call them names like a " looser " or a " virgin " used as an insult. I think it's unfair because being unable to attract women in western democratic countries boils down to lacking in looks department. So if you fail with women due to low physical attractiveness it's not your fault and you should not be blamed for something that was ultimately beyond your control. What do you guys think ?

ps, I was inspired to ask this question by reading responses to a different question about American men seeking women abroad .And some women called them with contempt as " undesirables " .i think people need more empathy to understand that some people ( men) have been given raw deal with their shi...y genetics and they just try to make the best of bad situation . if you don't hold all the cards you are left with what they deal you .


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Most Helpful Guy

  • Oh wow. Someone here who might not hate me and my opinions. Did you come here from PUAhate too?

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    • Yes . PUAHATE made me aware of the importance of looks in all of the areas of life.

What Girls Said 9

  • All unattractive people are stigmatized by the opposite sex. Men call ugly women names, women call ugly men names. I don't really see women dissing guys for being virgins though. We might say that an ugly guy gets no pussy, but we won't make fun of a guy who is a virgin by choice.

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  • I think the stigma that men aren't attractive to women comes more from men themselves than women, because I don't know maybe they can't relate.

    It's also rare to hear a woman make fun of guy because he is still a virgin, while I've heard quite a few guys "joking" about it. I don't know if yo guys like that kind of tough love though?

    You shouldn't be blamed for the way you look. But everyone can find a match. It's not that you can't get any woman, but you know if you're no Tom Brady, you can't expect a Giselle Bundchen to fall for you

    About men going to other countries to find women, well that's a whole different topic. I think that a lot of people see it as taking advantage of people who aren't doing so well. I think it's wrong. I mean my best friend is from thailand and married to an American, but they're the same age bracket, both attractive and having jobs. Nothing wrong with that, but when it's 50 or 60 year old guys dating girls that are barley legal, come on...

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    • You once told me that if I approach strangers and asked them on dates about 30% of them would want to date me. I then approached around 600 and didn't get a single date. I think its fair to say you don't quite understand how women react to unattractive men.

    • No, not everyone can find a match. There are some people who simply won't and will die alone because their personality is very undesirable.

    • @sero77 OK, that's true not everyone will necessarily find someone, but what I meant to say that if they don't , it's not because their looks couldn't attract anyone

  • That is the question sociologists have been asking for a long time now. With this mentality, society is setting their youth up for failure and unneeded stress right from the get go.

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  • Are you saying ugly women AREN'T stigmatized?

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    • No , but " ugly " women as You say it ( I would say unattractive cause I don't want to be mean) can still attract mate .Try online dating with picture of the most unattractive young women you know and tell me I am lying

  • not true I think ugly men are sexy, they just don't look good in your pics and your love story or with your friends but it doesn't mean we are not sexually attracted to them, in fact we can like all kind of men as long as he is the right one for us, if you don't have sex maybe you need to be more patient, we don't like to be rushed

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    • LOL No woman thinks or finds ugly men sexy. If they did more ugly guys would be dating. So go troll some where else

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    • "We can like all kind of men as long as he is the right one for us."

      You're completely right. For those who contradict this : you're shallow and care too much about appearances.

      I put the only man I loved in the friend zoned right from the beginning exactly because I thought he was ugly and his body was not attractive at all. So I was completely myself with him, so was he and I fell in love like crazy without realizing it.

      Appearance doesn't dictate who you can or cannot date.

    • i'm not lying, ugly men can be sexy, but we care for what people would say, so we keep it for ourselves when we get attracted to one, but if he manage to become special for us then we don't even care to show him

  • I don't think a question like this is going to get a legitimate answer because of its bias and obvious sexism.

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    • If I strip down all the underlying sexism of this question, I think you're asking why girls are more pickier than guys. The answer is biological differences. Biologically speaking men can spread their seed around as much as they want, therefore they don't have to choose the most "attractive" (I.e. healthy or fertile) women because chances for survival lie in how many woman are impregnanted not how fit one is. Conversely one man fertilizes a woman and she wants the best possible genes for her

    • Offspring. You can say " well I don't even want children" but the most basic level of instinct still determines your feelings toward women.

  • There are so many things wrong with this.

    First of all, men are the ones who shame men for being virgins. Women aren't impressed by guys who talk about how they, "banged a bunch of chicks." Believe it or not, women aren't drawn to the idea of being just a number to a guy.

    Secondly, if you're really complaining about how men have to deal with being stigmatized based on their level of attractiveness, you need to sit the fuck down because women have to deal with that ten times more than you have to.

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    • except most women sleep witht he guy who has slept with tons of chicks because theirs some strange atttraction to them. Gene simmons is a great example you'll deny it now but before stating this if you had a chance youd gladly sleep with the guy and he's by far not pretty just a long tongue and a plausible future financial security

    • LOL you need to sit the fuck down because women have to deal with that ten times more than you have to. Do you live in a bubble or under a rock? I see more ugly fat women with dates then men.

  • I hear more guys virgin-shaming other guys than females doing it.

    I think the only thing most females don't like is guys getting angry at women because they won't sleep with him or expecting her to have sex with him out of pity.

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    • This ^^^

      I don't think I've ever heard more than a handful of women shame a man for being a virgin, but I've heard tons of guys do it both directly and indirectly.

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    • Our experiences are vastly different, then. I've personally only seen females (and males) overlook low status individuals of the opposite sex and that most pecking order style interactions go on between the same sex -- usually within the same peer group and not outside of it, especially after jr. high age.

    • That being said FEELING badly because of being overlooked or unselected in the mating game can be painful and it happens to both sexes.

  • All of the questions on GAG seem to be filled with stereotyping, and catagorizing people as part of a group. Like I answered to many questions on gaga, I will say this again. Not.Everyone.Is.The.Same.

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What Guys Said 4

  • Look, ignore things feminists say because they honestly never make any sense anyway. Feminists can complain about men being unattractive one day, then call all men rapists the next day, then tell us we're all walking dildos the next. They are feminists. They don't matter. Who the hell cares what a feminist has to say?

    But honestly, I would be far more likely to see a guy criticize another guy for not getting laid over a woman criticizing a guy for not getting laid. The only thing I can see a girl taking concern for a guy being a virgin is for his lack of ability to perform in bed.

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  • Everyone is stigmatized or shamed for something. Welcome to the world.

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    • Thank you for an insight . I would never figured it out on my own.

    • Right, and that was quite evident from your question.

  • Because a dating website shows that women rated 80% of guys as unattractive. Not even average but unattractive. So like the other 15% would he average, the other 4 % is above average and the last one percent is hot. And you can ask most women on here and many say they only find a couple percent of guys hot

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  • In our society it feels like looks are everything ( besides money) and I can speak from experience I'm 6'4 now but in High School I pretty much had all my weight 190 lbs but not my height lol and I got treated like a piece of shit, not even like a human being I'm talking no friends, people moving away if I sat down next to them in class people yelling / spitting at me in the hallway.

    Today I'm 6'4, athletic build peopel say I look good and women like me and people want to be with me but since I've been on the other side most of my life I know how fake and superficial it all is and this leads to me only having had one girlfriend. When I bring this up after being asked by girls their interest in me usually plumets. I figure it's like in econ, a high demand creates a higher price level and therefore a higher attractiveness.

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    • Yes with respect to the last point you have made . Women want to date men who are attractive to other women,So it's not only about attraction but also about status,

    • The status thing is true because at my HS prom when I was already looking better there was no way in hell any girl would be my date due to me low social status, one girl even declined naming this as a reason when I asked her out

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