What's the big deal if a woman doesn't like to wear heels?

I am an extremely simple woman.. I'm very casual in the way I dress.. My usual go to outfit for a date night would be a cardigan, nice and classy like denim, and then either my black boots or some cute flats.. Sometimes I'll wear heels and a sexy top that is covered by a black jacket... it's a nice jacket though.. it's really more of a blazer like.. Anyway, you get my point.. I dress nice, girly, cute like... I wear heels on special occasions.. like NYE, girls night out, any other holiday night out.. A wedding.. etc etc

So I am dating this man now.. it will be our fourth date. I've known him for about 3 years though. We just kept contact through text so he knows how I am for the most part.. So we have a date this Friday night and we were talking about our plans.. he said to me "but are you willing to wear heels?"

I'm sorry but I find that comment to be extremely annoying. One time another guy I went on a date with.. I arrived at his house to drive with him to the restaurant and when he saw me the first thing he said was "oh I thought you would get dressed up". I almost slapped him.. bc in my eyes.. I was dressed up lol. I just wasn't wearing heels.

Another guy I briefly dated.. we were talking through text and heels came up.. I told him that I wear them about 3 times a year and he said "omg, so you don't wear heels out for date night?".

What the hell is the problem? I dress how I want to dress.. I am not showing up to my dates in sweatpants.. The clothing I wear "out" is reserved just for that. In my day to day life, I work with children and so I'm a little more reserved. I feel like men put women up on some pedestal and we are to act or look a certain way.

Do other women have this problem too? Or how do men really feel about this?

Updates:
Am I thinking too much into this.. I just feel like its a common thing that keeps coming up

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Most Helpful Guy

  • DONT WEAR THOSE STUPID HEELS!
    I may speak for a small, yet VOCAL group of men when I say don't wear them, at least not frequently if you must.
    1. That sound is annoying. I don't want to hear some random woman clodding down a hall from 50 meters away.
    2. They are terrible for your health and many women have associated problems especially around their knees from wearing them all their life.
    3. The appearance is an illusion. I'm sure if you made me stamp around on my tip toes i'd look sexy too. (that won't catch on very fast. Men in heels. HA.)
    4. It's reminiscent of an old Chinese practice called foot-binding where instead of wearing a shoe to make your gait look sexy, they'd break your foot over a sustained period of your entire childhood to make the shape.
    5. They're your shoes, and you should wear them as you please. Don't let jack offs fool you into doing something you don't want to. The power of suggestion is a force to be reckoned with.

    But strictly factual, heels are really bad for you.

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What Guys Said 9

  • That's really odd, because most, if not all, of the men I know could care less, yet I usually see women expect it of each other.

    Of course, in architecture class, they had business fridays, where everyone had to dress formal. Girl got extra credit if they wore heels. (I imagine guys would, too?)

    But as an engineer, I just look at heels and think "Can you even GET less practical than that? The stress-strain curves on that heel must be crazy. And with a base like that, the buildin--err i mean SHOE creates a very top-heavy and unstable system."

    Not that I would say that aloud. It has the words "heavy" and "unstable" in it.

    But looking at them makes me think "Take those things off and put on some flats. My feet are hurting."

    On a more judgmental note, heels sometimes give me the impression of a girl who wants to rule me or shove me down. And not in the good way. Perhaps it's residue from an ex who was obsessed with heels and did exactly that.

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  • Every guy loves girls in high heels, but those guys were taking things a little too far I think. If they have a problem with you not wearing heels for a date or some night out then those guys are not for you. You are right about dressing the way you feel comfortable. If those guys don't like your style then you are not for them.

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  • I would not mind if she did not wear heels, unless we were going somewhere super fancy. Even then I would not put it bluntly like these guys did, something like "what shoes are you going to wear" or "heels would look good with that" to make it sound like more of a suggestion then whining. Also everyone has a different opinion of what is getting dress up fancy, so that might play a part too.

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  • its a preference. we all have them. I personally prefer a woman in heels and this may upset you, but I would be one to bring it up in conversation at some point after we have gotten to know each other a bit. Its not a deal breaker but I for one LOVE when a women is a frequent heel wearer. Again, a preference. :))

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    • A man that I'm serious about can totally get me to wear heels.. my thing is, I feel annoyed when a guy I hardly know says something like this to me. It makes it seem like he only wants me to look good for the date and he isn't thinking much about who I am.

    • that's fair. In some way or another, we all express our preferences to people we are interested in. some just do it too soon. :)

  • Not a big deal at all. Heels look uncomfortable. Where what makes you feel comfortable. As long as you don't look like a slob I don't see why any guy would care that you don't wear heels.

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  • Sweetone , you would be looking HOT in your black boots ;)

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  • Personally I love girls more in ballet flats and in a cute casual look, dressing sexy is fine in some occasions, but still prefer me some flats, for me they are both cute and sexy, they drive me crazy. But I would never force a girl to wear what she doesn't want to and the guys you describe sound like they have never been with a woman before in my opinion. =:3

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  • If you feel like physically assaulting someone because they criticized your clothes, then yes you are over-reacting.

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    • LMAO I see your point.

  • Some guys think women in heels is sexy. Others don't care. Personally I have never seen high heels attractive, but I know plenty of guys that go nuts over them. If a guy likes a woman in heels it is just the preference they have. Not much different than when a woman tries to get her man to dress a little more sexy for her.

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What Girls Said 5

  • how tall are you? does your height make you uncomfortable to wear heels? I'm 5'7" and for a while I was really uncomfortable wearing heels because most of my friends are around 5'4" but then I realized compared to the rest of the female population I am average and therefore shouldn't be ashamed or hesitant to wear heels! are you a tall girl?

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    • I'm 5'6... and I just don't care to wear heels because it changes everything.. I have to walk slower.. drink less.. look at the ground as I walk.. etc etc.. there is something amazing about walking freely and not worrying.. or hurting.. lol

  • I don't wear heels soley for the fact that I am 5'11 so I would be over 6 feet tall if I wore them. I prefer comfy stylish boots when I go out or if it is summer I wear flats or cute sandals

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  • I don't wear heels I like wearing ballet flats they are comfy and come in many styles

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  • I wear high heels sometimes. You certainly don't have to wear them if you don't like them.

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  • Sometimes guys think that when you where heels its sexy for some reason. And if a guy is really worried about your shoes then he's not that into you. Just dress how you feel comfortable and what you think is cute. I don't like to wear heels unless its a special occasion im just nervous about busting my ass lol

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    • That's my point exactly.. that he must not actually like ME.. he must only be interested in my appearance and how that makes him look while we are out

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