My boyfriend accuses me of being obsessed with being skinny but then says he wouldn't date me if I was heavier?

He brought it up when he suggested we go out for pizza list night and I didn't want to

He says I'm "obsessed" with being skinny as in that I can never not think about calories and ya it's true. I've never been one of those people that can eat whatever they want without getting fat. So counting calories (or at least being aware of them) has become second nature
Tbh I think a lot of girls are like that?

Also he was complaining that I'm a good cook hardly ever make "real food" but always diet versions. And ya in my house dishes like Mac n Cheese or cookies are always going to be the exception

So I asked if he would mind if I was 10 or 20 lbs heavier and well he wouldn't. So I don't know what to think? I feel like this whole conversation was all about him wanting me to be something else.
And you know, most guys like skinny, he for sure does and you can't have it both ways. You can't junk food all day and be super skinny


Most Helpful Girl

  • I'm sort of similar. I don't count calories but I am very aware and deliberate of the food I put in my body. I do it both to be healthy and to be on the thinner side. As I've gotten older I've realized all the extra additives in food that we don't need or are very harmful. I'm more about eating fresher foods and whole grains. I am more concerned with taking care of my body and nourishing it. It just makes me feel better physically. On a shallower note, I feel better about myself when I'm on the skinner side. I don't want to be rail thin but I like to keep my waist around 26".

    My husband thinks I'm nuts when it comes to some of the foods I eat. He tries to eat more healthy but he will never eat exactly how I do or what I do. He thinks that I take things to the extreme because I won't eat fast food, processed foods, white grains, or sugar. So we generally make our own food. He makes what he eats and I make what I eat. He also thinks I'm crazy when I make comments about thinking I'm getting pudgy in the stomach area or that my thighs are big. But I also know that he wouldn't think it was too attractive if I got above 135 lbs. (I'm 5'6" by the way)

    I guess what's important is finding a balance. Its perfectly fine to be aware of what you are putting in your body. But you don't want to take it to the extreme where you see food as a negative thing or as the enemy. Food is amazing. All the textures, aromas, and tastes. And it gives us energy and sustains life. Just don't take your counting calories to the point where it prohibits you from enjoying food. Because life is too short to not enjoy every part of it. As far as your boyfriend goes, just try explaining to him that its more of a long term healthy lifestyle. That you don't want to be one of those elderly people that is just incredibly massive and plagued with all sorts of healthy problems. Tell him its more about the big picture and your overall health.


What Guys Said 1

  • He sounds both shallow and erratic. Honestly, it's him that's obsessed with your weight... not you.
    Just go out for pizza, what's the problem? you don't have to eat pizza they have other stuff right? Sounds like he might be more annoyed at the fact he can't go out to eat with out effecting your strict dietary habits.
    If that's the case it fucking sucks. I dated a girl once that had gluten (and everything else) food allergies. Dinning out was a 24hour in advance process. She never wanted to choose where to go (which would have been easier) i had to decide.

    • well it was eastern and I already had a lot to eat that day, so I didn't want to add the extra calories. They do have other stuff, but everything is high in calories there, unless you take the salad without dressing

    • yeah see, he just needs to understand this is important to you. Trust me, it's best you start eating good now because you're metabolism leaves you exactly at 30 lol.

What Girls Said 3

  • "You can't eat junk food all day and be super skinny" actually, you can. Or, I can.
    I can honestly say I'm not aware of my calories or watching what I eat due to weight. I also find it annoying when others do this. Everything is fine in moderation. Pizza included haha.

    • It's still not healthy and that wasn't what this question was about

    • Show All
    • See, the thing is you didn't mention health. You mentioned weight, being skinny, and things being high in calories.

    • well that's because that's what he commented on

  • I two have had weight issues my whole life. However on another note. 1 big meal once in a while with a good workout. Will not hurt you or blow your weight out of control. As for him.. well to hell with what he wants or wants you to be or gain or not gain. It's your life girl. Do what makes you happy. Look the way you feel makes you happy about yourself. Don't look a way. Just because a man will or will not like you. Love don't know size.

    • I know and I do every once in a while, but most of the time he suggest we eat some kind of junk food I refuse because it's too high in calories

  • My ex husband had the same things to say. There is nothing wrong with being conscious of what you're eating, I mean, that is simply making mindful and healthful food choices!
    When I listened to my ex, guess what happened? I gained a ton of weight.
    Guys can eat entirely differently from girls. Their dietary needs couldn't be more different. They can eat more without worrying.
    It's different for women... Continue counting calories, be thin, be healthy, ITS YOUR BODY and don't let him mentally abuse you any more about this. It's not his body, it's your body, you're a female and it's not an obsession. Not everyone can just eat whatever and not think about it. If you could, you know you'd know it already. So just keep doing what you're doing.