My Ex- Girlfriend Has a New Boyfriend

So I met my ex-girl in college we dated for 3 years. Everything was perfect how we met when we met just how you wanna meet your soul mate. Then this past may we both went home for summer break from college and during that time she broke up with me saying she wanted to take a break. So I said ok I can handle that. Well the following semester we talked every day as if nothing ever happened but we still were apart technically. So towards the end of the semester she started talking to me less and less. Then about 2 weeks ago from today she told me she has a new boyfriend and she's really falling for him. I just don't understand how she could do this to me when everything was going great. I still believe deep down that she loves me and cares for me but its been almost 2 weeks since weve talked. Do you think there's any chance we will ever get back together or talk again? I feel like I've lost her for good

I forgot to mention she called my cell about a week ago a total of 12 times to tell me thank for helping her get through school and she owed it to me. She also sent a text saying she will always be here for me
Thanks for all the comments guys some of them are hard to hear but I see your point of view. I just want to know do you think well ever talk again she said that I was her first love and she will always remember that?
Another thing I forgot to add was why would she call to tell me thanks for getting her through college and she owed to me when in reality I'm not gonna be celebrating her graduation with her, her new boyfriend is. its like I did all the leg work for what?
So its been since thurs the 10th of Dec since we last talked. This is the longest we have gone without talking and I am just wondering if you guys think she is thinking about me at all sinec I have been keeping the no contact rule in effect
So she called me tonight 4 times then sent 2 text messages saying she really wanted to talk to me. I gave in and called her back and I could tell she still missed me in her voice then she said her love life was wonderful, but I kept it really short


Most Helpful Girl

  • What you experienced was a "gentle" breakup. Instead of telling you that she did not want to be with you anymore, she broke it gently by saying she wanted to take a break. Unfortunately, she left you hanging, while she took her time to meet someone new. She probably imagined that this whole time you have been talking since the breakup that you were over her too and realized you two were just friends. That is the only explanation that makes any sense since she felt so comfortable to tell you she had a new boyfriend that she was falling for.

    I think this is a good example about why breaking up with someone "gently" is not the way to go. No matter how or when you tell someone that you do not want to be with them, it hurts if that person does not feel the same way. I just feel that she knew she did not want to be with you from the get go, not that she wasn't sure and just wanted a break. I do not see her wanting to get back together with you. I think she enjoyed romance with you but she did not see you as being the one for her in the future. I am sorry to hear about your pain. Grieve this loss and do not stop the process by hoping that the two of you will get back together.


What Girls Said 18

  • Do what they say ladies should do and DONT contact her at all. Leave her wondering where yo are and what you are up to . It will leave her a little bit of mystery. It will make her wonder if YOU have a new girlfriend and why you areent gving her any attention. See what happens then.

  • . Mainly speculation, but I think she still has feelings for you. One, why would she tell you she was seeing someone else and falling really hard for him? If I'd broken up with my boyfriend this would be the last thing I'd want him to know that I found somene else to spare his feelings.Also, she's still calling you and making excuses to say hi, like "thanks for all your help, etc.",especially 12 times. I suggest you leave her be and don't call her at all. Let her call you. I truly believe she will eventually. Yes it may take months, but hold out.

    God bless you and the best of luck.

    • Well that could be a possiblity thanks for the optimistic point of view!

  • it's over because she found someone else. things went on the same as before because even though she knew she didn't want to be together, she still couldn't let you go and harbored feelings for you. it was hard for her to break up, three years is a long time, and you were both integrated so much into each others' lives, it was difficult to live with the idea of not having each other anymore.

    i think she does love you, and always will, but she is ready for new things and over the old relationship.

    she wasn't completely over it until she was able to meet someone new and finally experience new feelings for that new person. with that, she is able to close the chapter on your relationship.

    her texting you and calling you do mean she feels guilty for hurting you, because I am sure she never really meant to. people change and things change, and even when you want to, you can't go back. you can't control how you feel, even if it turns things sad.

    as to whether there's ever any chance, life is unpredictable. one day perhaps you will run full circle to each other again (and you can think of it that way for a while if it makes you feel better, I've done it before), but really, right now, it's over and you should begin moving on, though it will be hard.

    think of the end as a new beginning. I hate that expression, but this is the only way to describe it. I don't find it very comforting, but it's there and it is what it is.

    • I really don't see why I was given points down for this. I wasn't being mean, or sarcastic, or anything. I literally said what I believed was the situation. you wanted to know what she is probably feeling/if there was a chance of getting back together. I didn't give any sort of bad advice here either. I think you should move on, though I know it will be really hard. I wasn't being nice by saying I think she feels guilty, etc. I've been in a similar situation and I know what I'd feel if I were her

  • If you feel that strongly about her. I don't think that becuse she has someon one new "for the moment" that means that she does not still ove you. I had a proefessor once, he was a psych professor, he told me how he met his wife at the bookstore at college. they dated for 2 years and then she broke up with him and married someone else. he later did the same, they both became divorced at the same time and ran into each other several years later. After a few months of "dating" again, the finaly wed. And he said this is my bride, my soul mate. H etruly believed that she was the one even though they were not together, he still believed that. Follow your heart, it won't lie to you. Only your mind will lie, it will feed those fantasy like desires but your heart WILL remain true and pure,it will reflect how you feel.

  • lol sounds like this girl doesn't know WHAT she wants

  • in my opinion she is all over you.. maybe you are the cutie cutie type and she knows you got a soft corner for her. so she's playing it this way.. else tell you everything that's happening..? so not the normal case. and then she spoke to you like nothing before..? was it because she still loved you or was it because she needed a shoulder to rest her head on..?

    look, am not saying she was wrong, it would be wrong to say that. maybe the spark among you guys were wearing it on her part.. and being a girl, I know we want the magic all around us all the time..

    and if you want, be in contact. but if seeing her with a different guy breaks your heart, cut it out. you don't have to talk to her when you don't want to. if she misses you,. her guy will handle her, you don't need to worry about that at all.. move ahead a step at a time! :) good luck!

  • i just read the novel dear john and your situation sounds just as strong as the people in the book. it would be easier to move on, if you linger on the memories and what could have been it will hurt you even more. not that it is in my place to tell you what to do but if she continues to text and call and keep in touch and you feel like its too much for you than let her know. sometimes when you have shared a strong relationship with someone it is almost impossible to remain friends especially when there is another person in the picture. life isn't fair and the truth hurts but we will move on.

  • Well, she could've gotten bored being with the same person for that long. Also a girls taste changes at about that age...but it's always a bad idea to get back together once you break should just leave it as it is and make her regret what she has done.

  • Damn, I hope you move on, just like she did.

  • Good for her. I hope you can move on too.

    • Fu ck you bit ch, you don't understand his pain.

    • Sunspotmia: Why do you think so?

    • First off to themanhimself Fu ck me? You couldn't get me so STFU.

      To sumina--> If the girl was bad for this guy the faster he can heal and move on the better. Why should he waste his time being bitter and sad. Everyone is human and has feelings but it the other person has moved on you need to move on too. Not to compete with her but to do something better for you. That's my 2 cents.

  • i know how that feels, I think you you should just leave her alone! I was in the same situation and screwed everything up, and I am still not over my 1st love! but I learned to deal, you just need to get out there find someone new who can replace her and soon you will began to forget about her.

  • you probley should just forget bout her try and find someone new like she did. and if that doesn't work then delete her number for good and if she realy misses you and loves you shell look for you and try to get a hold of you and if you give in tell her you have a girlfriend 2 if she gets jealouse its avois that she still likes you!

  • I think that she probably still had feelings for you, but she met someone else who it made more sense to be with or something.

    She's probably not talking to you because she has this new boy or maybe he doesn't want her to talk to her ex.

    Maybe she was over it, maybe she wasn't. Idk.

  • Move on.

  • If everything was going great, and you were happy and couldn't see a problem then at least you know you guys just weren't meant to be.

    You don't have the guilt of f***ing up a beautiful relationship, and knowing you'll never have a chance to fix things.

    It most definitely is harder to deal with at first but in the long run you'll have no regrets.

  • I understand what you are going though my boyfriend just took a break with me a week ago and everything was going so great. You just have to give them their space an hope they will come back. I think she wants you more as a friend than a boyfriend maybe her feelings changed and if you can't handle that you should give yourself some space from her it will only hurt you more if you still talk to her and see her not saying you too can't be friends just that maybe you need time to work on yourself and stuff. Not talking to her for a while will help its helping me deal.

  • yeah, I agree. its over. I know its hard but you just have to find a way to get over her. don't mope around, sobbing over her. she's not worth it. what she should've done was tell you up front when you two went on this so called "break" that she was having second thoughts about the state of your relationship and that she wanted to break up. it seems to me that she just wanted you to be there just in case there was nothing else out there at the moment for her, sort of as backup, because she wasn't sure if she could be without at boyfriend at the moment (you guys were together for three years, that's a long time, and she got used to having someone always there for her and wasn't ready to give that up or was unsure how to).

    either way, just forget about her. she didn't have the decency to tell you straight up how things really were, and instead lead you to believe that there was something that could've been worked on.


What Guys Said 20

  • okay a lot of these answers are good, but not many that great. When she asked to take a break that meant that she was trying to see if she could live without you. When you kept in contact with her, that gave her the sign that meant that you were okay with not bing her boyfrind and could be just a friend if she so chose. Which she did choose. You gotta stop talking to her bro. It's jus like what I'm going through now. I keep trying to hang out with my girlfriend all the time, she's busy and gets lazy an doesn't hang out with me even if she really isn't doing anything at the time and could if she wanted. But that's the problem, you can't be there when she wants, you have to be there on your time. You are the man. Men are perceived in a certain way by women. They want the guy to make an effort without trying too hard and seeming desperate. So what you do is create some distance on purpose, that way they'll miss you and wonder why you're not trying so hard. They'll be like "woah, why isn't Johnny texting/calling me like he used to? I miss him." or "Is Jim not as into me as he used to be?" And they will wonder and wonder until they realise what theyve been doing wrong and most times they'll want to fix it so you'll go back to being their support system again, but you won't do that again will you. No you won't. You'll act like a boyfriend instead of just acting like a friend. Sure you are still her friend, but just not as available anymore. She has enough friends, she wants a boyfriend, someone who will say sweet things to her when she least expects it, someone who will fulfill her sexually, someone who makes her feel different than any other girl in the world. Take time on yourself right now. Show her that you don't want to be her friend, you want to be her boyfriend. I know no contact doesn't seem like it shows something, but it shows much more than you can say.

  • Everyone who said something about it being over hit the nail on the head. Don't waste any more time on this women because she's not thinking about you. As someone wise once said "If she can stand to leave me, then I can stand to let her leave." She LEFT you. So why would you bother worrying about someone like that?

    I know that it's hard to think about where you will go next because you're so used to being with her, but you have to pick yourself up and move on. Break those old habits and go hang out with the boys..

    You're still a young man.. Go out and meet some new women.

    Live your life.

  • @Your Update: Her call/texts are her feeling guilty about hurting you. Doesn't change the fact that it's over.

  • It's been over since you two went onto a "break" (I have never known a relationship to work out after a "break" was needed). Either she was trying to be "gentle" like one other user suggested or she liked still having you around until she met someone new. It's hard to say without knowing her, but I'd say it's definitely one of the two. In her mind it ended a long time ago and she was already well over the relationship when this new guy came along. Unfortunately for you, you still believed there was hope when there wasn't any. Sorry. Time to move on.

  • My answer here is redundant, as wanacot has already nailed this one.

    First the girls dumps you and then she rubs salt in the wound by using you as an emotional security blanket while she looks for a new man. If you doubt this, look at how quickly the communication between the two of you dried up when she fell for the new guy.

    You shouldn't be asking whether there is any chance of getting back with this girl. After the way she's treated you, you shouldn't want to have anything to do with her.

  • Screw her and her "thanks for helping me get through school and I owe it to you." Bull****! I hate that. You break up, and then thank the person for the time you spent together. What kind of crap is that? She knew from the begining of summer vacation, maybe even before that, that she was having second thoughts about the relationship. Deep down, she does not love you. Don't fool yourself. If she truly loved you deep down, she wouldn't be spending her precious time with some other guy. It's good that she's gone. If she couldn't tell you straight up that she wanted to break up, instead of saying, "let's take a break," then she isn't being a totally honest person with you. The reason why she said let's take a break instead of saying I don't want to be with you, and thanking you for your time together, is because she thought that you would be too hurt so she tried to pad the blow to your feelings. That is also why she continued to talk to you.

    Do whatever you have to do, but get over her. Her ship has already sailed to a new island. So should yours.

  • Best Movie to watch is "Forgetting Sarah Marshall" it really helps I promise it does rent it to night. remember its good to ask females but not on this they have a hard time understanding their own feelings at time I just went through this exaclty a year from today, the problem is you are making the boy friends job easy when you are there for her, all he has to do is lay the pipe after you take care of her feelings the best move is stay occupied 1)date 2)date 3)date its doing a few things building up your confidence, letting her know you are what everyone wants, she messed up. now the other dude has to carry a full relationship when he wasn't before and she probably is a little furstrated from you not answering her calls you guess who is getting all of that the new dude. He is so use to you cheering her up and making her mad he's been the good hero. to be honest we as men don't like change for the worst he now feels he is dating a new person she lost her biggest support system, furthermore trust me when I tell you she is making the new dude sound so much better cause he is stress free an dnot her usual type so just date if it don't work your already forgetting her but for me I got some new noches on my belt and she came crawling 2 months later. Keep me updated man wish you the best but remember she will normally come back with a notch or two under her belt it sucks man it really does its up to you if you still want her,

  • It is difficult to guess with this information. Why don't ask her why she broke up with you? She said she wanted a break, but then started seeing some one.

    May be she did not see the relationship like you see it.

    May be at this time she wanted a boyfriend who would help her get through college. Once that was over the relationship lost its meaning.

    May be she felt that you don't want her as a soul mate, but as some one from whom you can get sex in return for help with studies.

  • Grow a pair of balls and stop thinking about her. I understand where your coming from because I was in a relationship with a girl for 4 years, when we broke up I was heartbroken but I never let anybody know how I felt. I stopped being sad, kept myself busy and started seeing other people. There are millions of beautiful single girls, if one is not interested in you so what there are others too.

  • Your girlfriend still has feelings for you! but you did something wrong that made her loose attraction for you thus you got rid of you! Now your ex girlfriend has her new boy and has you got you giving her attention and feelings!

    1. You need to smile and say hi when you see her every time but do not tell her what's happening in your life you are busy man! dnt call or txt or email don't be a puppy dog! I have too much respect for you dude!

    2. You need to show your ex ur much beta than her new boyfriend how? Live them alone stop doing stuff for your ex that's her new boyfriend job? and if he won't do it his not so great after all is he now!

    3. You need to date other women to build up your confidence and have some fun plus your ex will see other women find you attractive.

    if all else fails.

    4. move on and I know you can because your ex found you attractive I'm sure another girl just as beautiful does! don't tell me she is the only thing that makes you happy in this world! If she was then I'm loosing the respect I had for you!

  • You must understand you are looking at this situation from a man point of view. I assure you there were signs that she was not feeling you but you tuned them out. The truth of the matter is you should ask her what did she not like about you or did you bore her etc... This way you can perfect or become aware of character flaws that you can correct when you meet the right lady for you... You must stop playing into her roller coaster of emotions, one minute she into you and the next she into the new love. The truth is, if you cannot be a priority in her life do not become the option. Stop allowing her to control the friendship and start meeting and entertaining new love interest (s). Women seem to react in your favor when they know you have options and they are not the only apple on your tree and they may lose the one they really wanted.You have a choice to sit and wait and be miserable or find other love interests and determine if and who is right for you.

  • Sure you can talk again...but I wouldn't count on ever getting together again. First loves never work out anyway. Her telling you that you were her first love is just another sign that she is letting you go softly.

  • Its over. It was over when she said she "wanted to take a break". Very very rare that anyone gets back together with somebody after one of these so called "breaks". It was her way of trying to let you down softly. The reverse would have her been just telling you that she is interested in somebody else and is dumping you now.

  • sounds over, you know what you need to see that might help is 500 days of summer

    i just watched it, good movie trust me

  • 500 days of summer. watch it till the end and I'm sure itll bring ur mood up

  • You broke up for a reason. Get over it.

  • Hey so what ended up happening you guys get back together? Or you move on. I'm in the same situation kinda

  • I stopped reading after the first two sentences. Stop being a stalker pussy. Cowboy the phuck up and talk to somebody new.

  • Dude I been through this before, is the worse thing that ever happened to me, we dated for 5 years. The pain will hardly ever go away unless you start dating many many girls. I was fu ck for 2 years feeling the pain, but then I decided to step up, hit the gym, make myself super lean and hot, dress super cool, have a super strong attitude where nothing can affect my mood and so with all that be able to date super honeys, it took me at least 15 lays to finally forget about her. It's a long way for you to go, and trust me she doesn't give a fu ck about you, specially when you are caring that much.

  • Because she's trying to soften the blow of her dumping you. She feels sorry.

    Here's a brief clip of a conversation me and a female friend had.

    Me: Why are you sticking around? Didn't you two break up? Leave him alone and stop calling him. You're only going to confuse the guy.

    Her: You don't understand. Break ups are hard and you just can't leave him out in the cold. We've been together for 4 years now. I just want to be around until it hurts less and he's over me.

    Me: That's stupid. How's he going to get over you, if you're still around.

    She felt bad for the guy and your ex probably had that same conversation with one of her friends. She felt bad for you. That's why she stayed buddy buddy with you, and said thank you for getting her through college.