Does he still care about me? what should I do?

OK I've officially decided sex makes everything so much more complicated haha. this guy and I had been talking for about three months and he was honestly the sweetest nicest guy who really treated me right. we acted like boyfriend/girlfriend and I was the only girl in his life he was "talking" to. In the beginning he liked me, but I just wanted to be friends. then it became the opposite but I knew he still had feelings for me and still cared about me. my dad died this past summer and he would go above and beyond to help me with my grief. When I told him I liked him (drunk text haha) he said he liked me too he just didn't wanna date anyone right now just got out of a relationship so I thought hmm maybe we could be friends with benefits and at that point he agreed. the next night he invited me to sleep over (we always slept over at each others houses) and I expected us to hookup. we got into bed both tipsy he started to make a move and then backed a way and said he couldn't do that to me, he cared to much about me respected me too much and felt like it wouldn't do good things for our relationship. I got p*ssed and asked him why he cared so much I didn't understand it and if he cared why didn't he want me to be his girlfriend blah blah blah. but the next day I texted him to tell him I still wanted to be friends like we were for such a long time and he said of course I know that...then I started to ignore him the next week and after 6 days texted him mid afternoon. he called me at 330 that morning and was like "I'm so sorry I didn't text you back I completely forgot and I was eating" and then we talked for an hour this was the first time we really talked since the incident. then Monday my friend was texting him and he invited us over. I ignored him while everyone was around (there were 10 people at his house) but once they left it was me my friend and him and he invited me to stay over again and I accepted. we ended up having sex, he initiated it..i said I didn't know I was afraid it would hurt our relationship like he said earlier but he promised it wouldn't. sex wasn't awkward like I thought it would be, he was very kind and nice the next day too. but after that started acting distant and I stayed distant too. he used to ALWAYS text me back now sometimes just doesn't. we haven't really been talking at all and I've gotten mad at him a few times for ignoring me. I thought he didn't care about me anymore until 2 nights ago. I was texting his friend and told him my car got stuck in the mud...i guess his friend was with him and he, not his friend, immediately called me asked me where I was and said he'd be there to pull it out right away and I said he didn't have to but he said he was gonna come help anyway. so hi and his friend help and we end up meeting at the gas station. he offers for us to all hangout. when we hangout we aren't really paying attention to each other. but, the few times we did talk it was him watching out for me. I asked to try smoking his friends cigarette

te (I've never tried one before and I just wanted to see what it felt like) and tom (the guy) jumped in and told his friend he better not give it to me he doesn't want to see me smoking, I shouldn't be smoking (even tho he smokes sometimes haha).
and then his friend was playing around hitting me and my friend and wen he started hitting me, toms face got so angry. I asked him if we could talk the next day he said yes and the next day texted me offering to talk. I didn't feel like it tho.
we kept texting tho and when I asked him what he was doing the next day he stopped texting back and I kinda freaked out and asked him why he sometimes doesn't respond anymore but he didn't respond haha. so I know ignoring him and making him jealous works
in getting his attention. my gut tells me we could work things out and at some point be what we were before but I just don't know what to do now. should I ignore him? or just try to make things normal or talk to him about it even tho I know he really does
nt want to sorry that was so long haha oh and do the things he's doing mean he still cares? it seems I an only get his attention when he knows I need his help?


Most Helpful Guy

  • umm goodness I don't want to sound mean but I have to honest.

    I think the ones who care about you when you need help are the ones that care the most. It is selfless, they aren't doing it because they think they are going to get lucky and that is a rare thing. He didn't want to take advantage of you in bed the first time, most guys wouldn't give it a second thought if you'd made yourself that available.

    He obviously cares about you, but he is probably feeling confused, he wasn't ready to have sex and you pressured him into it, by getting mad at him when he didn't the first time and then ignoring him afterwards. He's very obviously hurt and confused and is regretting what he did, he probably feels ashamed for giving in even though he wasn't ready.

    If you really care about him you won't play games with his heart, ignoring him is cruel, a girl did that to me for 9 months, it was the coldest most heartless thing anyone had ever done to me and it hurt me very deeply. You should either try to settle things or part ways with some sense of dignity, anything else is just cruel.


What Guys Said 4

  • Your right. Sex does make thing more complicated. If you go into sex with the understanding that their are no strings attached, then everything is usually cool. But you wanted more and he stated he wasn't ready for another relationship. So he is pretty confused with his feelings right and may not feel he has emotionally dealt with the last relationship and now and you expect more from him. If you ever want this relationship to get off the ground. You need to grow up. Back off and quit playing these stupid games. Jealousy is the most dangerous emotion to play with. It can truly back fire on you if your not careful. If a lady ever played that card on me. I would have purged her from my life so fast she may have thought that it was only a dream. Why don't you just call the guy and have dinner and talk it out. That usually works. Another thing. Texting is not a good way to build a relationship. Talk to him so that he can hear your voice and feel your words.

  • You pressured him into having sex with you... Now he feels uncomfortable around you. Invite him out with your friends, and don't avoid him, make him feel comfortable around you again. The longer you leave it the harder it will be to go back to being friends...

  • He's a nice guy. REALLY nice. He likes you as a friend and made it clear he didn't want anything else but since you were such a good friend and it upset you that he didn't want to have sex he did it any way.

    You should not try to get his attention. Go on with your life. It's ok to text him and treat him as a friend. If he doesn't return texts or acts weird understand that he's going through something.


What Girls Said 4

  • what do you want with this guy? friends or more than friends? talk to him. get back as soon as you can and hang out where there are people so you guys don't wind up doing it again. he probably feels awkward.

  • i have a friend that is the same way w me... me and him are really close and he's always there for me when I need his help... he has liked me since we meet but I didn't... and when I did I told him but it just made things weird... so I told him it would ruin our friendship and decided to just stay friends... he agreed and got another girlfriend and for a while things were fine... but the minute I got a boyfriend he would get majorly jealous and just ignore me... but when I needed his help he was there for me... so I no he still cares...

    the way ur friend is acting means he still cares but he just doesn't no what to do about it... sex always makes things awkward but you both need to talk it out and make sure you tell him how ur feeling... even if he doesn't wanna talk make him at least listen... just tell him straight out... if you care about me the way I no you do thne please at least listen to me... you don't have to say ne thing just listen to me...

    but that's all you can do... hope it helps

  • Love the one that cares the most.

  • to me he seems more like a protective older brother... he cares... maybe too much... sex was a mistake