how much of it do guys really like and what's the best way to play it?
Most Helpful Opinion
Here is how "the chase" works:
Two people meet. They start to shoot signals at each other that they are interested in each other. They also await for signals from the other person to confirm that the interest is mutual. As this exchange progresses, the signals transition from subtle, to obvious. Eye contact turns into conversation. Conversation turns into actions. Actions turn into touching. Touching turns into making out. Making out turns into sex. Sex turns into intimacy. Intimacy turns into connection. Connection turns into deep closeness.
(but the key point, is that it's a bi-directional process "guy --> girl AND girl --> guy". it's NOT a uni-directional process "guy --> girl" OR "girl --> guy")
Here is how "the chase" works:
A person (guy or girl) wants a relationship. A relationship is motivated by BOTH parties, having some benefit from being together. If the benefit they GET from the relationship, exceeds the benefit they GIVE (cost), then that person is motivated to stay in that relationship.
The chase is nothing more than communication of information. It's not just in relationships between two people that are romantically or sexually interested in each other. It goes on in business, negotiation tables & board rooms all around the world!
BOTH parties want information. And if they're not getting that information, or if they're not satisfied with that information; they walk!
But isolating the discussion to JUST romantic & sexual interest;
When Person A expresses interest or invests in the other person, Person A makes themselves vulnerable & stands to lose. Lose what? Sometimes money. Sometimes ego. Sometimes simply emotional well-being. But what about Person B? The person receiving these signs of interest & investments stands to gain; exactly what the other stands to lose. It's a complete balance.
Think of a scale. When a guy is initiating, approaching, paying for dates, etc. He's making himself vulnerable, investing, and putting himself "at risk" (of losing). Very quickly, if there's nothing on the girl's end to balance that scale; the guy will leave. That's just common sense & self-preservation.
Even if the guy is madly in love with you, and knows that you're the one; if the scale is imbalanced, he's going to rethink how he feels about that girl, his emotions & interest in her will fade (or reset) to zero, (since the interest isn't mutual), and he'll leave.
"the chase" really tells both people, how insecure, emotionally needy, and selfish the other person is; and therefore, will likely continue to be in a relationship.
A person (guy or girl) who often expects significant investment from the other person, before feeling safe enough to show interest or invest themselves; will often end up weeding out emotionally normal people, which means the only people left will be people who don't intend to stay in the long run; aka. players (both male & female players)
What Guys Said 15
I hate it, it is boring and immature
chasing is for little kids playing tag. not for mature adults trying to find a potential partner.
The chase for me is fun for only a brief period of time. Then it gets old and If nothing has happened in the direction I'd like it to, I'll either make the move to have it happen, or just give up completely.
Chasing girls around isn't high on my list of "Things I wanna do..." It can be a big waste of time if the chase lasts too long...
Hey, here's the chase -> Cut to it.
Some men who like to play the field do this cat and mouse crap.
But respectable guys and women don't play around and waste time they don't get back.
Many things have to be interpreted via a persons own personal interests influences and past experiences. So when you find that the guy or girl doesn't talk to you anymore after one particular day, the reason is they thought back on the past and decided they didn't need you in their future.
Playfully or not. You've got to set rules for such things.
For me personally I hate "the chase". I think it's pointless, tedious, boring, and potentially emotionally hurtful.
If you like the guy (or vice versa), tell him and start your relationship up. Otherwise move on.
You shouldnt play too hard to get as that can be deemed as mind games and most guys will tell you they hate mind games! If you like a guy, he likes you, talk to him! If he asks you out say YES! If he texts you text him back! If he calls you answer the phone! Keep it simple! Playing "chase" will only drive guys away and you will only end up attracting the wrong sort of guy.
I agree with everybody else, I don't waste my time and effort chasing some insecure little girl who likes the attention, if that happens I'll excuse myself and move on to the next cute girl I see.
I think that hard to get is good, But not too hard to get if you play too hard he'll run off.
If it's hard to get we love it even more when we finally get it.
Argh I hate it I finally tell a girl I like her and she just plays with me.
is that not enogh these days?
Not a fan of the chase. At all. It's okay for a little bit, but after that it just gets old.
Chase? Who has time for that? Courting and dating are one thing which involves getting to know someone. Making someone feel wanted is one thing, if done in a mature relationship or casual dating it can be fine and healthy.
Chasing? Nope, never played that game, didn't have time for it then and I wouldn't play it now. I usually dropped women who played games like a stone in water.
Just my $0.02
no guys like it.
the best way is to not play it.
I like it only if the girl gives obvious proof she's interested, but I'm not going to follow a girl around when I could misread the signals. If I don't get the I want you come get me signal, Friend Zone!
If you want me to chase you I think you'll find yourself running from nobody.
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