Why can't I attract women?

31 years of age. I know I will never get a women they want me to treat them badly and I don't. Being nice is a bad thing


Most Helpful Guy

  • Being nice is NOT a bad thing.

    Being TOO nice is a bad thing. Not being challenging, constantly giving attention/compliments/favors etc. Not being fun, joking or playing around, having confidence in yourself. That's what women don't want.

    And so is believing you will never get a girl.

    Women DO NOT want to be treated badly unless they're the kind with daddy issues, then it's a subconscious thing, but they still don't consciously want it. They want a guy who is not boring, confident enough to stand up for himself and his beliefs, knows how to have a conversation, make them feel emotions, and is nice.

    I used to be TOO NICE. Syre I was fun, and could make a girl laugh, but I'd never challange her, tease her, or stick up for myself. That got me nowhere. I'd get a "girlfriend" but then she'd get bored. Women don't want stereotypical nice guys, OR a**holes, they want a well rounded guy, an alpha male, with the qualities from both extremes, I learned a lot from this: link


What Girls Said 8

  • I honestly don't know why guys think girls want them to treat them badly. It's something I hear on a daily basis on this site and I still think it's one of the stupidest ideas in existence. Just because a girl is with a guy who treats her badly doesn't mean she likes it. He probably started off nice and then deteriorated over time. If you want to get a girl, don't act like the a**hole she's already with or just dumped. And don't blame niceness for everything because it's not your niceness that's driving women away, it's probably some other quality.

    • the old adage "Nice guys finish last" rings so so true though. I'm not gonna' generalise girls by saying that they are all a certain way. But many of them, it seems, go for the idiots and the slightly dangerous, risky guys when there are great nice guys full of good intentions who are desperate to be with them. For some stupid reason, nice guys, usually, do finish last.

    • Well yeah, but there are other qualities that come into play as well. Like levels of attractiveness and success. Those might not be good things to go on either, but a guy who is average looking with an average job isn't going to get an extraordinarily beautiful girl over a handsome guy with a great job no matter how nice he is. And guys who are average looking always think they can get girls who are stunningly beautiful just because they're nice. It goes both ways.

  • There are women who think that way, but many woman who want a nice guy. Attention is everything. If you talk with her, listen, and respond in ways that shows you were listening that will go far. If she doesn't respond then she's not the one for you.

  • Its not your fault and not all girls prefer bad boys there are plenty of women out there, who do like nice guys.

    • Not in my experience and I am 31. Who do you prefer badboys or nice guys?

    • i had my share of both but I prefer nice guys now

  • I just hate when guys says this, that girls/women hate nice guys. Most of the time there's another reason why girls don't want to go out or keep talking to some guys, but they won't tell why of course because women are sneaky, and then guys just blame it on us, that we don't want "nice guys"? Lol just because you're being nice to us, doesn't mean that's why we're dissing you.

  • girls don't like guys that treat them badly. we like nice guys, I love them actually I just don't like nice guys who have no/little self-confidence

    • i concur with this answer...i don't get how so many people of my gender can't grasp this truth :-X

  • Try online dating

    • Thanks for advice. Been on online dating site for about 5 years.Got nowehere despite a positive attitude

  • oh ,right I'm sure "nice" is the only reason you're single.

    it couldn't be that maybe you're ugly, balding, over weight, out of shape, boring, have no personality, no confidence and/or never approach girls in the first place and refuse to face or change any of these things.

    ...of course not, it's being NICE that holds you back.

  • You're an idiot if you're reasoning like that. The key to women is confidence- women, no matter how confident they might seem they are (or actually are) will always have some part in which they doubt themselves a lot. Make them feel like you can keep them going during those times of self-doubt and you're golden. Also listening, remembering, paying attention, being fun and spontaneous, encouraging, having a sense of humor, not being clingy, and being NICE is what makes women want you.

    The notion that girls just want people that treat them badly is bullsh*t. Girls want nice guys- we just end up getting stuck with a guy who is a douche bag because at one time, they treated them extremely nice.

    Me for example: I always end up with the douche and it SUCKS. The last guy I was with chased me for so long until I gave him a chance- he was such a good guy and was always around when I needed him and would do anything and everything for me. My friends warned me about him because he has some negative history with other girls but I ignored it because he was being incredible. After I gave him a chance, it was good for a while but then he did a 360 on me and became an a**hole towards me and told me he didn't want to listen to my sh*t and that I needed to keep my emotions in check. Like wtf.

    I WISH for a nice guy who would just STAY nice forever. I'm so sick of feeling like I'm being lied to.

    So STAY nice. And be confident and if you see a girl who like or are attracted to, GO AFTER HER. Talk to her. Find things you have in common and ask her out on a freakin date. Don't overwhelm her and be overly "I love you!" "Lets spend ALL DAY EVERY DAY TOGETHER" that's terrible. Get to know her emotional before physical and take it slow.

    • it's hard when you have no experience and are introverted.

    • I know. I was like that too once. But I realized that the only way I was going to get anywhere/ start dating was if I started acting like I did have the confidence (even though I still really don't and I am still that shy, nervous little girl). Fake it until you make it really is accurate. Don't be a fake person, and definitely don't lie about yourself, but fake that you hold the confidence. Experience wise- be honest. Just don't put yourself down because of it- say "I wasn't ready" or somethin

What Guys Said 7

  • You just have to treat them nice, aggressively. They won't mind. And wink at them once in a while, pinch their behinds once in a while, just so you have their attention!

    • Only do as he says if you want to be arrested for harassment. Pinching butts is a form of groping and is illegal without their consent.

    • Oh, come on, if they are flirting, they consent. And you an tell if they like you or not, since if they get angry, well, they never liked you anyway. Ignore kantspelltedude and go for it!

  • that's early 20s girls. By mid to late 20s when the time for fun is over and its time to start thinking about a serious relationship women usually tend to like nice guys. You must be looking in the wrong place and at the wrong girls

    • Women I like is 32.They all want idiots not nice real men.End of conversation.Don't rate women they are weak

    • BS or troll.

      32 year olds want nice guys to settle down with.

    • All women choose arrogant men over real men who are genuine

  • i was wondering why you could be 31 and not attract women.

    then I read that you see women as people who love jerks and only dislike you because you are nice.

    i find it easier to believe that you are deluded than your justification to be true.

    • All women are weak and I feel refreshed today knowing I am better off without.Just need to find some other way to become a Dad such as adoption

  • Try dating Asian women! They tend to respect men more and see people as individuals. American Women for the most part are selfish brats now that treat men like garbage when they can so don't get to wound up in crazy women. American Womens minds are to full of Disneyland fantasies and BS tales about men that don't exist. American culture has screwed up dating in this country because you're told to be vain and selfish threw advertising and to expect someone that is flawless. Were human and we make mistakes. Relax get out there and take interest in something your good at.

    • What a fantastic answer. I love how tactless you are, or how House you are. I also love how it has 4 thumbs up and no thumbs down. One of the thumbs up is mine for the record.

  • Be outgoing and confident. Listening is key.

  • IF you're trying to just "attract" them, as in they come to you, then you're going about it all wrong.

    If you're approaching them, and getting nowhere, then its either your looks or you're boring them silly.