Are shy guys really "hard to get"?

so there's this guy (named R) in a club I'm in at my college. he's a sports journalist and seems like a nice, well spoken guy, just seems to be a bit quiet. we introduced ourselves at the club meeting and talked some on fb about majors and why we want to write, but hadn't really seen him since I stopped going to the meetings because of work. well I ran into him right before Thanksgiving at a school function and he immediately recognized me and I said hello back. I told my roommate I thought are was cute, and behind my back, my roommate went up to are and asked if he thought I was cute, are said yes, if he was interested, are said yes, and if he had a girlfriend, and are said no. my roommate gave him my phone number and asked are if he was actually going to give me a call or a text, and are said yes, he'd definitely text me. I didn't hear from him until Thanksgiving when I got a random text from a number I didn't know and it was are telling me happy thanskgiving and introducing himself. I said thanks and wished him well too, but haven't really talked since. I'm kinda shy too, but I kind of would like to get to know him... but I feel like not enough is there to try anything. what should I do?


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Most Helpful Guy

  • He probably feels the same way you do. The only way to deal with a shy person is to take the initiative, because the shy person won't; that's the definition of being shy.

    When you've got TWO shy people, like him and you, then you have an even bigger problem, because there's no one who is naturally going to take the initiative. Very often, two shy people who like each other never get together, because neither one will make enough of a *sustained* effort to get past that initial awkward stage where neither believes that someone else actually likes them.

    Your roommate was playing wingman and got the ice broken for the both of you, but you both failed to keep things rolling. If you want this to have any chance of working, YOU are going to have to start initiating, and soothing HIS fears, so that he believes that you are actually interested in him. Once he is convinced, he will probably take over from there, as he gets more comfortable with you, but you've GOT to get some momentum going, and he's clearly too shy to do that himself, even though it sounds like he wants it as much as you do.

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What Guys Said 32

  • pursue him...being a shy guy myself it is an incredibly daunting task pursuing a girl (not that you should feel undue pressure) but I absolutely loved it when a girl had the cajones to reach out to me. They already scored points in my book

    That being said you shouldn't do anything you are too uncomfortable doing and it can't be a one way street. sometimes writing/creative guys (myself being both) get wrapped up in our thoughts and it almost paralysizes us to act. But if you can get him out of his shell you'll probably find that behind the shyness is a normal outgoing guy...if you can crack his shy exterior.

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  • I was pretty shy before the two Filipina sisters came on to me. After that experience, I was no longer shy ever.

    And once I got the idea (they had to explain it to me carefully, I was so surprised), I wasn't shy about fulfilling their request.

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  • No. Shy guys are easy to get if you make the move on them.

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  • "I didn't hear from him until Thanksgiving when I got a random text from a number I didn't know and it was are telling me happy thanskgiving and introducing himself. I said thanks and wished him well too, but haven't really talked since. I'm kinda shy too, but I kind of would like to get to know him... but I feel like not enough is there to try anything. what should I do?"

    WHAT?! He contacted you to try and reach out to you but you never got back to him!

    YOU are the one who is hard to get, not him! The ball is in your court now!

    You already know he likes you and is single. There is no reason for you to not ask him to see a movie or get food with you or go bowling with some mutual friends.

    In all honesty, HE PROBABLY THINKS YOU LOST INTEREST IN HIM. I certainly would feel that way if I reached out to a girl and she seemed like she never wanted to talk with me again.

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    • WHAT ARE YOU STILL WAITING FOR?! Get on that phone and ask him to go see a movie or something!

      The hard part is over! You both know you like each other, right?! If I knew a girl who had interest in me suddenly stopped talking with me I would be in agony over it. I would think she suddenly found a boyfriend and didn't care about me anymore!

  • "I feel like not enough is there to try anything"

    Welcome to our world... :D

    I'll bet he didn't want to text you until he had an "acceptable" reason, and wishing you a good holiday counts for that.

    if you like him, don't be scared to go out on a limb. He may not make the first move unless he feels safe that you'll reciprocate. That kind of stinks but it stinks more if *both* of you are afraid to move things forward.

    You can at least text him back, not just "how are you" but something flirty and entertaining, and see how it goes. I bet the more comfortable he gets around you the more willing he'll be to take (what will feel to him as a shy person to be) a risk.

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