Are shy guys really "hard to get"?

so there's this guy (named R) in a club I'm in at my college. he's a sports journalist and seems like a nice, well spoken guy, just seems to be a bit quiet. we introduced ourselves at the club meeting and talked some on fb about majors and why we want to write, but hadn't really seen him since I stopped going to the meetings because of work. well I ran into him right before Thanksgiving at a school function and he immediately recognized me and I said hello back. I told my roommate I thought are was cute, and behind my back, my roommate went up to are and asked if he thought I was cute, are said yes, if he was interested, are said yes, and if he had a girlfriend, and are said no. my roommate gave him my phone number and asked are if he was actually going to give me a call or a text, and are said yes, he'd definitely text me. I didn't hear from him until Thanksgiving when I got a random text from a number I didn't know and it was are telling me happy thanskgiving and introducing himself. I said thanks and wished him well too, but haven't really talked since. I'm kinda shy too, but I kind of would like to get to know him... but I feel like not enough is there to try anything. what should I do?


Most Helpful Guy

  • He probably feels the same way you do. The only way to deal with a shy person is to take the initiative, because the shy person won't; that's the definition of being shy.

    When you've got TWO shy people, like him and you, then you have an even bigger problem, because there's no one who is naturally going to take the initiative. Very often, two shy people who like each other never get together, because neither one will make enough of a *sustained* effort to get past that initial awkward stage where neither believes that someone else actually likes them.

    Your roommate was playing wingman and got the ice broken for the both of you, but you both failed to keep things rolling. If you want this to have any chance of working, YOU are going to have to start initiating, and soothing HIS fears, so that he believes that you are actually interested in him. Once he is convinced, he will probably take over from there, as he gets more comfortable with you, but you've GOT to get some momentum going, and he's clearly too shy to do that himself, even though it sounds like he wants it as much as you do.


What Guys Said 32

  • pursue him...being a shy guy myself it is an incredibly daunting task pursuing a girl (not that you should feel undue pressure) but I absolutely loved it when a girl had the cajones to reach out to me. They already scored points in my book

    That being said you shouldn't do anything you are too uncomfortable doing and it can't be a one way street. sometimes writing/creative guys (myself being both) get wrapped up in our thoughts and it almost paralysizes us to act. But if you can get him out of his shell you'll probably find that behind the shyness is a normal outgoing guy...if you can crack his shy exterior.

  • I was pretty shy before the two Filipina sisters came on to me. After that experience, I was no longer shy ever.

    And once I got the idea (they had to explain it to me carefully, I was so surprised), I wasn't shy about fulfilling their request.

  • No. Shy guys are easy to get if you make the move on them.

  • "I didn't hear from him until Thanksgiving when I got a random text from a number I didn't know and it was are telling me happy thanskgiving and introducing himself. I said thanks and wished him well too, but haven't really talked since. I'm kinda shy too, but I kind of would like to get to know him... but I feel like not enough is there to try anything. what should I do?"

    WHAT?! He contacted you to try and reach out to you but you never got back to him!

    YOU are the one who is hard to get, not him! The ball is in your court now!

    You already know he likes you and is single. There is no reason for you to not ask him to see a movie or get food with you or go bowling with some mutual friends.

    In all honesty, HE PROBABLY THINKS YOU LOST INTEREST IN HIM. I certainly would feel that way if I reached out to a girl and she seemed like she never wanted to talk with me again.

    • WHAT ARE YOU STILL WAITING FOR?! Get on that phone and ask him to go see a movie or something!

      The hard part is over! You both know you like each other, right?! If I knew a girl who had interest in me suddenly stopped talking with me I would be in agony over it. I would think she suddenly found a boyfriend and didn't care about me anymore!

  • "I feel like not enough is there to try anything"

    Welcome to our world... :D

    I'll bet he didn't want to text you until he had an "acceptable" reason, and wishing you a good holiday counts for that.

    if you like him, don't be scared to go out on a limb. He may not make the first move unless he feels safe that you'll reciprocate. That kind of stinks but it stinks more if *both* of you are afraid to move things forward.

    You can at least text him back, not just "how are you" but something flirty and entertaining, and see how it goes. I bet the more comfortable he gets around you the more willing he'll be to take (what will feel to him as a shy person to be) a risk.

  • Shy guys are desperate to be 'got'... well okay that's generalisation but I'd say this is true for most shy guys.

    After reading your whole question, I say that by now you should text him, or even better call him. Ask him to meet you at a cafe or if he wants to watch a movie with you//basically ask him out.

  • Go for it. I'm a shy guy but not that bad. I'm usually a little shy until I get to know someone. So, get to know him and be patient. Believe me you as a female have more leverage in most situations. Girls are pickier about guys than guys are about girls. Which means women reject men more often than men reject women. A lot of women take shyness from guys as disinterest and throw in the towel on something they don't think is going anywhere, when the exact opposite is true. Its stupid to reject an otherwise good person based on that. Yeah the shyer guys should come out and tell the girl how they feel. But, consider it a flaw and everybody has at least a few. A shy guy can also mean he probably has better intentions and is more caring than some of the more outgoing guys. And many shy guys like I said will open up and become outgoing like most girls want a guy to be, some just need a little nudge in the beginning.

    • LOL well when a shy guy ignores you and makes you feel like you don't exist After giving you ALL thr signals that he was into you..then ya...when they make you feel like crap or that they aren't into you--then duh...most women will move on. We aren't mind readers and shouldn't have to be.

    • But men aren't mind readers either. The best thing a shy guy can do is hang around women more. Not just for romance, but as friends too. It lessens the distance men and women feel about each other. A lot of times a shy guy will be shy when he thinks a girl is not into him so it works both ways too. There's been several times I made a girl think I wasn't into her because I didint know if she was into me. Sometimes its better to just drop the hint game and just talk about it.

  • Text him and ask him if he would like a drink. I'm sure he would say yes. If he says he's unsure, offer to buy him a drink and be all like "commmeeee ooooon." I'm sure he'd say yes.

  • In college I always thought it was weird to have a third party try to set my up with anyone. It's just an extra person involved in my business. The roommate may have weirded him out.

  • Text him and set up a date.

  • Shy guys are desperate to love someone too!

    It just takes more work to build the trust and relationship. He waited until he had a good excuse to text you. We as a breed don't text or phone unless we have a purpose for doing so . If you don't have a good reason it's nearly impossible to do.

    I bet he wants to talk to you so help him out and initiate and sustain some conversation. It will be slow and somewhat painstaking at first but will get easier as be starts to open up to you. Try and be much more overt in letting him know you are interested. Depending on how shy he is (he sounds quite bad!) it might take anything up to a confession of your undying love for him to convince him to ask you out - so if you think you need to, take the lead - he will be greatful!

  • I'm pretty shy and I wouldn't say I am hard to get since I love being flirty but I wouldn't just jump into a relationship especially if I was not sure if the girl was into me. He either isn't that into you or he isn't taking the word of another person that you are into him any. To make things happen you need to do things yourself instead of getting others involved.

  • He said he liked you and you said you like him. How are you two not in the same bed yet?! Well...first you could start talking to him without your roommates help. You should ask him out or this will just be another "I like you, you like him and do nothing about it" story. something about it. The answer is clear.

  • in relationships its 100/100, it seem like this guys has fear. everyone always fears if they'll be accepted by ppl, because as we can see finding love in life is not always an easy things even if most people want to be loved, we all have blocks because of past hurt so we devlop fear. he just fearful and trying to take thing at a rate he can handle. show him some love try puting yourself out thier and out to some place , basically it wil help him open up

    • i like your answer, but was wondering how she could show him some love and put herself out there. why does it have to be her? just curious, this is a great question she asked.

    • ask him if he'd like ot hang out

  • shy guys tend to act as if they are special in fact they are like all guys but spineless cause of the lack of confidence which makes them shy in the first place

  • Is his name 'R' or 'Are'?

    Lol jk, but no, most shy guys would prefer that you initiate it and make a move first lol

  • He might be incredibly nervous and he gets scared when he comes into contact with you. That's my two cents...

    Usually the shy guys don't play "hard to get". They usually get nervous... nervous to the point where they're afraid to talk to you out of fear they will do something stupid and embarrass themselves.

    I'm a really shy guy and it's hard for me to talk to girls I like sometimes.

  • If you make the approach, shy people are the easiest.

  • nope, just hard to reach (only read the title)

  • Never hurts to try...cannot categorize shy guys...some are easily reachable...and some are not...):

  • I am shy but I wouldn't say I'm hard to get (I'm not easy either lol). I think for me it's more a case of becoming comfortable with a girl and becoming less awkward around her and coming out of my shell and trusting her. That could take a while.

  • what exactly do you mean by hard top get. if by hard to get you mean will they approach you probably not speaking as a shy guy you will have to make the first move. I know you are not used to this but it is the only way

    • how do we know your shy or you just don't like to be the one chasing? its really hard to figure out.

    • Shy guys usually don't like to do any chasing. We've heard enough stories about how creepy chasers seem to make us realize that we do not want to be creepy.

      I used to be shy also, but awareness of my own aging has bestowed upon me a foolish courage. If I didn't lose my job recently I would be out and about at singles events and night clubs.

      I'm still sort of shy when it comes to complete stranger ladies, but I'm much bolder now with the friendly-acquaintance ladies!

    • how do I know I am shy? its simple approaching a girl in that way leads to stammering blushing dumbness feeling foolish that's how I know I am shy

  • well, they aren't "hard to get" so much as careful about who they let into their world.. and usually they are super sweet.

    truth is though, if he likes you but is shy then you should just go for the friendly /non awkward/ approach.. which would be just to hang out and do something casual, not like a pressured date where you will both feel wierd.. why don't you start texting and just make some simple convo to find out something you can do together? you both have common interests if you start asking you'll find out what they are.

  • Not hard to get at all if the girl puts in the effort.

  • If you like the guy, then text him, that's the biggest problem with women today is they're usually shy when it comes to initiating conversation with someone they're interested in. I'm an attractive guy and I don't normally approach women, if they're interested, they will initiate on me, and usually I'll play ball and see where it goes. Its a huge turn-on when a woman isn't shy about what she wants. Plus most of the time its harder for guys to initiate on woman because they've been conditioned to reject most idiots that try to hit on them.. But say something to get it going, It can be anything, joke about how you know him, or just be straight up with him and say hey I was going out to "this place" and was seeing if ya wanted to come with and hang out for a bit. Show him your interested in getting to know him..

  • Right now I am kind of soft and easy to get so maybe?

  • I'm a shy guy , I don't think so where hard to get , us as shy guys think that it's hard to get a girl , beacuse were scared to make the move first or approch a girl .

  • shy guys are hard to get because they don't have the confidence to make a move which is part of why they're shy.

  • "Are shy guys really "hard to get"?" No, they're just harder to make open up with.

  • With a shy guy you're going to have to be fairly obvious that you like him and make him feel comfortable for him to start opening up. You'll have to put your rule of guys always take the lead in the relationship to the side and just start talking to him and suggesting things to do if you want to get with this guy. Shy guys have good intentions and appreciate a good woman when they see one so just kind of nudge him along a little bit and be patient. You'll be happy you did in the end:)

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