How can I tell him I don't want to go to his house?

I'm 17 and I'm involved with an 18 year old guy I met a few months ago, and he's told me a lot that he loves me. A few weeks ago, he asked me if I wanted to come over to see him some time so we could spend a nice day together, I said yes and he planned it for this weekend. The thing is, I told my friends about it and they really didn't want me to go because he's had a violent past with gangs and stuff, and they think he could hurt me, even though he's said he's changed and found God. My sister's also said I shouldn't go, as she knows people who have gotten involved with guys that were associated with gangs, and they had guns pulled out on them. My friends have also made me promise I won't go to his house, and think that if I go then I'm choosing him over them.

So, yesterday on the phone, we were talking about the date, and he was like "You're still coming to my house right?". Because he lives quite far from me and because of what my friends and sister have said, I asked if we could meet in a town that we both know quite well, where it's easier for me to get around. He said that he had thought it may be easier for me to meet there, and was like 'whatever's easiest for you', and said he would ask his dad if he could stay in that town for the weekend with his grandma who lives there. When his dad said no because he thinks it may be dangerous for us both to walk around in that town, he again suggested me meeting him at his house first before we go out. He suggested that I type my address and his address in journey planner so I can find his house. He didn't offer to meet me on the way eg at a train station so we could go to his house together, but kind of expects me to make my way there.

I know it could be a bad idea to come to his house, as he's told me that he and people close to him in his area have been jumped or attacked by gang members or random hoodlums. And I'm just thinking that if he and his guy friends who can defend themselves can still get attacked even though he's 5'11, then what would happen if I walk around his area with him and he gets attacked, and I'm only like 5'1 and can't even defend myself? So how can I tell him I don't want to go to his house, without literally saying 'I don't want to go to your house' as that's kind of rude? Sorry it's so long! Thanks :)


Most Helpful Guy

  • I'd hope that if you're involved in him it is under the presumption that he truly has changed... that said I think, especially if he still lives in the gang environment, that you are only asking for unecessary trouble.

    Even if things go great, do you want to keep going into an environment where you may not feel comfortable? You should either tell him to come to your area/place or if you do go to his area only with lots of friends.

    It sounds like you like him so it's hard to say this but the situation just doesn't sound safe enough to take the risk.


What Guys Said 4

  • If you're not confident in your physical safety, say so, and stand your ground.

    I'd also be really reluctant to be with anyone with a gang/drug history because even if they got clean their friends and associates will be dangerous as hell.

  • Just be honest with him

  • Tell him directly. No need to beat around the bush.


What Girls Said 2

  • I'd be a little worried about getting involved with this guy period, much less go to his house. I'd just be straight forward and honest with him. Tell him that, considering it's your first date, you'd prefer to meet somewhere a little more neutral. Tell him you don't go to guy's houses so quickly and that it's your way of getting to know someone and taking it slow. If you two progress further, you'll consider going.

    Simply make it more of an early-on respect thing. Most first dates don't begin as people's houses (except maybe in college because we were all too broke lol). If he's not understanding, he's not the kind of guy you want to be hanging out with anyway. Pick the gentlemen.

  • Just tell him you don't feel comfortable going there alone or say your parents prefer if you meet him at a coffee shop or go to a movie or something like that (if you are sure you like this guy enough). Or even invite him to come to your house- if he likes you, HE should be coming to see you, or at least offer to walk you from the train or wherever.

    If you are sure you want to go there, he should at least pick you up. If it's an unsafe town/neighbourhood do not go there alone, especially since you don't even know the exact location of his house.