Is this a savior complex? Narcissism?

Hey this is a pretty general question...sort of...

Do you know those men who feel like they need to swoop in on women and "save them" it's like there goal is to make the woman think he is the greatest guy she ever met...they'll meet her, woo her, hurt her, leave her, then blame her.

They are the type to leave you and blame the whole breakup on you...tell you what a horrible girlfriend you were and all they wanted to do was love you...if you leave it alone they will constantly remind you how it was your fault and how you could have had something good but you ruined it.

All the while they were the one who ruined it and left...and instead of just going they need to feel like you think they are the one that got away. They don't feel good unless they think they've left you hurting...and will often reappear just to "check on you" thinking that by saying hello they have given you something to live for.

I don't know if this is a savior complex...just being a narcissist or a mixture of both but there must be a name for men like this.

They will leave regardless but they need to feel you think it was your fault..they don't want you but they just need you to think its your fault...they need to feel needed but if you actually need them they don't want you around..

Anyone know?

A guy who does not want to be with someone but wants them to be dependent on him


Most Helpful Guy

  • Hmm, pity the narcissist. According to psych101, these people do not even realize their own problems. Narcissists tend to blame their own faults on other people and think they are top stuff. Worzt mentioned relationships should be a matter between 2 people and no one deserves to feel completely at fault in a failed relationship. You can avoid them in the future by observing how they share responsibility with everyone else because narcissists often have consistent attitudes.

    Statistically, the majority of narcissists are males, thus the word douche bag.


What Guys Said 9

  • so you're talking about after the break up when he checks in on you is he trying to be a savior?

    I'd say no. They are really just immature and confused about their feelings that's why the blame you for the problems in the relationship when it's them. Then when the break up happens they are lonely, missing you, etc and reach out because they probably are just checking in, seeing if you've met someone else, or just enjoying the little bit of attention they get in your response.

  • first off girl, a relationship is between TWO, when one fails is almost always BOTH who should be blamed, there are VERY FEW exceptions but most times the folt is not his or hers, if they were mature they'll sit and acknowledge "is OUR fault", on the other hand, savior complex is indeed bad, but is also not so hard to understand, see, even if it has diminished in later years, it is still veri widespread the fact that MANY (and I shall still say more than half) women have "lady in distress" mentallity and/or are waiting for a Prince Charming, so you can blame guys for trying to be said Prince even if they fail miserably, on but furthermore, even if you, and a growingh portion of female gender don't want a Prince or Hero anymore, most of you still behaves like you indeed wanted that, how, you ask? by being the "lady", the one that will always wait for the guy to make a move, the one who won't talk her mind and let the guy read you, becuase it's HIS responsability doesn't it? the one who have a man buying her gifts and always paying in dates, because that's their role, so basically, you are Rapunzel, only most of you don't throw your hair down and let the "prince" clim the tower with bare hands, if you are the ones that limit themselves to be only the response to the male stimulli, never straightforward, and the whole "is the man'¿s duty" mentallity, you look in most men's eyes a helpless woman, that had to be charm, that have to be thaught how to open up to someone, that needs to be taken care of, so they, in response to you, behave like the rescuer, except there are no real knights so often they don't know what to do,.

    Finally, there are many kinds of man, and most will do what you despise the most (for what I read), claim it was your faul, and well you claim it was theirs, like I said, FEW exceptions, but very likely you were both to blame, why he blames you? perhaps for the same reason you blame him, becuase NOBODY wants to aknowledge their own faults, is painfull, is easier to blame others. After almost any break up BOTH will blame each other, but often times just let it go, if it is more often that a man will play the blame game in this situation is because, it is kind of like a father and child relationship, child is dependent, child should no go against dad, because even iof dad is horrible, is the only one taking care of you (that's why you are with him), and often, you are not doing anything for him since he is not dependent on you, just like a father would feel bad after having fed a child for 20 years, being awful if you want, but being there and the child turns 21 and goes "hate you dad, see you in hell" again, the man might be horrible, but still expects some consideration out gratefullness

  • I've wound up playing the white night and rescuing a few damsels in distress. It never works though, because they need me more than I need them. No more rescue cases for me. I hate feeling like I'm taking advantage. Curse of the nice guy, is that girls needing rescue gravitate towards me.

    • Oh my gosh. *eyes get wide and jaw drops* You literally just hit the trifecta for having a savior complex! Please tell me this was meant to be ironic!

    • I'd say you're right except it's really more of a thing where they choose me because I'm nice to them rather than me seeking out the situation. I suck at saying no. :-)

    • Actually, having re-read the original question, I've never blamed anyone for ending a relationship. It just didn't work out. I'm still friends with almost all of them. The only exception is the one that shot herself. She survived, but it wouldn't be good for either of us to interact. Is there a I wind up being a safe haven for a while complex?

  • If someone says to you, you're a horrible girlfriend, I imagine they have a reason for it...Have you tried asking him?

    • Have you ever cheated on him? Lied to him? Or did something to make him say/think that?

    • if it was about me I would've put it in break up...I'm actually friends with the guy doing this to a girl who I'm also friends with its awkward and as an outside eye I can see what he is doing...he is having sex with many girls while he guilt trips his ex who has been begging him back I tell her to stop but yea...when she does he comes back and does it again...I wanna sit him down about it...but I wanna know what to call it

  • No, I do not 'know them'. I try to stay away as far as possible from them. Why would I want to get to know them?

  • he is a physopath my cousin is the same

  • I think it's called. "Self Centered, I need to Control Because I'm Insecure I have a Small Dick So I'll Leave You Before You Leave Me" Syndrome. It's rare but also inherited. You can tell when you look at his old family pictures, all the men will have their hand covering their crotch area & they all look sad because there are no women in the photos...because they all left them.


  • You made choices also. No one can make anyone do anything. People are responsible for their actions. No one can save anyone. You can only save yourself. That is not what a narcissists is.


What Girls Said 3

  • Manipulative abuser

  • You obviously dated my ex lol

  • You just described me in total reverse lol. I'm the one with the "savior complex" except really, it's not some savior mentality. It was me going out of my way to help that person through their emotional issues and when they not only didn't appreciate it, but spoke to me a certain way and just stopped talking to me; I was livid. I wanted to make sure they never forgot the good things I could have contributed that they will never know of. He deserves to hurt. I helped him through his rough times and with the way he treated me, he deserves to be hurt and be reminded of how at fault he was.