Have you rejected a girl that you liked because you had a priority?

I told this guy I liked him and he said he liked me too but since he just graduated college he wanted to start his career and get his life on track and get stable. I understand.

So even though he likes me, he rejected me because he has a priority right now. He hasn't talked to me for almost a month.

If you've done this to a girl, do you think of her still? Want to talk to her? Do you come back after awhile?


Most Helpful Guy

  • I've known lots of guys to do that. The reason is simply this: a lot of guys think (mostly correctly) that if he doesn't have his life together and have some stability and some resources, that he isn't going to be able to KEEP a woman around. She might stay for a little while, but she'll eventually need something he can't provide, or just get tired of waiting for him to "get there." It's much easier to do the major sacrificing, the long hours, etc. alone, instead of having a girlfriend who complains that you're never around, that you don't spend time with her, that you're on the road too much, that they're not paying you enough, etc. When you're first starting out, you often have to take crappy jobs or work long hours or be constantly on-call, and the truth is that many (most?) women get insecure about that or feel like you're CHOOSING that instead of being with them.

    I'm not saying that YOU are necessarily like that, but so many women are that he has to assume that you are too. If he's gone at work 14 hours a day, you'd never see him during the week, and maybe he comes home and HAS to spend most of the weekend fixing his car or fixing up his crappy home or apartment, and thus goes weeks without spending any quality time with you. You wouldn't be happy. You'd wonder if there was another girl. You'd wonder if he just didn't like you, and was avoiding you, etc. And he would have to deal with all of that stress ON TOP of all the stress of working so much and still having to take care of himself (food, laundry, cleaning, etc.). It can be too much sometimes.

    It would be different if you were living together, and you more-or-less knew what he was doing when he was away, and even if he just came home and crashed, you could SEE him sleeping and you'd feel better. But he doesn't have the time to get to that point with you (or anyone else) right now. Maybe things will change, but at least he was being honest with you.

    • I understand he was being honest but I wish I got more of an answer. I just wonder if he does think about me and wants to be with me after he gets his act together or if he was just rejecting me. Sigh.

    • It ultimately doesn't matter. He isn't available right now, regardless of the reason. So pretend he doesn't exist, and look elsewhere. If you're single when he gets his crap together, maybe he'll look you up. Until then, continue living your life, and don't wait around for him.

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What Guys Said 17

  • Yes, I've done it. I kept in contact with her at the time, but I later found out that she was a bit more of a party girl than what I want for a long-term girlfriend so I never went after her after I had more free time.

  • Yes, done that

    Think - yes

    Talk - yes but it's not mutual

    Come back - not possible/desirable am married

    As for you ...

    If your heart can take it, stay friends, drop in at times, include him in group vacation deals, communicate with his family, etc.

    The cat that gets the most petting is the most conveniently located.

  • I think its good your being mature about it and I think that there is a good chance he will come back around after he has everything settled together.

  • If you can't give her the time and attention she needs to be happy, then you shouldn't string her along. Either he did the right thing, or he was just giving you an excuse because he's afraid to hurt your feelings. If you like someone that much, you tend to want to talk to them.

  • No I have never done this, but I could absolutely see myself doing it.

    I would probably separate my mind and try not to think of her. I can be very goal oriented and focused.

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What Girls Said 1

  • Yebo :) guys will turn down a girl they like when they're busy building up their lives. He's a man. In order to look after a woman one day, maybe a family, he must have a stable income, a job, a qualification, a degree, you name it. They will focus on their main priorities & it will come first. That's just how they are.. If this considers losing you, he'll do it.

    Hope things work out* :)