Have you rejected a girl that you liked because you had a priority?

I told this guy I liked him and he said he liked me too but since he just graduated college he wanted to start his career and get his life on track and get stable. I understand.

So even though he likes me, he rejected me because he has a priority right now. He hasn't talked to me for almost a month.

If you've done this to a girl, do you think of her still? Want to talk to her? Do you come back after awhile?


Most Helpful Guy

  • I've known lots of guys to do that. The reason is simply this: a lot of guys think (mostly correctly) that if he doesn't have his life together and have some stability and some resources, that he isn't going to be able to KEEP a woman around. She might stay for a little while, but she'll eventually need something he can't provide, or just get tired of waiting for him to "get there." It's much easier to do the major sacrificing, the long hours, etc. alone, instead of having a girlfriend who complains that you're never around, that you don't spend time with her, that you're on the road too much, that they're not paying you enough, etc. When you're first starting out, you often have to take crappy jobs or work long hours or be constantly on-call, and the truth is that many (most?) women get insecure about that or feel like you're CHOOSING that instead of being with them.

    I'm not saying that YOU are necessarily like that, but so many women are that he has to assume that you are too. If he's gone at work 14 hours a day, you'd never see him during the week, and maybe he comes home and HAS to spend most of the weekend fixing his car or fixing up his crappy home or apartment, and thus goes weeks without spending any quality time with you. You wouldn't be happy. You'd wonder if there was another girl. You'd wonder if he just didn't like you, and was avoiding you, etc. And he would have to deal with all of that stress ON TOP of all the stress of working so much and still having to take care of himself (food, laundry, cleaning, etc.). It can be too much sometimes.

    It would be different if you were living together, and you more-or-less knew what he was doing when he was away, and even if he just came home and crashed, you could SEE him sleeping and you'd feel better. But he doesn't have the time to get to that point with you (or anyone else) right now. Maybe things will change, but at least he was being honest with you.

    • I understand he was being honest but I wish I got more of an answer. I just wonder if he does think about me and wants to be with me after he gets his act together or if he was just rejecting me. Sigh.

    • It ultimately doesn't matter. He isn't available right now, regardless of the reason. So pretend he doesn't exist, and look elsewhere. If you're single when he gets his crap together, maybe he'll look you up. Until then, continue living your life, and don't wait around for him.

What Guys Said 17

  • Yes, I've done it. I kept in contact with her at the time, but I later found out that she was a bit more of a party girl than what I want for a long-term girlfriend so I never went after her after I had more free time.

  • Yes, done that

    Think - yes

    Talk - yes but it's not mutual

    Come back - not possible/desirable am married

    As for you ...

    If your heart can take it, stay friends, drop in at times, include him in group vacation deals, communicate with his family, etc.

    The cat that gets the most petting is the most conveniently located.

  • I think its good your being mature about it and I think that there is a good chance he will come back around after he has everything settled together.

  • If you can't give her the time and attention she needs to be happy, then you shouldn't string her along. Either he did the right thing, or he was just giving you an excuse because he's afraid to hurt your feelings. If you like someone that much, you tend to want to talk to them.

  • No I have never done this, but I could absolutely see myself doing it.

    I would probably separate my mind and try not to think of her. I can be very goal oriented and focused.

  • No. As a man, I've never felt this way. Dating is about how women feel, if a woman feels that I can give her what she wants and needs, REGARDLESS of how busy I am, than I'm a happy camper, because that's all anybody could ask for.

    They do things like this because they think they aren't good enough. That if they don't dedicate a certain amount of time and effort into it, than it won't work... and honestly, they're completely wrong. Men have gotten so used to dealing with women that are so demanding... they forgot that you can just have a good time going through life, and that, that's what a majority of relationships are based on.

  • There is a saying that goes something like never put your dreams on hold for someone else. Everything is possible but I wouldn't lose sleep over it. I've given up better jobs just so I can keep the possible relationship with certain girls open and they have all slammed in my face.

  • Yes.

    Love means nothing if you can't afford to live that love life.

  • Only time I've ever rejected someone was because I was too old. I used to work in a library where a bunch of high schoolers walked in. There were some I found attractive but I knew I was too old for them (I was 19 when I started and 22 when I left). However one of the girls, who was 17, just about to be 18, had her friend tell me she found me attractive and that she "liked" me...whatever the hell that means haha...anyway, I even told her that I was 20 and that I didn't affiliate with girls that young but yet I still wound up talking to her, just to be friendly. She asked if I wanted her number and while I said yeah, I never talked to her after that, I mean I could have said no buttt..you know how it is

    Anyway, no, I've never really turned down someone for a priority. I mean, I suppose if you wanted to say a job is a priority, then sure yeah I probably did buttttt nope, not really

  • I did once but it was over something stupid.. I wanted a car first :( It just was not the same after I saw her after that long 7 year gap.. and she has a daughter now.. Still friends but before she was all over me.

    Oh well...

  • ya I would, if I loves her. but why to worry if he hasn't contact you since a month if you guys have a strong understanding and faith with each other. Do you have his contact, if so why don't you contact him. Likes and LOVE may be well diferiantiate, may be he don't LOve You.

  • Yes, he probably still thinks of you and wants to talk to you but probably doesn't want to advance to anything serious because it can interfere with his career or future. Bad part is that when you're trying to make something of yourself and starting a career you meet other people which you may start to like and result in replacing other people.

  • Yup I did this, the fact that the does not contact you may be beacose he is concentrated on his work and girls are not a priority.

  • He was being nice and did not like you. Others that answer in another way or say they have are liars.

  • i wish one girl would like me

  • I wouldn't do that if I really liked her. But then again I'm quite capable of building my life & spending time with the girl I like. It's not like I'm setting & building goals aboard a ship at sea or on MIR cleaning toilets for the Russians 11.5 months of the yr. And I can even walk & talk...at the same time, go figure.

    Priorities my ass! When anyone says they don't have time for you. Turn around & walk away & don't give them another thought. They're only excuses & nothing but unless he's doing anything similar to what's mentioned above.


What Girls Said 1

  • Yebo :) guys will turn down a girl they like when they're busy building up their lives. He's a man. In order to look after a woman one day, maybe a family, he must have a stable income, a job, a qualification, a degree, you name it. They will focus on their main priorities & it will come first. That's just how they are.. If this considers losing you, he'll do it.

    Hope things work out* :)