Why did he choose her instead of me? I wish I knew

I was casually hooking up with my neighbor for a while. I didn't know hardly anything about him I'm just extremely attracted to him. I ended up getting kind of attached to him though because the sex was amazing. Then he started ignoring me for a while. I finally texted him yesterday and asked why he's been ignoring me. He told me he has a girlfriend now. I kind of suspected it but it was definitely like a slap in the face. I just wish I knew what he saw in her that he didn't see in me. I'm sure she slept with him right away too. I don't get it. To make matters worse he lives literally right across the hall and I can tell when his girlfriend is here. Can someone give me insight?

Okay so all my friends think that he probably cheated on his girlfriend with me and it makes the most sense. It also makes me feel more horrible. If I'd of known he had a girlfriend I wouldn't have done that.


Most Helpful Girl

  • If you didn't know hardly anything about him then how do you know how long he was dating her/knew her before they slept together? I don't think it's safe to say she jumped in the sack just as soon as you did, it's a possiblity that can't be ignored.

    If you don't know what someone's intentions are, and you might feel more for them than just a casual aquaintance, then it's wise to hold off on the physical stuff, until those boundaries are more defined. If he's truly interested in you for more than a hookup, he should call you, make plans ahead of time, do things with you outside of his or your home . . . basically start showing you that you are a priority to him and that he really cares for you.

    If you sleep with someone to soon, sometimes that's all it takes to kill a blossoming romance. What was once a mystery becomes not so, too soon, and it's easy to wonder who else was given goods so easily, or just to purely lose interest.

    All of that aside though, is the most basic thing of all. You absolutely cannot compare yourself to anyone else and expect to gain any insight from it, which is why, "why her not me" is a question that leads you no where, except to cause more hurt and frustration.

    You are a unique individual, as is she and attraction does not need a reason. People like who they like. Him choosing her over you is about HIM, it is in no way a reflection of you.

    • Well if that's the case then he's definitely not worth your tears! I've been there girl, it sucks, live and learn.

What Guys Said 4

  • Many guys may say because you gave him sex without a commitment, turned him off of him dating you because you seemed too "loose".

    Imho, that's simply not true.

    I think that it is because this other girls he seems more compatible with personality-wise, interest-wise, and/or spirituality-wise, than you.


    It's more of a compatibility-in-all-phases thing, vs a simply-sex thing. Don't take it personally, QA.

  • I guess you could have tried to get to know him and try to turn it into a relationship. He probably wanted more than just sex.

    • Right I thought it was too soon to ask what he was looking for and I did try to get to know him when we were just hanging out. I guess I screwed up even more trying not to look desperate.

  • To be brutally honest, you were probably too easy. If there's no challenge or at least tension it gets uninteresting fast, especially if you barely know each other and yet you're having sex.

    If she was in the same boat as far as jumping straight to bed with him, though, maybe she was just better in bed.

  • lol now he's automatically the big bad wolf cheater just because he wanted someone else for gf? Come on now, you say you guys don;t know anything about each other. He might just have considered you and he as a one night thing and that's it. Nothing wrong with that.


What Girls Said 4

  • Ok honey you broke the # one rule with fwb's you got attached! It's clear he just wanted sex with no strings and you gave it too him! So now you have to learn to get over him because he has no feelings for you! Sorry to be so blunt but that's the true! If you are going to have fwb's relationships then you need to learn to leave feelings out of it and just have sex if you can't do that then don't have a fwb's relationship!

  • How are you so sure she jumped right into bed with him? Also I agree with Prof_don. She is probably more suited to him as far as he can see, that is the most obvious answer. Also how did your friends come to this conclusion? you will only know that if he tells you or you have obvious evidence that he has.

  • You don't know for sure that she slept with him right away. You also maybe gave him the impression that you were cool with a hookup only thing, while she gave the impression that she wasn't. She hooked up with him because she liked him. It may also be a personality difference, she demonstrated confidence or other traits he liked.