I feel lost in myself?

I go through mood swings all the time.
I don't know what happens to me exactly. I feel like I got two different personalities - by the way I am an 18yo female. One is depressed and feels bad and suffocated all the time; all I can think about is eating all the time or not eating at all; I always feels like I'm not able to get out of this mood because that's who I really am. Then there's the other one, who cares about her body and eats fit and practice exercises and is positive; when I am feeling like it I feel relaxed and wish I could never get out of it; it kind feels like that's who I am and supposed to be; I like it, I like myself. The problem is that I always alternate between them. It comes from nothing. Usually I am the second one when I'm with my friends, when I have things lots of interesting things to do, etc. But then I come home again and don't know what happens. My family stresses me out so much always talking about the way I eat, the way I do things.. Sometimes I am alone in my room and feel ok with it, but sometimes I wish I would not be alone and feel lost. Sometimes go out with my family (which I do a lot) makes me feel good and sometimes not. My parents are divorced and every time I come from a sleep over at my dad's house I come back devastated but why? I feel like in the begining it's ok but at the second day I can't anymore. I like going out at clubs, drinking and kissing a lot of guys. But then sometimes I ask myself if I really like it or do it to forget about how needy and unmotivated I am. I don't know what I want to do with my life. I curse public business at college but I don't even know if I like it. I feel like part of me doesn't want to like it or to even find out. I don't know what to do, I feel lost in myself.


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What Guys Said 1

  • Just get a hobby , U need to divert your mind from pain and sufferings,
    Music could be a good hobby for u

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What Girls Said 2

  • I think you need your space to get yourself together and feel whole instead of lack on your own.

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  • Did something bad happen?

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    • Almost all my life my family kept me out of the world. I was a shy kid who had problems socializing and family always made it worse. I did everything I could to change it and succeed. Now I can't deal the same with them anymore, just like the feelings they made me feel was still there. I go out with my friends and stuff but I want more, just as I'm trying to get back that 17 years I've lost.

    • Hmm this sounds like a abuse relationship. You're 18 maybe move out of the house to live on your own?

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