How do I show her that I truly care for her and not make her feel put down or hurt?

I have a female friend who is a year younger than me, and we both are getting degrees in counseling. Over the course of our friendship doesn't hasn't wanted to go do anything with me as a friend (lunch, movie, or anything) but does with other friends. She sometimes has me over but not often. She never comes to visit me though and makes excuses. She won't give me a hug or let me give her a hug as a friend. For a long time she would call me when she was upset to vent and let her feelings out. She would also call me when walking home at night from her boyfriends just to have someone on the phone. She would ask me to help clean and take out trash and stuff. But that all has changed. Since a few days after Christmas she suddenly became very unfriendly, very moody, rude, mean, started not answering my calls, not opening the door when I go by, she doesn't reply to my text messages or twitter/Facebook messages. She has basically dropped off and it's like she wants nothing to do with me, and there was no fight and it's not that time of the month. She has been having problems with her boyfriend and problems with harrassment at work. I have always tried to be there as friend for her and she has done the same for me. From what I've seen from her social media she is acting out of character. I know she is warn out, burntout, exhausted, and tired of life, stresses, people, and all the crap going on. But we have a class together that started last week & she has been closed off, not talkative, and to herself. Like I said she normally tells me really imtaminate things and comes to me when she is hurt, even bedroom issues.

I took her food yesterday because she was complaining about being hungry and she had actually called me for the first time in weeks. I didn't stay long but we got in another fight which that is all we do lately. Just before she kicked me out she told me that she doesn't always talk to me because she feels like I patronize her like a therapist/counselor and I only talk to her like I'm her therapist and I can't shut that off and be just a friend. I wasn't even aware that I was doing this, and she seems like that is a sure reason why she doesn't like being around me. I wasn't aware. I'm a quiet inverted person who is generally caring about people and was raised to serve and put others before myself. I thought since she was calling so much to vent I was being a good friend to listen. Yes I have used some counseling techniques unconciously but it's not all the time. I want to make up and repair the friendship, and I feel horrible that she feels like I patronize her because that is the last thing I want and didn't know I was doing it. But I don't know what to do without changing who I am. I don't know how to be a better friend to her which I really want. I'm blind and am lacking/am a late bloomer in social skills. I feel lost, confused, bewildered, and unsure.

How can I change and become a better friend to her or make it up to her?

 

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What Guys Said 1

  • It sounds like you have been in the friend zone. You need to leave her alone. Stop trying to fix her and to make the relationship better. In my opinion, the way she treats you is wrong, regardless of whatever problems are going on in her life. You really shouldn't allow someone to treat you that badly. Even if you are willing to put up with that kind of treatment, it will never make the relationship better. It kind of sounds like she has been using you for emotional support.


    Back off and hopefully she will realize that she's been a jerk.

    • I never have tried to fix her. I just want to find a solution to our current disagreement/not speaking status. We have been good friends for almost 10 years and this has never happened. I do things for her sometimes cause she is blind and has a harder time figuring out how to get places like the dumster. I don't think she has been a jerk...she is one of the nicest people you'll ever meet but lately she is moody. I've been just as bad of a friend & feel bad about that. We're only just friends

  • You need to stop caring in everything that she does. That's the job of a therapist/boyfriend.

    Be the person who has deep passion for life, be worldly, and stop making a single person revolve around your life.

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