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Why do girls tend to fall for jerks?

it really bothers me to know that many girls don't know how much they worth.. being cheated on, ignored, feeling insecure, & etc they still pu8t up with it ! why can't girls nowadays get what they deserve someone who isn't such an asshole or a jerk and they're proud of it...


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Most Helpful Guy

  • Girls go for jerks because they turn them on! Simple.

    Jerks are confident, have charisma, have a passion for life, don't give a sh*t about confirming to the norm, have high social status, tend to dress well, tend to have a good body, and they know (naturally or learnt through experience) how to mess with women's emotions (which they like deep down).

    The 'nice-guys' tend to lack in these things. They have no confidence, pander to women and treat them like infallible princesses, fear rejection, fear being different, fear messing with people's emotions, they don't have alpha male body language or speech patterns.

    Hence why I've learnt to be a bit of an asshole. I was always the nice guy - I had charisma and I have money (so I can afford to have sharp clothes and go out on pricey dates) so I could get the numbers and first dates. But nothing beyond that because I didn't want to 'rush things' and I couldn't form the sexually charged emotional bond.

    Now I know how to act like an alpha male jerk. I spend nothing on girls for the same night lay except maybe taxi fare. For first dates I might buy a drink. From being a virgin I'm now a bonafide player.

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    • Good stuff! Same here!

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    • So your basically admitting to being a manipulative chickensh*t in order to attract sucka-ass females who are either too naive to know better or they are just dumb... ooh... we should all be so jealous... WHATEVER...

    • 6 counts of shaming language. Congrats, we have a new record.

      Manipulative? No, it's being aware. Women it every time they put on makeup and tight clothing.

      Naive women? No, just women in general. There is a strong biological imperative for them to like dominating men.

      Dumb? Hell no. Smart girls are the best for it. You can actually maintain a conversation and build up both rapport and comfort.

      Jealous? It's envy by the way. Keep believing women today deserve chivalry, and see where that gets you.

What Guys Said 57

  • Why don't some people look if the subject isn't already running on a thread before asking a question?

    Just one quick peek: link (with slightly different search terms I'd find much more), look: link

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  • Valentin87 made the most good points. Bottom line is that girls find jerks/bad boys more attractive. They are more "Mr. Right Now" than "Mr. Right" My problem is not that I'm overly nice, I'm just shy. Girls want an exciting guy, usually because they can't make their own life exciting on their ow so its easier to find a guy that will do that for them. I think that is a big difference between guys and girls and the reason they get into a relationship. Girls crave excitement from a relationship; which is understandable, but they'll often put that excitement over qualities like fidelity, trust, and commitment.

    Also, "nice guys" (but I refer to the confident nice guys, not the OVERLY nice wussy guys) are not as exciting.

    Frankly, if I could turn myself into a confident jerk I would, it's much better than the opposite role. At least as a jerk I could get girls easier. I wish I had a confident jerk to tutor me, lol.

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    • I don't understand these guys.. they all seem to only care about the point .." I can't get this girl easy"

      if you want an easy girl. hey mister go right ahead, lets see if you can really feel for her..

    • I don't want "easy" girls. I don't like being one of those guys who complains that "nice guys finish last" but the fact is the "jerks" get girls easier than I ever could, usually because they are good-looking so girls are blind to anything else. Meanwhile I would treat a girl right, but I'm not interesting or confident enough for most girls compared to the jerks. Not that I'm talking myself down, that's just what girls think of me. I know it's hard to understand being on the other side of it.

    • It just gets frustrating when girls know that they go for jerks, and still do it. And when they meet a decent guy they aren't interested because he isn't as exciting as the jerks she's used to. I don't buy that girls can't tell a guy isn't going to work out or treat her right; but I maybe when they get infatuated with a guy at first they think he is perfect and are blind to the telltale signs. Most people are very transparent and easy to read. At least for me they are, lol.

  • This is because a guy will make a list of pros/cons and make a decision based on it.

    A girl, even if the cons outweigh the pros, she'll stay with him because the "but I still love him" speech.

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  • Valen pretty much has it, at least in my experience. The most f'ed up thing is that when I was in high school I was a "bad" boy. I had the I don't give a ... about anyone or anything. Wore cloths that said that. Talked like it, didn't pay attention to girls when they flirted with me (this drove them crazy), I wasn't a dick to my ex girl friend but I wasn't very understanding or willing to give her a lot of time (when I apologized and wanted to get more serious she retracted, I think she secretly liked having me treat her like that and didn't know how to react to me treating her correctly, not even joking.) . I've found girls gravitated to me when I exhibited all these behaviors and looks. Ever since Hs I've grown up and matured, started to focus on school (I dropped out) now I'm on my way to UC San Diego. I found my caring and compassionate side and when I started acting/dressing like this I was like an anti girl mag. Bottom line, nice guys who treat girls well just don't excite girls off the bat. I suppose nice guys should act like jerks to start with and then when the girl is ready for them to be a nice guy they can stop the facade. Because god knows how many times I've heard the he was so nice but after a few months he was such a d... Anyways I think it comes from both sides, girls and guys are both to blame. Tv, music, and magazines need to stop showing them as desirable. There's a reason the "badass with a sweat side " is on tv. It's fantasy.

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    • You do have a point .. most girls tend to fall for bad boy.. but think about it if you're showing a girl ur bad side will she ever be ready for your good? my point is to always be yourself. you don't need a girl right off the bat, because if you got her that fast what makes you think another guy cant? won't you like a lady who loves you for you?

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    • Usually nice guys/good guys are boring or yeah you didn't hit her but are you exciting to her? There could have beein other things she was not into about you. Your nice but maybe not her type physically, mentally? Who knows. the guy that hit her. of course she don't like it but some women stay because of the sex and what he offers, maybe money, or a child, or just being together for a long time and he hits her and its hard for her to leave cause she got sucked in. Women like this have low self esteem

    • One of the reasons she was sleeping with me was because she was sex deprived in that relationship and he apparently was terrible in bed. Between the two of us we go at it like rabbits so definitely not the issue there. Secondly he's a musician who makes minimum wage and isn't going anywhere. I'm 2 years from med school, so that doesn't work either. The guy was just a d... I think it's more I'm the type a girl would marry in a few YEARS rather than the fun party goer most girls want right now.

  • We have to with the modern woman cause unlike what we thought when we were young there is literally no chance of marrying a virgin. I know that's not fair but stats say its true. Woman now want to be independent which is not their natural human characteristics so males are trying to adept but to what, and for what we love them but are just as quick to say bitch or slut cause the older beliefs are lost in women at younger ages and then brought back with age so either way guys get the short end of the stick she's no longer pure.

    yet in still she wants a white dress not knowing it means your a virgin lol America please stop the white its a lie. She can go to church with her bastard child and her baby daddy and they feel accomplished and satisfied. So this is what we should respect, honor, love, I'd say its all just second rate not as beautiful a reunion of couples as it could be.

    Ask any woman born of the 80's and she'd wish she would have waited but didn't. Think two people can sign a contract a bidding agreement that the army will send you to jail for theirs and many other companies but for marriage which you take an oath to death do you apart sickness and health better or worst you can write a pre-nup lol dismissing everything you just said. They would stone females for being cheating now a days just get a divorce. Marriage is no longer forever its just not the same. So really we are just picking up on your own lack of respect for yourselves. It can come from not being able to have our security which was she is waiting till marriage. There was even times not long ago that if a woman was not a virgin she could not marry but now adays we all bend the rules cause sorry but yall no longer have what it takes. further more I will continue to be an ASSHOLE!

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    • Whoa, cheer up.

      Where do you live ? We aren't all the same. Some of us have values. Sadly, women as much as men are losing them.

  • Girls are taught from a young age that when a guy is mean it means he likes you. Case in point when you were 5 and some boy punched you in the arm you went and told your mom. What did she say? Awe he punched because he has a crush on you. You have just been programed.

    Also women like stray puppies. Girls like the edge of a bad boy jerk and are annoyed by the wear your heart on you sleeve good boys. So girls that like to try and change things and train things to work the way they like the think what should be easier? Changing a edgy guy to a nicer guy and keep his edge or change the p**** in to more of an edgy guy? Well she says I already got a p**** maybe I can change this jerk into what I want. Yet girls never get they can't change anyone that has no reason to change. Girls don't give these guys boundries which is what they really crave to be happy so the guy runs them over. I would like to say its not there fault but it is. Girls should look for the edgy sweet guys they exist and if girls only dated them that is what all guys would adapt to. Girls can learn a lot about how to be more selective on artofcharm.com

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    • "he's just not that into you" ?

    • It is relivent it is based on really social studies.

  • Girls tend to fall for "jerks" NOT because of their jerky personality. Not because of their bad attitudes and mindsets, but because of their good ones.

    This can be hard to believe, but if you're a girl, and you come across people who exhibit the following personality traits, AND you had to choose between them:

    A) needy, unreliable as a source of protection and security, a bit of a push-over, who is not even secure with himself, approval- and attention-seeking, and who is afraid to REALLY say what he wants (i.e. the "nice guy", as people tend to call them),

    and

    B) a powerful person, one who IS able to get things done, who is able to effectively make decisions, who is secure about himself, who is confident, who DOES say what he thinks, who knows what he wants and works to get them. The dominant and reliable, powerful person,

    then the choice wouldn't be so hard. It just so happens that the people who have trait-selection B, AND stand out for them, are the people who take it just THAT bit too far. They are the people who don't give a rat's ass about what other people think of them, who are too quickly to abandon people or otherwise be aggressive in order to effectively get their needs met, who do not heed others' feelings, and therefore might say things they REALLY mean, but that are, at the same time, hurtful for the other person, etc.

    So basically, for the most part, girls fall in love with only the POSITIVE traits of jerks. It has nothing to do with their own sense of self-worth (see more of that a bit further down, when I'll talk about attraction not being a choice).

    DO NOTE that that is JUST the reason why girls favour "bad boy"-types over the "nice guy"-types. If they were to come across a person who combined the positive traits of both in a balanced set of traits, they'd go for it. Unfortunately, people who have themselves GENUINELY well together are hard to find anyways, and the people who ARE actually these "Mr. Rights" are probably taken anyways. So if it's really that hard to find Mr. Right today, people just settle for the next best thing: the Bad Boy-type.

    Besides, it's not like girls CHOOSE with whom they fall in love with. People don't think "well, let me just fall in love with that person over there". Attraction JUST HAPPENS.

    There are just certain types of intrinsic "buttons" or personality that we are attracted to (like confidence, effective decision-making, etc.). You could compare this to fear: you cannot "choose" to be scared or not. You just "get scared".

    In short: if a person displays these pre-programmed positive traits, OUR BRAINS ARE WIRED to give a response of "Hey, I really like this guy!". And since "jerks" display these traits more than the stereotypical "nice guys", womens' brains just automatically respond to these persons by saying "Hey, I really like this guy!"... THEY HAVE ABSOLUTELY NO CONTROL OVER THIS!

    Anywhoo, I hope you got some useful information from this post. Use it wisely ;p

    Have a great day! ^

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  • My opinion:

    Girls like jerks because girls *are* jerks. A female user on this website linked to a scientific study that shows women are *way* more likely to commit emotional abuse than guys are; *extremely* more likely to do it. Find the link here: www.girlsaskguys.com/.../100606-what-do-men-have-that-women-dont.html

    But the double standard is that many people only think the behavior is abusive when a guy does it.

    So I think it's reasonable to assume that when girls prefer jerks, it's simply a reflection of the girl's own jerky personality.

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  • since you are a girl shouldnt you already know the answer to this? my guess would because when a guy treats a girl like mean/crappy and he's a jerk to her, it revalidates how she really feels about herself and that feels right to her. and a girl wants what feels right. that makes sense doesn't it?

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  • Stupid girls fall for jerks because they think it's expected of them. Doing what's expected of you takes less effort than thinking does.

    Smart girls occasionally fall for jerks because, at first, they don't realize the guy is a jerk. Then they dump the jerk and look for guys who don't act like they're still in high school. Once they find a guy who isn't a jerk, they have fulfilling relationships and fantastic sex.

    That's pretty much the whole story.

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  • There are three completely seperate factors contributing to this.

    The first one is because women want the guy to approach them in most cases and won't approach the guy themselves. This usually ends up blowing up in their faces because the kind of confidence needed to be able to approach a girl like that usually goes hand-in-hand with the jerk personality type. The guys who are nice enough to treat a girl like he respects her are usually too shy to make a move in the first place, so they stay invisible to the girls.

    The second one is because women don't want a perfect man. They want to take a man who is imperfect and mold him into the perfect man. They want to take the jerk and turn him into the nice guy because, as Parisa said, they feel it is some sort of ultimate validation of their worth as a woman, to get a bad boy to settle down and change his ways for you.

    The third and final reason is because human beings are animals, and in all animals, the female of the species is attracted to what is referred to as the "alpha male." It is part of your genetic coding. And while some women have evolved past this, many haven't. The problem with this is because the qualities that define an "alpha male" translate to being a sociopathic jerk. Think about it: The alpha male is the strongest, the toughest, and quickest to fight in the animal kingdom. He is the one most likely to provide for his family and protect them. He is the one most likely to answer challenges from other males and will go to any length to emerge victorious from those challenges, and he is the most territorial. Translate this into human behavior: Quick to fight over stupid BS, overprotective, clingy, ,possessive, controlling, and quick to resort to violence over stupid meaningless reasons. This is your "alpha male." And this is the male you are genetically predispositoned to like. If you're one of the women who have evolved past it, great. But if not, you've only got more relationships with jerks in store for you.

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    • This is wise words.

      It's the truth most women is blind to.

    • Those three observations are all true. However, as someone who has dated jerks and is now looking on the other side of the tracks, I can say that the confidence that jerks tend to exude (ie. they pursue girls) as well as the ideal of being able to change a guy, are big things leading to the initial attraction. Girls see the fixing up as a challenge for themselves, for a guy to say "you've changed me" is a huge compliment for women.

  • Ironpanther12 hit it right on the head, girls like bad boys because they feel "safe" with them.

    Funny thing is, I'm another one of those nice guys who gets stuck in the friend zone, but that's because I don't go around instigating things and getting into fights, if I did I'd have the same appeal as those "bad boys".

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  • I think many people get this backward. The way I see it, the girls who fall for jerks, fall for them not because the guys are jerks per se. It is because the guys are attractive. In general, attractive people can get away with a lot of things. That's the fact. Because of that, these attractive guys never learn to be good. They are spoiled. Hence, they are what you called jerks.

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    • Didn't I already say that down below?

    • This is definitely part of the reason. Guys who are attractive tend to be confident and confidence is simply very attractive. Like WeaponZero said, confident guys are the alpha male and thus are the ones that are most coveted by the female for the reasons he described.

      Same for women tho too to an extent..."Beautiful women can get away with murder"

  • Well to be honest the girls that end up with a jerk are the ones that only go for the jerks in the first place, so many times I have been pushed aside for some idiot only for it to end in a single mother with depression or an abusive relationship.

    You reap what you sow girls, don't see too many dungeons and dragons fans beating their wives with light sabres and cheating with a girl who applies spot cream better.

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    • Someone living in denial, don't vote down unless you can offer a reason, coward.

  • Not all girls falls for jerk but most of them they do...

    why? your a girl, why do you think it goes like that...

    let me tell you something, if I came and told you the truth that I live day by day & I don't own a home & my car is cheap & I don't go to luxury restaurents & goes to the movies once or twice per year...& another guy comes & tells you...my ferrari is outside & let's go to the movies and spend a night at a luxury restaurent...then he tells don't worry about the costs. I have 10 platinum & gold cards...these jeweleries are for & costs 200.000$ and be proud cause I'm a MACHO man...

    which man, do you think that a girl would choose...the 1st one is telling the truth but his truth would turn a girly girl down even he will be faithful for her and treats as a queen but the 2nd have high standards which will cover all the bad things that he have and makes a girl turn blind and not seeing his real side & in this way she will fall for him & then get smacked up for the reality & false dreams that she used to thought of...

    i hope that my answer helps you about why a jerk is lucky!

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  • Attraction isn't a Choice

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  • Thnk about it. How much work does it REALLY take to hang on to a jerk?

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  • some girls see it as a challenge to change the jerk into a nice guy.

    some fall for the jerk not knowing he's a jerk cause he's soo confident and

    desceptive.

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  • Because most of the time jerks are more daring, more exciting, and more attractive to the oblivious girl.

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    • Any guy can be fun to hang with and daring and attractive and is not a jerk . I don't see why you say a jerk is.

    • I said... "most" of the time a jerk resembles those qualities. Not every guy, who is nice, is that well put.

  • Because the jerks are the ones that usually have the confidence to make the moves on the girls . And like others said.. some girls actually try to change the bad boys.

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  • in general, I think that the girls who prefer jerks *are* jerks themselves.

    but women have brainwashed themselves (and men) into believing that it's only jerky/abusive when a guy does it. when a girl behaves like a jerk, girls (and guys) explain it away by saying, "she's emotional" or "it's that time of the month" or "who understands women?" but in truth, there's no excuse for most of the crap women expect men to tolerate.

    so when girls date jerk after jerk, I think that it's generally a reflection of the girl's own jerkiness.

    birds of a feather flock together.

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    • Not true about us being jerks is why we date them. Nothing to do with that. There are a lot of men young men out there who do not want a relationship or anything serious like a woman wants early on. we are just different like that so there are very few guys out there that do want something real like we do but hard to find. Which is why we date jerks we are used to them being seen and around and mostly pupulating every where we go. Its a habit like any other that we complain about but don't know

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    • How to ask questions or answer them or others comments. if I don't agree with there comment still, I'm gonna comment why I dont. It is a discussion therefore could turn to a debate. Thirdly, no wonder why people put themselves as anonymous on here because of people like you who decide to be mean and bring up stuff just to use against them and you don't even know them. So I'm gonna continue to answer however I like whether you like it or not. Lastly, you been deleted. dueces! Lol!

    • Why are you being so stubborn. You need to relax it isn't really serious

  • Girls today are getting what they deserve. The problem is most girls have entitlement issues and want things they don't deserve. There is a difference you see. ;)

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    • Oh wow haha...i can agree with you..sort of. a lot of girls DO get exactly what they deserve. but don't generalize, there's definitely girls that deserve real awesome guys ;)

  • For real most girl don't know what they want and just follow the tend and then it becomes a habit that they follow.

    Badboys seem more interesting to girls at times and ,so they go with him.

    The nice guy seems more boring to girls at times and ,so they reject him.

    There will always be a guy for a girl and a girl for a guy,but first you gotta know what you truly want and go for it.

    Peace!

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  • I could say the same exact thing about females, its give or take, just got to find the right person and make the right choices.

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  • It really depends on what you and these other girls posting on the deffffination of JERK is?

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  • I really wish someone would tell me that. I'm a really nice guy. Like I'm known to be one of the nicest guys in school. I have a ton of friends that are girls. However none of them want to go out with me. Instead they pair up with the big, tough, popular jocks instead of a nice guy like me. Girls tend to think of it as a thrill to date a bad boy.They SAY they would rather have a nice guy but in fact they wouldn't take one. I hate it too your not alone ok.

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    • They don't want a boyfriend who acts like one of their female friends. you act like a female friend and therefore you're just a friend. they want a confident bad guy who puts them in their place from time to time.

      don't be afraid to be an asshole. life is much easier that way. girls don't deserve a nice guy like you.

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    • Is it really wrong of me to be nice? Do I need to be a complete ass off to be accepted? Well if that's how women reguard me then fine I don't care looks like I'm going to be alone all my life. If they can't accept me for who I am then what's the point they aren't worth it...

    • This may come off as me talking bullsh*t, but there are going to be girls out there that are interested in you for you.

  • 1) jerks seem/often are more confident than nice/mostly shy guys. girls love confident guys.

    2) jerks are more aggressive. they seem more manly. girls like guys who are dominant/in control/make them feel safe.

    3) jerks don't show their sensitive side very often/only when being with the girl they "love". it makes her feel special (since he is all macho and insensitive towards others/in public). girls don't want an overly sensitve guy = something like another female friend. that's why so many nice guys are friends with girls. girls don't accept them as men. they're nothing more than shopping sissies.

    4) jerks are most likely "players", experienced at sex.

    5) jerks tend to play games with girls/treat them badly. girls are hurt but keep crawling back.

    6) jerks are good actors/turn on their charm and girls fall for it. many girls are easy to manipulate.

    7) jerks rather ignore the girl they like instead of complimenting her/caring for her 24/7. they don't make her feel like she's the princess and he's the slave who does everything to make her happy. they are the opposite of clingy/annoying.

    8) jerks cheat on girls. they want to have fun with other girls as well and show that they don't depend on one girl/can get many girls if they want. some girls forgive them/even fight to get them back (somehow like a competition to see if they are able to get them back).

    9) jerks are bad boys = not boring. they are fascinating. girls like to see if they can "change" them (they are more of a challenge than a nice and rather submissive guy/doormat). it's pretty obvious that girls are attracted to guys who present themselves as a challenge because it keeps them on their toes and it's exciting for them.

    10) jerks are more adventurous/dangerous. ("daddy doesn't want you to play with the bad guys" = forbidden things are the most desirable.)

    11) jerks make their girls feel like they are less of a person/make them feel they should be happy to date them. some girls even believe it. they think they don't deserve such a "dream man".

    12) many girls simply fall in love with jerks. they don't give up on guys they love (even if they treat them like sh*t).

    13) many girls don't try to get to know nice guys better/don't give them a chance because they already have a crush on jerk number 21.

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    • Wow. You sound like you know jerks well. You hit it right on the nail. Everything you said is true. y do girls continue to date losers? 1-13 are the reasons especially #5 and #8, and #11. Notice that most of the reasons you listed sounded like good reasons instead of the 3 I mentioned. There are too many turn ons about bad guys that the few turn offs we accept because us females do not like to start over once we are in it good with a guy. but we complain because of that decision huh? We desire to be

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    • The exact thing happened to me too. I hate it and yes it is a slap in the face.

    • RIGHT ON... THE MONEY

  • I want to know this same thing. Honestly, after everything I've been through, I do NOT feel bad for girls that go through this stuff. The vast majority do it to their own damn selves. They can go cry to someone who actually gives. It's ridiculous. I suffer BS from this myself because I'm a nice guy. It's just an excuse for girls...what else could it be?

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    • I hear what you are saying but there are too many jerks running around. Read the guy below you, Valentin87. Those are all the reasons and we do it. We want a bad boy with good guy qualities. hard to find those 2 combinations. Again, there are too many bad guys out there that give good guys like you a bad name. Vice versa with girls but for some reasons bad boys are exciting and more confident and that attracts us a lot but we wish they would treat us respectfully is the only issue.

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    • Btw, the above post that I just wrote is not me bein a dick. It's me being straight forward and to the point. I'm not saying guys don't do anything wrong, but women are the initial start of the F* up. Anyone can disagree or flame me if they choose to, but considering the experiences I've heard of and been through...I stand by my thoughts and feelings 900%.

    • I agree guys are usually the ones that want to be together but girls are weird sometimes with playing hard to get, dropping hints that we can't read, and many other things. However guys aren't perfect either and we tend to make a lot of mistakes too as you said. It's just that guys are more straightforward then girls usually. I'm not saying it's a bad thing that girls aren't as straightforward it just can be confusing at times.

  • It is most likely because our society doesn't cherish good moral values... and like many other posters have said the jerk female doesn't see anything wrong with the jerk male.

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  • Because they see it happen in movies all the time and think that that is what they are supposed to do.

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What Girls Said 25

  • Personally because they have the acting thing down,and sadly they know how play the game right.In most cases its not because we want to fall for them,but they come up to us and make us feel like they have good intentions.After that we try talking to them and over time we fall for them(if he looks good that's just easier).Jerks tend to know what to say that makes us feel like we are going to be the only female.Once we fall for them it's not so easy to fall out,by that point we trust them and believe every word they say.I might be speaking for myself now,since he looks for me over again I'm thinking that he really changed.But that's my fault to because I want things to be how they use to when he cared and checkd on me to c if I was okay.We let them back into are lives so easily that they know we are always her.I know I deserve better I honestly do but I can't do much about it.Because it's difficult for me to let go of the person that I fell in love with at one point.He ignores me now,but he wasin't the guy that I met when we first talked.

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    • I don't understand how all these female answers say that the jerks say they like them a lot first and then show their real side that they don't. It has to be something else because when a guy tells a girl he likes her, she usually will tell the guy to fuk off for being needy

  • Because every girl wants to be the girl that changes a guy. It's the ultimate validation of her worth- I love you so much and you are so amazing that I will stop being a jerk and start being Mr Perfect. Sometimes we are, most of the time we're not.

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    • Aaahhh I think this is very interesting... it makes sense.

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    • Sorry. But it doesn't work like that man.

    • Good point!

  • i think sometimes it could be due to the environment you're in. for me, both my parents weren't a significant part of my life

    my dad left me when I was young

    my mom is verbally abusive

    i tend to do things on me own and I'm strong enough to

    i did go out with a jerk and it was because I was niave and because I wanted to feel happy but it ended in me going to counselling and therapy

    so sad things do happen and I just hope that other girls don't do the same mistakes. and also not to look down or be condescending towards girls who were victims in abusive relationships.

    so there are a few reasons why it happens

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    • Im sorry to hear that

  • I think you pretty much nailed it right there in your question...

    I think many women do not value themselves highly enough. Our society pretty much makes it seem like if you don't have someone then you are a failure. For example, that old saying that if a woman hasn't married before she is 40 then there is something wrong with her. I think it makes us feel desperate, and needy...Which is sad...lol...We have something guys want...and they want it bad...If more women really realized it...well...would be better for all of us. Sadly, I am just learning these lessons at the ripe old age of 47. Which just goes to show ya, it is never too late to learn. I have a guy who I believe is interested, and, when we go out...well, not gonna just jump into bed with him...if he wants it...well, gotta show me that he is worth my time and effort.

    Anyway...that's what I think

    :-)

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  • Cause we like the excitement and the thrills at the beginning and nice guys are boring

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  • my mom has this theory that evry jerk (male AND female) find good persons to be with.. and vice versa

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  • ive been hurt so many times...i always go for the jerks...and it becasue they always go for me..like I ain't easy or nothin I'm a virgin? half of them leave me cause I won't have sex with them...the most I've ever been played was by this boy who acted like he caredc bout me..and he didn't even do it for one night he did it for a whole weekend..i hung out with him everyday and night..it was cute he would hold my hand while I drove...he would talk bout the future...he always wanted what was best for me..we went swimmin at the lake together and we would take naps together...i miss him so much and I miss it..he pretty much left me at the lake one day when he said he was going to the store..he never came back..and I've only seen him a few times since..but we don't talk..like those kinda boys make me wanna give up on boys overall cause even when you think they are different they never really are =/

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    • Omg same crap here!..freaken buttholes.I'm tell you they make you think they really care and if we don't put out they leave.

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    • The problem with that is because confidence and being that kind of jerk go hand in hand. 95% of the time if a guy gets up the guys to approach you they're a jerk. The ones who are nice enough to actually care about you and respect you are mostly too shy to actually move in.

    • Who wants a girlfriend that you can't touch? You better off being just friends or nothng, too much temptation and waste of time.. It's not about being a jerk. Plus you are trying to control the relationship by acting that way, and a relationship should be 50/50, no one mature enough wants to put up with that nonsense.

  • though I'm a girl myself and I don't believe this applies to me, but in my opinion most girls are dense and desperate for boyfriends. most girls think they can get by with having a boyfriend with looks alone. they will soon learn the bitter truth after they start treating them like sh*t. either that or they have a good looking jerk just to show off that they have a hot boyfriend. hopefully they will learn from their mistakes.

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  • It's possible the guys made themselves out to be a really nice guy, got the girl to fall for him, then completely changed his personality. (Personal experience)

    I guess it's a learning experience.

    I have a friend that's attracted to guys that are a little (not too much) mean to her, and I never really understood why.

    It's hard to say the exact reason, but eventually most girls gain enough respect for themselves and find nice guys. Although, some never learn.

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  • Because the girls don't have self-respect and they think they can't do any better than that.

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  • because sum girlz dnt kno he is a bad boy @ 1st and wen she does she can try to change him but it doesn't work

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  • In my opinion, anyone can be a jerk, girl or guy. It just depends. Of course you'd call your ex a jerk, they BROKE UP with you, but if they gave you flowers, invited you to dinner and a movie, gave you sweet compliments, hugged you etc, they everything is fine and dandy right?

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  • we don't know theyyre jerks first (most of the time)

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  • i do believe girls go for jerks because to be honest its ridiculously hard to find a none jerk guy! At first I suppose you start of saying I won't go for nothing but the best but as time passes on you kinda realize that there is no Mr Perfect and that pursuing such a dream will leave you single for the rest of your life... so you gradually start relaxing your standards and amazingly the more relaxed your standards are the more potential guys you get, hence in come the jerks and no matter what crap he does you think if I leave him I'll prob get another nit with or worse and so you tend to stick to the devil you know... pathetic I know but that's how it normally happens.

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  • thats why you should have 5 or 6 boyfriends, out of 5 or 6 one of them are bound to not be a jerk :)

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  • cuz we girls are more in to the emo side and we care lot more they guy's.that suck's because some guys just what to just get some and we want a relationship wit love

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  • I've met a lot of guys who go for just as sleazy girls... I think it goes both ways, both sexes have a hard time choosing someone and end up with someone not worth their time...

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    • You are correct. I think what we're arguing is that it seems more common with girls getting bad guys. And the real disgusting part of it is that a lot of these girls are really nice and so deserving of someone much better. I know it isn't scientific, but it just seems like it happens more to girls.

  • Jerks know what buttons to push, I can promise, no women falls for the jerk, but someone far different, they are already in love before the real man behind the charmer shows himself, and it's damned confusing, some women refuse to accept that the man they loved was a slimy play acting sleeze ball, for a long time. It's never nice to believe you've been had, and a lot of women stick it out expecting things to go back to how they used to be.

    Making excuses for the man they love, or even ignoring a lot of the abuse.

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  • Because they haven't learned what real men are. They think jerks will be good in bed, but don't realize these guys actually suck at sex. It is actually the nice guys who pleases their parnters, physically & emotionally. Plus, these women feel special because their boyfriend is mean to everyone else but them.

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    • god that is so true! The loud mmouth jerk-offs that I foolishly got involved were the absolute worst in bed. The best sex ever was with quietest, most unassuming men I've ever met. No BS! Just great boinkage.

  • I also don't get that...but I think some just like to pity themselves and feel proud that they put up with so much. Like one girl, who studied with me...actually paid everything for her boyfriend, who was already working...did I get that? Nope. But I guess she liked feeling "in power" or whatever, not my cup of tea though. Fyi he actually broke up with her by stopping to call her and she even tired to get him back...so weird.

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  • because as far as we may remember they were wonderful once and somewhere inside we're trying to recapture that and hope "he'll" return.. hoping he was real.. maybe we're the jerks for it, but it's our lives and our decision to decide whether or not we want to tolerate something. I'm going through it right now. it sucks. but I was with him a long time, and I don't like to quit on something because it doesn't go my way or it's isn't my dream come true. the grass isn't always greener either. you can always find something worse. in my experience, all the nice guys seem to be taken. I'm not from the young crowd, so, I feel my chances are a needle in the haystack at times.. even though I don't think of myself as old or unattractive. I just can't seem to find "him". not all of us are lucky in love. and furthermore, we can't help who we love.

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  • Girls like a challenge. We naturally want to change our men and make them love us and treat us good. A nice guy is too easy and boring. My ex is/was a jerk and I really thought things would change.. Never did.. Now I'm with a nicer jerk.. Lol, he's got a much better heart, he just acts like a hard ass.

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    • I'm not trying to be rude but do you think getting slapped around is boring? Or humiliated in front of numerous people. Or how about the psychological damage these pricks cause girls? It is only through bitter experience that I say this. I was one of those damn fool little girls who was just thrilled with the bad boys or the boys who made me laugh and had to learn by being gang raped and then humiliated in front of my entire school. You like the challenge Huh? I truly wish you good luck!

  • cuz your subconscious love this guys..and ur smart mind is over powered...the psychology,is you really are the same type of person as this guys deep inside...

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  • im in love with a jerk and il tell you why..

    when we first met he was the best guy ever, a few months down the line he started showing his true colors, but to this day I'm still head over heals for him...

    why?

    because I'm still in love with what I THOUGHT he was! I some how convince myself "well maybe he'll go back to the way he was when we first met"..but no it never happens

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    • Yep I know. I know a girl who does the exact same thing. She spent months crying to me about it earlier this year. She eventually stopped crying to me about it. Maybe because she finally realized that she can only pull that sh*t for so long before the sympathy is gone. I mean really. I stopped giving even half a sh*t about her whining.

      Your boyfriend is complacent. He thinks he doesn't have to work in your relationship anymore because he already has you. He'll never change back.

    • The only way he'd ever change back is if he decides it's important. If he really believes he lost you. Most likely it's too late for you in your relationship. If you have to leave him for him to understand he's a f***ing moron, then he's not going to get it. Likely he'll only change just enough to please you, for a while. When he feels safe he'll get lazy and turn into an asshole because that is likely who he really is. He can't keep up a facade like that forever.

    • Im sorry 4 u

  • Its hard to find a guy we want. There are too many jerks running around. That's why. so we settel for what's mostly around and familiar with.

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    • Spirited answer!:D XD

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    • Wow. missed my point there.

    • Ima havta call BS on that one.. that's total crap... Even with total idiocy, and jerks running around... you still have a choice.. we all know attraction most of the time isn't left to choice... but more to things like conditioning, attittudes and tastes... If you want a quality guy, get one.. otherwise stop getting with jerks and complaining about how much of a d*** they are to you... you know what they are before you get with em...

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