I want my girlfriend back. I love her so much. What should I do?
To make a very long story short my girlfriend and I were together for almost 3 yrs. We lived together for 2. We were always happy, we had small fights about little things but no major fights. Like normal. She was very much in love with me telling me that she has never felt love like this b4. I too love her more than life itself. Almost from the beginning we started to plan our life together both knowing that we were going to be married and grow old together. She always encouraged us to look at engagement rings an I usually agreed and about Nov o last year I began to pay on one. She knew. She picked it out.( that's the way she wanted it because she's very picky.) anyway she would always practice signing your name with my last name, we had already named our kids and all the fairy tale stuff like that. I laughed at any fact that we would ever break up because it didn't seem possible. Well about January she started to grt a little different. See we were in the process of buying a house together out of wedlock( crazy I know, but that's how sure we were). She started getting depressed about money and she was working all the time it seems. I tried to be very helpful as I was also working all the time and am also a premed student. Ah became less affectionate and began just sitting and watching TV all the time. Never active except work. Which I understand. About a month later her mammaw underwent heart surgery and that was very tragic for her. Everything went fine with the surgery but it caused her more stress. I was there for her. But a few days later she said she didn't know about us anymore, sh was Adria to commit to one person and she is just so confused. Obviously this threw me off and I got really saddened. A few weeks passed by and finally she said she needed space. I was devastated. I understood from the beginning but just thought it was a phase from all the stress. But I really don't
know. She moved back in with her mom and we didn't speak for a fee days. Then
I started to contact her our of panic and I think it made it worse as then she actually ended our relationship. I continued to try and great closure for about a week. She wouldn't give it to me. I understand I
messed up by not leaving her alone. I am
now. I love her more than anything and she is worth the wait. I know she still loves me and she had that love that doesn't fade away. Trust me.
I'm 24 she's 22 almost 23.
It's been a week since I've talked to her last . I'm doing a lot to keep her off my mind but it's really hard. This is all really hard for me, as I know it can be. I really do want is best for her because I love her. I wish I didn't panic after the breakup but hopefully she will understand
Thanks for any advice I'm desperate
What's Your Opinion?
Most Helpful Opinion
It sounds like you both are extremely stressed out. The money stress is the big one. Money is the main thing causing problems in all realtionships it seems these days. I think that maybe realizing she would be out in the "real world" maybe freaked her out a bit. Thinking about future bills, taxes on things, and all of the expenses were probably hitting her and cause her to panic a bit. Not to mention the cost of kids, if you guys decided to have them.
Her grandmother having surgery definiteyly had a huge impact on it all-together.
I think a little break may be needed for both of you to recooperate efficiently with as least stress possible. Maybe in a week or two, text or call asking to go to lunch, get a coffee, some ice cream, or go to dinner together to talk things over. Then you can see where you stand, and both of you can get your feelings out in the open to decide where to go from there.
What Girls Said 6
you guys got to talk about the fighting part and why you guys are fighting. it sounds like she's in a very stressful situation, although it's not right for her to take it out on you, she should definitely seek counselling or a different outlet to take her frustration out on . I think you guys should meet up and talk about it. After you think things have settled down a bit you'll be alright
What Guys Said 4
Stop focusing on getting her back and start focusing on getting on with your life. Seriously, I know it sounds backwards, but you should know by now that that's how most things in life really work. If there's any chance that she'll "see the light" and be interested again, it'll be because of what happens next.
Here are some of my thoughts:
*This is about HER
Keep in mind that this is about HER and not YOU right now. So, anything about YOU (how you're hurt, how you messed up, how you want her back ETC.) will only push her further away. If you really like her, you should want her to be happy even if that means NOT being in a serious relationship with you. Put your neediness (and ego) aside and focus on her being happy.
*Agree with her
So, if she says, "This isn't working. I think we should be friends." You say, "You're right. That's a great idea." I know that you're programming tells you that you must convince her that she's wrong about you, but that doesn't work and is probably one of the main reasons (I'm right and you're wrong) that she doesn't like you IN THAT WAY any longer. If you say, "But I'll change." "I can be better." "Maybe it's because I need to do more of_________ or___________." This is also something she doesn't like about you (pressure and neediness) and you're digging yourself an even bigger hole by doing MORE OF IT.
Agreeing also shows that you're actually LISTENING to what she's trying to tell you. Yet, another reason that she probably broke up with you in the first place (she didn't feel LISTENED to).
*Give her SPACE and TIME TO THINK!
Instead of reminding her about how being with you is great (by hanging out together), show her what's it's like to be WITHOUT you.
Limit the time you spend with her by being cordial if you have to see her attempts at spending time with her. She knows what you're thinking while the two of you are together and it's not helping your cause.
The longer you force her to focus on YOU, the longer it will take her to decide if she's made the right decision in NOT being with you (in a serious relationship) right now. And, like most things YOU want but can't have; once you have them you're not as excited as when you DON'T have them...because, usually, it's more about the fact that you CAN get her back than actually HAVING HER BACK.
*Start seeing other women IMMEDIATELY!
You may think that you'll ruin your chances and that she'll think you don't care and don't need her, when she finds out. But look at it this way; has her knowing that you DO care and DO need her worked in getting her back so far?
She'll respect you much more (and find you more attractive) if she knows that you're smart enough to realize that the two of you might not be right for each other and that you're confident enough to dust yourself off when something doesn't work and move on with your life.
She just might be interested in a guy like THAT!
hey man,...I think you shouldn't contact her at all. Like you said, it its making things worse. I know its easier said than done since you you love her, but trust me you gotta try hard with all ur might. This no contact period will give both you time to reflect and better process the situation. In the end, it'll be worth, no matter how everything turns out.