i am 20 years old and have never had a boyfriend or been kissed because I am socially retarded. I don't know how to talk to people. I am extremely shy and never know what to say. I'm afraid of letting others see my true self because I think they'll reject me. only my true friends understand me. I hate talking to guys because I know very well I am fat and ugly and that guys won't bother with a girl like that. do I have any hope?
Most Helpful Guy
OK I have a bunch of assorted thoughts on the subject because I went through a really similar crisis about a year ago:
- I was skinny but had strabismus (an eye disorder that makes your eyes look very ugly) and cystic acne (the most severe kind of acne out there) so it didn't really matter. I had to make some major lifestyle changes, like no eating dairy, grains, red meat, having a daily skin routine, learning to sleep in certain positions that don't irritate my skin, etc., but now I have no acne. Also because my diet is so healthy, my body is a lot better as well as my face. It's got a defined bone structure and jawline and everything. You think you'll only get skinny, but you'll become more facially beautiful as well.
- I was similarly socially dumb. Even though I'm about to be a junior in college had only been on a date with one girl ever and that girl asked me out (this was before I started getting acne way back when I was like 14 or so heh) and I have had like one kiss in the past 5 years. You gotta start first by giving yourself reasons to like yourself. At first my reasons were pretty small because I still had some major problems and I would be happy I got out of bed and went to all my classes and took notes and stuff. Later when I solved problems like my appearance and was less nervous about that and went out every day to take care of my responsibilities, I would be happy with myself when I went to the gym to get myself in good shape compared to even the athletic kids. Or I would congratulate myself for talking to the people in my hall and paying them complements. When I was invited to go eat dinner with them it was a huge deal. Learning to like myself made me more positive and consequently made me easier to like.
- Social skills are just like artistic skills or book smarts or writing abilities or video game abilities. You aren't born with them but you get them through practice. People who are socially skilled are people who love themselves and others so they spent lots of time in the past talking to others. If you want to be socially skilled, you have to make a commitment to get yourself out there and really talk to others and get to know yourself and others.
Basically, I can't tell you if you have any hope or not though. If you believe in yourself and are ready to make some major changes inside and outside, you have hope and you'll have hope to do much greater and tougher things. If you read what I wrote and you are thinking "yeah but all that is so hard, is there any other way", well then you may not have any hope. When it comes to changing completely as a person, there are no shortcuts. But also there is no limit to how much you can change. For example Jessica Alba was called "the ugly duckling" by her family when she was young (read her Wikipedia and you'll see why).
Don't let who you are now decide who you are going to be, but rather who you WANT to be decide who you're going to be. If you dream big and work hard, you got hope.