How do I stop being socially retarded?

i am 20 years old and have never had a boyfriend or been kissed because I am socially retarded. I don't know how to talk to people. I am extremely shy and never know what to say. I'm afraid of letting others see my true self because I think they'll reject me. only my true friends understand me. I hate talking to guys because I know very well I am fat and ugly and that guys won't bother with a girl like that. do I have any hope?


Most Helpful Guy

  • OK I have a bunch of assorted thoughts on the subject because I went through a really similar crisis about a year ago:

    - I was skinny but had strabismus (an eye disorder that makes your eyes look very ugly) and cystic acne (the most severe kind of acne out there) so it didn't really matter. I had to make some major lifestyle changes, like no eating dairy, grains, red meat, having a daily skin routine, learning to sleep in certain positions that don't irritate my skin, etc., but now I have no acne. Also because my diet is so healthy, my body is a lot better as well as my face. It's got a defined bone structure and jawline and everything. You think you'll only get skinny, but you'll become more facially beautiful as well.

    - I was similarly socially dumb. Even though I'm about to be a junior in college had only been on a date with one girl ever and that girl asked me out (this was before I started getting acne way back when I was like 14 or so heh) and I have had like one kiss in the past 5 years. You gotta start first by giving yourself reasons to like yourself. At first my reasons were pretty small because I still had some major problems and I would be happy I got out of bed and went to all my classes and took notes and stuff. Later when I solved problems like my appearance and was less nervous about that and went out every day to take care of my responsibilities, I would be happy with myself when I went to the gym to get myself in good shape compared to even the athletic kids. Or I would congratulate myself for talking to the people in my hall and paying them complements. When I was invited to go eat dinner with them it was a huge deal. Learning to like myself made me more positive and consequently made me easier to like.

    - Social skills are just like artistic skills or book smarts or writing abilities or video game abilities. You aren't born with them but you get them through practice. People who are socially skilled are people who love themselves and others so they spent lots of time in the past talking to others. If you want to be socially skilled, you have to make a commitment to get yourself out there and really talk to others and get to know yourself and others.

    Basically, I can't tell you if you have any hope or not though. If you believe in yourself and are ready to make some major changes inside and outside, you have hope and you'll have hope to do much greater and tougher things. If you read what I wrote and you are thinking "yeah but all that is so hard, is there any other way", well then you may not have any hope. When it comes to changing completely as a person, there are no shortcuts. But also there is no limit to how much you can change. For example Jessica Alba was called "the ugly duckling" by her family when she was young (read her Wikipedia and you'll see why).

    Don't let who you are now decide who you are going to be, but rather who you WANT to be decide who you're going to be. If you dream big and work hard, you got hope.

    • Forgot to add that I got eye surgery and after all the changes, I have now been on many more dates with girls ha ha (still no girlfriends yet, I'm looking for the right woman, but I've got options for myself at least)


      Very thoughtful

What Guys Said 45

  • Two things...

    1) People don't wake up one day and suddenly play the piano. They practice, they cramp up, they suffer, and over time they usually get good at it.

    It's easy to sit at home feeling sorry for yourself and pretending that nobody else has ever had to leave their comfort zone, but all you're doing is hurting yourself.

    Instead, you need to do what everyone else that's out and about - you're going to need to practice, practice, practice.

    Know how I started getting good with women and dating? I did what all pickup artists do: I started with baby steps... I forced my self to talk to strangers while shopping. I'd say, "Excuse me, do you know the time?" Then I graduated to, "Hey, do you know if it's supposed to rain this weekend?" And eventually I was making it up, like, "Hey, you look like you have awesome fashion sense... am I supposed to wear a white belt if I buy these white shoes? I want to look normal without looking gay, know what I mean?"

    The more you chat with people the more comfortable you'll get in your own skin.

    2) Your ego is keeping you safe and sound at home. Your ego is killing your social game. It's your ego that's overly concerned that people like you. It compares you to others and judges you for being different. It tells you that your value as a person is based upon how others see and judge you.

    Kill that motherf***er while you're still young. Because if you let your ego rule your life you'll always end up getting walked all over, hurt and dismissed.

    If you had no ego you wouldn't care about such silly things as "rejection" or "embarrassment" because these are just useless worries. Google the ego and see what you can learn about taming the beast. It'll be the best thing you ever did!

    Once you've lessened the pull of you ego you'll come to realize that the only person whose opinion matters is your own. That's it, that's all.

    And if you're not willing to encourage and raise yourself up, why should anyone else.

    We're all in the same game together... we're all worried about everyone else and what they'll think of us.

    It's those who become enlightened enough to go beyond their egos who truly find happiness and peace!

    Good luck butter cup!

    ~ Robby

    My Blog ( link )

  • You do, but you need to change your attitude about yourself.

    I am a rather shy guy, so I can comprehend what you mean when you say you're socially retarded. I would never hold that in itself against you.

    What I would hold against you is if this made you fickle, and you avoided be truthful to guys or just ran from them altogether. You need to be confident about yourself, so that won't happen. Doesn't mean you're just need to realize what you have going for yourself.

    I'm not talking about fake outer's the inner confidence that's important. Ultimately, you will be rejected...maybe several times...and it will hurt. BUT the fact is we all get rejected, and you can't let that change you. This is why you need rock solid inner's not about appearing confident to boys, it's about appearing confident to yourself.

    The most important thing to remember is that boys are more like you than you imagine. We're actually very sensitive, and sometimes emotionally weaker than women are. Every guy has a vulnerable spot, and the only guys who don't get hurt by women are players (because they don't open themselves up)...and you shouldn't be looking for that kind of guy anyway...

    The reason you maybe don't realize this is because guys are taught at a young age that it's not OK to be weak. Our peers mocks us if we show sensitivity, so we hide it, but that doesn't mean it's not there. We do this because we're forced...women aren't forced nearly as much. When you realize the pressure we go through, and that we're really just human beings like you, it should help you to feel more confident to be around guys.

    And's a can use the last fact I gave you to your advantage, because guys are secretly drawn to girls who make them feel confident. Being a hot babe can be a plus or minus in this area -- if he feels his natural charms are the reason he's with such a hot babe, then he'll feel more confident being around her. But if he feels she's out of his league, then his confidence will decrease. And especially if she treats him like crap, he'll end up drifting towards a girl who doesn't. Other ways to make him feel confident are laughing his jokes, flirting or even just being friendly, complimenting him...but also being good at taking compliments, opening up to him and being downright honest about how you feel, acting like you need him, etc. You don't have to do all of these things, but any will help.

  • From a guy who's been in a similar point in my life (I'm still very shy and socially awkward) there is hope, weight is never all that big of an issue, it can be "fixed" with a better diet and exercise, I dropped from 230 lbs to 160 so yea, that's not so big of an issue, you just have to put a bit of effort into whatever you want you can achieve almost anything if you set your mind to it!

    As for FEELING ugly there's a BIG difference between BEING unattractive and FEELING unattractive, many times these two things are confused, and in either case there is always hope, part of appealing to others is having faith in yourself, finding supportive people to surround yourself with is a great start, and finding things about yourself that you really like is another way to help get inspired about being who you are, tell yourself at least one thing each day you like about yourself and one thing you're greatful for, it's a great way to start each day.

    As for social issues, it really depends on how severe it is for you, it could be Social Anxiety Disorder in which case therapy and or medication may be needed, but if it's not that sever you can work on it by starting off small, often times the biggest steps of progress can be made in the littlest of ways. Perhaps start off talking to guys online it's a safer enviornment and can really help you to flourish and blossom socially, don't worry too much about people accepting you as you are, would you rather have friends that appreciate you for who you are, or friends that like who they think you are or in some cases just what they think you can do for them?

    If you want "practice" or any other advice on how to get better with these things and get more confidence and feel as though I might have something with this answer feel free to message me, I'll help as I can. =)

    Best of luck to you and hope everything works out for you regardless of what path in life you choose.

  • First of all you call yourself a princess for life so deep somewhere you must feel your not fat and ugly or want to be perceived as a princess. I looked at your pic and although I can't see it that good you no only are not ugly but look quite beautiful and are clearly thin and not fat at all. But for some very very odd reason you have low self esteem and don't feel good about yourself--I don't know who in your life gave you the impression you're unloveable and not beautiful but that must have stuck in your psyche.

    All I can say sweetie is the ugly image is not true trust me let it go it ain't true you are beautiful. As far as the shy thing most guys like that I do--i can't stand loud obnoxious aggressive girls--if guys come onto you which they will just be open and don't shut them out and run away. give em a chance. plus I find it hard that no guy has ever tried to kiss u.

    and what is it about your true self that will make people run away--i mean really? everyone has there guard up to some degree we all come from dysfunctional families, and burp, scratch our buts, and get blamishes and have I feel fat not so good days

    If you need to talk to and surround yourself with people who make you feel good not people who think your ugly and fat which someone must have told you. see a psychiatrist if you have to if you have social anxiety or take meds for it. I used to years ago for anxiety.

    dont feel bad about not being kissed or having a bf(im sure your not the only girl who hasnt) I would be honored to pucker your hot lips...later hope that advice helped. if you need to talk about your prroblems in the future just ask me anytime

  • How about starting to work out and starting to feel better about yourself? There are quite a few chubby girls out there that give me a boner but they all take good care of themselves, have great haircuts etc. Also it's not that difficult to lose weight if you excercise. It can be really fun too. Just don't expect that you'll loose weight immediatelly and do it for the fun of it. It also lowers the sex-drive, releases endorfins etc. There is no downside to excercise. You're young. You can change you appearance like that *snaps his fingers*. You owe it to yourself to try.

  • theres always hope for anybody. you shouldn't put yourself down like that try to think positive thoughts about yourself. there's a lot of things that aren't easier in life and the things that aren't easier tend to be the things that you want . its understandable that your afraid to talk to people a lot of people are afraid of rejection. if you want to get better at talking to people then step out of your comfort zone and talk to people. start first with people that your aren't so nervous around like old people, or a guy who doesn't look all that good. once you have gotten better from that then you can talk to people who you find attractive. remember one advantage a girl has over a guy, is its the guys job to start the conversation

  • well first maybe the fact only your true friends understand you because they are the only ones that can get to know you. How do you expect to get to know anyone when you socially close yourself off to others so easily? As far as your appearance, I think its insecurity which is normal for a woman, but eventually someone will be interested and will make a move on you.

  • yes you have hope in you be confident in you and your stamina and capacity to satisfy the moods,try and convince.

  • What you are feeling is actually normal and is felt by a lot of people our age.

    What you need to realize is no one will come and look for you, you have to put yourself out there. That's how the mojority of people operate, when they get bored, lonely; ring a friend, visit a friend, get out of the house...

    Don't hesitate going to see other people, don't put of appointments because you can't be bothered.

    Make an effort...

    Also actually don't worry about feeling anxious around people, just be, and relax, don't need to impress people..

    Because sometimes our need to be viewed a certain way causes us to anxious... Just remember a lot of people don't care about the way people look.. e.g if you heard your friend was an addict, you worry about it, but you'll still have fun together.

    Go to friends house and chill there for a bit, join a gym with someone.. MAKE AN EFFORT.

  • Ok well there's two things you can do. One is break out o your shell and try and work on people skills. Talk to people, try working over conversation skills, even if it takes a hundred crappy, awkward conversations. Learn from other people who can hold a good conversation. Being shy is a characteristic that you can change.

    Or you can just be happy with who you are. There's nothing wrong with being quiet, just as long as you're content with your own lie. Learn to love yourself for who you are and what you've got. Everybody gets that person who knows them and loves them just the way they are, trust me. Just because you think you're not a girl that any guy would want doesn't mean that every guy feels that way about you. You'll find someone, but you have to be happy with who you are.

  • I totally understand where your coming from. I haven't had a girl friend, a kiss or really anything because I have horrible social skills. People seem to think one day you can just say I'm not going to be shy anymore and you become a differant person I know that's not neccisarly true. I have tried many times. My best advice to you is to continue hanging out with those friends maybe they can introduce you to a nice guy if you would let them. As for personal appearance I can't really speak I don't know what you look like but if you are overweight there is multiple ways to try and lose weight.

    • Seriously somebody told me that my shyness is something I could work on. He made my shyness sound like a disease and when I confronted him he said, "you don't see books writin about shy people, or shy people becoming movie stars." I think shy people are the most amazing people because they don't always flaunt what they have. I am always going to be shy also and their is nothing wrong with it. I hope none of you think you need to change just because everybody else is so loud and talkative.

  • You have tons of hope. I have social anxiety - I guess you could say I'm 'socially retarded' as well. While I'm still way behind everyone else, I've made some pretty significant progress the past 3 years.

    First of all - stop the 'I know I'm fat and ugly' crap. If you think that way, what are you doing to change it? When you think like that about yourself, you don't give yourself a chance. You start being even more self-conscious. I was the same way but found going to the gym regularly helped out quite a bit. Even a walk/jog outside and getting some sun and fresh air helps.

    The thing that has helped me more than anything is my job. I have a job in retail at the moment. I have to talk to people all the time, I need to answer the phone, troubleshoot for people, try and make small talk - all of that. We have regular customers at our store and after a while you start to get to know them, they get to know you, and that alone can boost your self-esteem - just getting a chance to talk to a bunch of people you like throughout the day at work. When I first started at this job 3 years ago I didn't talk to anyone, my depression was getting worse- I was pretty much useless. But I'm glad I stuck with it, because even though I'm still not great socially now, its SO SO SO much better than it was - not even close.

    So I guess the main thing is practice - getting a job I found is the best way. I use it as therapy and get paid for it. As for my depression and extreme anxiety, I've been on medication as well which has helped a bit. Doesn't cure anything but makes it managable.

  • honestly. your just not confident. at all. obviously.

    you just need to tell yourself, you are who you are. you're beautiful and there ar guys out there who like you. you're just too blind to notice. be yourself. I guarantee someone will like you. :)

  • First: if that pic in your ID is really you, then you are not fat, you are actually very cute!

    Second: you have to think of it this way: it doesn't matter if you are fat and ugly(which you are neither) but if a guy can't except you for who you are then he's not good enough for you. even if you had a boil on your forehead the size of a melon! lol. You are beautiful! Remember that! and to be honest you'll never be truly beautiful till you see yourself as beautiful. There is hope for you! there's all the hope in the world, you just have to see it, you need to be more confident in yourself, don't get me wrong I know that is easier said than done but you gotta work on it. Everyone is beautiful in there own way anyways, you wanna stand out, if you were the same as all the other girls who you think are pretty and get the guys, then there would be nothing different or special about you, in other words youd be "pretty" but plain. no one wants plain or something everyone else has. so see your beauty for what it is. cause its there, we can all see it obviously, lol, but you have to see it. so I hope this has helped you, good luck cutie! and if you ever wanna talk or need someone to talk to, or just want another person to chat to, messege me. ttyl, have a good day!

  • You need more confidence. That might start with losing some weight so you feel better about yourself and stop eating to make yourself feel good. Wear decent clothing and don't dress in a sloppy manner. Wear a little make-up but don't over-do it. Guys love girls with nice hair and a nice smile...even if they are shy.

  • From what I can see (picture is small) you're not ugly at all. I'd say what's up. And be your true self. If people don't like, take or accept you for's their loss. Fuk em'. Move on.

    • Well, don't literally f*** them lol

    • Yeah, you probably shouldn't say stuff like that..

  • your a girl, lack of social skills or conversation skills, ability to talk to people will not hurt you

    • If it doesn't hurt me then why have I never been on a date in my entire life? or had a guy talk to me? ever?

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    • Girls shouldn't ask guys out but that's just co in old fashioned like that it's like girls proposing is not right. I'm like you tho pretty shy but I work in administration so got used to talking to randoms constantly.. If you feel fat start exercising and eat good stuff make goals something to work towards and go out wih friends. I find a drink or two helps wih nerves if your out as well.

    • Why are you against girls initiating?

  • Am twenty and considered myself socially retarded. I have no friends "Am not nearly as mean on the outside world as I am on the internet, just in case someone thinks that's why am alone". Did You suffer and betrayal or been moved around so many times, that any long time friends were lost to U? It's the source of my loneliness and I just want to know is it ur's. For if that's the case, You can do the following

    A. Take Bobair's advice step by step and hope something clicks


    B. Embrace the loneliness as I have and get use to being happy with yourself. Tyler Perry said it best "If You can't be by yourself, what You gonna do with somebody else?"

    • I experience the kind of loneliness from moving around too much... I guess it has reached the point where I can't bother making friends or showing how I am... Blaah, I'm tired, but I don't want to be tired.

  • Your just like me. Except I am very healthy and good looking and have had the opposite mistreatment that you have had. I suggest you change your lifestyle to fit what you want. Or by your late twenties you will... become and angry, hateful, bitter, misogynist like myself. Well maybe you won't hate women. But you'll hate men.

  • Delete your facebook. Get out in public and put yourself out there.

  • I doubt you're "fat and ugly" :\ that's just silly. So many girls think that and they're fine. Usually more ideal than the "skinny" (i.e. the ugly ass models) look and not ugly in the slightest. Realize that you women hold yourselves up to actually more ridiculous standards than we men even do. Those models? Most guys find them actually unappealing because they're too skinny or whatnot. And without their make up man.. they look horrid and unhealthy.

    Focus on what you like about yourself and think how awesome that is. Don't fret if you haven't been with anyone yet, you'll find that right guy. Focus on just trying to make friends and something more will probably come :) it's tough when you're shy, it's generally slower going than others who are more outgoing/loud, but it's still more than capable for any shy person to find friends and more.

  • practice. 3 years ago, I had no friends. now I have tons. thing is with friends, they introduce you to more, and so do their friends. just keep trying. a sense of humor really helps. also, don't try to impress everybody you meet, because you won't. just focus on having fun.

  • Long story short from high school. For my senior prom I could have went with a cheerleader and lost my virginity on prom night. She was a nice, good, caring person; however, I went with my friend who is a really shy nerd who reads nonstop and plays Word of Warcraft. We did not kiss and went just as friends. I knew for a fact that I want to have a relationship with the shy nerd. I was a captain in both football and wrestling in high school and was one of the smart students in my class so I hope this helps to show the point that looks to not matter. An individual can have surgery to change their boobs, butt, stomach, penis, etc.; but in the end you cannot fix chemistry. I hope this helps.

  • your girl, it's easier, that's reality

  • for the most part, a girl with bad social skills is not screwed, a guy with bad social skills is very screwed

    • This is true. Since we're still supposed to start everything.

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    • A girl can be desperate and guys will give her a chance, but if us guys show the smallest sign of desperation, we will never get a girl

    • true to a degree. I've had girls make the first move on me though.

  • well you are sayin you never showed your true self... maybe that is the answer?

  • be yourself! that's all you need. if your shy be shy :D

  • It takes practice to talk to people. You need to talk to guys in social situations and as far as being confident about yourself, well only you can change that.

  • You have to love yourself before someone else can love you. Also, present yourself well so that a guy can approach you. Likewise, if you want to approach a guy, dress well because that's the first impression of you he's going to get. You are not fat or ugly; I'd date you!

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What Girls Said 33

  • I was exactly like you when I was 18. I didn't even get a boyfriend or my first kiss until I was a freshmen in college. I was so shy to where I only talked to a few people. Trust me talking to people only gets easier with time. All you have to do is have the attitude that you don't care what people think. I spent my whole life caring what other people thought about me and I forgot to live life to the fullest every day becasue of it. If people reject you for who you are they are not worth it. People who don't love you for who you are, are people you shouldn't even want to be around. Also it is all about how you carry yourrself and how much you love yourself. If somebodoy see's that you love yourself and are unique they would love you. Try thinking about little things that you love about yourself and keep those in mind when you look in the mirror. I am sure you are a nice person. Just slowly put yourself out there by joining a club or something you love. Your communicating skills will evolve from there. And of course you have hope. Some guy who is worth your time will come by and see how beautiful you are and break you from your shell. You just haven't found the one to break you free from your shyness yet. By the way not all guys like stick figures as girlfriends.

  • you sound like you need confidence. you definitely don't look fat in the picture and you need more positive enforcement and you also need to tell yourself you look fine. and start going out there and talking to guys. have fun and make it a learning experience, use common sense and it isn't that hard to go talk to guys. they're people too.

  • your not ugly but the red lipstick or lip gloss got to go you look way too old for your age with it... now you could whine and bitch (excuse the language) about your weight or you could do something about it - the way life is - its momentous and everything happens at the time its supposed to happen... you can't possibly reason with it but you could hope for better things to come along in the near future and not be negative and everything will be fine... the anonymous user that wrote a 2 page story is right once you start to lose weight you gain confidence and you feel like your on top of the world...your bone structure really changes and no one can possibly recognize you anymore - but it all depends on you on what you want to do so good luck and have fun while you still can and don't worry you'll meet the one meant for you!

  • You have hope. You need some emotional help in the way of professional therapy. I've been there... I was a teen and wasn't pretty because I had horrible acne and overweight. You need to change your outlook and start being positive. Keep dressing up and making an effort. It'll make you feel better about yourself. And always ask yourself, "how can I feel just a little better than I do now?"

    Good luck...

  • one word: confidence

    It can literally make someone more physically attractive when they are confident in who they are. Been scientifically proven

    • Funny, I though confidence was a masculine trait

    • Confidence is a masculine trait? I suppose then you prefer insecure, jealous girls who wouldn't mind dating a sexist douchebag. You probably prefer those types, I'm guessing

  • Are you 20 or 24?

  • Get over the shyness and the rest will fall into place. I used to be horribly shy, I'd be the one standing at the wall at a party. Now I'm much more confident, and make friends easily.

    They way I got past it is really simple. I set myself targets like 'talk to three strangers by the end of the week'. It could be as simple as asking someone the time. You'll get used to interacting with people and that panic of 'oh no, what do I say? Will that sound dumb? Just say something!' will go away. Keep trying until you get relaxed around people, then you can finally act like yourself and have fun socialising.

    It's completely worth it.

  • okay, now I m gonna say a lot of trivial stuff, but trust me it's all true! Well, first of all, you show people what you want to show. You should start with respecting yourself, if you hate yourself like that how anybody else should see that beautiful personality that I am sure you have. So, instead of feeling sorry for yourself, use this energy for making your self-image better.

    Now, about guys. Yes, there are quite a lot retards that are obsessed with girl's appereance. But real girls really don't need guys like that, so don't even bother about it.

    Try asking your friends what is so great about you that they decided to be so close to you. That will help to start noticing all the good thing about yourself. Try changing your dressing style. There is no way there is no appropriate clothes that will enhance the good parts about your body (and don't you dare to say you have none!) and hide more problematic ones. Try using some make up, it will help your self assurance as well.

    About talking to people, there is no other way to master anything but practise. So as much as you want to avoid it, you have to put yourself out there and start socialising. But that is of course you really want to change things, but from the fact you are asking this queston, I guess you do. Good luck!

  • OK, I really think I can help you,so:


    1.First of all ease-up on the make up,try a more natural look,it's way more attractive

    2.Get a new haircut,that kind of change will be good for you,ask your hairdresser what would look good on you

    3.You're not ugly! You have some really nice features! For example:your lips

    4.I can't really see your body but if you're not satisfied excersize,diet,just don't do anything harmful

    5.Dress in cute,flattering clothes


    1.Focus on the positive! Don't search for your flaws,nobody's perfect and there are many people out there who look much much worse than you!When you find yourself thinking: "OMG I'm so fat!" STOP and think: "Hey my hair is really nice!"

    2.Search for your inner beauty,you could be: hard-working,helpful,compassionate,understanding,a good listener,tactful,respectful,polite,full of forgiveness etc.

    3.Now that you know what your inner qualities are,start working on those you wish you had,for example:If you're not very tactful,and wish you were more level-headed,work on that

    4.Don't be jealous of others! There's always gonna be someone more beautiful,smarter etc. Don't hold that against them,if someone's more successful,let it be an encouragement for you to work harder!

    5.Find a way to express yourself! This is best done through a hobby:dance,draw,read,play sports,write stories,do whatever you like,it will boost your confidence,relax you and make you feel great.

    6.Be responsible! Do your obligations on time,this way you'll be less stressed out,you'll get better results and you'll make your parents proud.

    7.Raise your head and smile,walk confidently,this makes you more approachable.

    8.If you don't know what to talk about, google:conversation topics,you'll find some great ones!

    9.Pay people compliments but WARNING:They MUST be sincere,because people see right through insincere compliments and they'll think you have some hidden intentions

    10.And last,but certainly not least:Don't think to much about what others think,If you're self-conscious all the time you're much more likely to do something weird


  • why are you being such a downer! :(

    thats not good at all keep telling yourself this and it will be you.

    go out meet people go to a club there is a lot of drunk people there that talk to strangers!

    it can be male and females just to get you comfortable with meeting new people and talking.

    talk about a subject don't tell them your life story just anything make inside jokes enjoy yourself!

    when people invite you out do you usually say no?

    take every chance ther is to meet someone and don't be shy! chances are if you don't want to you will never have to talk to that person again.

    hope you start talking to guys especially! you will enjoy it! :)

    good luck!

  • I'm 22 and still haven't had an official date. (though, some of the other things through confusing situations...anywho) And have had all the same thoughts you've had: I must be too fat, too awkward, too quiet, too frumpy, (heck) too smart, too (name your adjective)

    One morning I'd wake up, look in the mirror convince myself I'm pretty, then walk past a window and go right back down the negative hole.

    however, I'm improving. and it takes practice practice practice

    first step to learning social skills is getting out of your bubble. Get yourself in situations were you can watch how people interact, then get yourself chatting yourself. You can take babysteps, go out with friends, smaller social gatherings, places of your interests so you have something to talk about that you know about or feel passionate for. Get yourself around people who like what you like, and it becomes much easier to relate and be social around. It takes time, but it is possible.

    People will like you for you, people who don't aren't worth your time. Its really hard to not like someone who is exactly who they are, at the very least respect the fact. No one likes a fake.

    There is hope. but it will come much faster if you push it along a bit :)

  • There certainly is hope. be yourself, th people who don't like you are missing out. get out there start joining clubs and stuff of thing youlike to do.

  • Girl... if you go about with the attitude "i am fat and ugly and guys shouldn't bother", then guess what? guys will see you as fat and ugly and won't bother.

    Sexy is all about attitude, trust me.

    Repeat after me:

    "hey hey hey hey hey, I don't care what b*tches say, I don't even look their way, every time I walk in da club they hatin' on me because they kno I look good, my hair done right and my dress real tight all eyes on me, I took the night!"

    The point here is: CONFIDENCE. Find parts about yourself that you like and accentuate them. Great boobs? Cleavege top. Nice calves? Heels, baby! Great hair? Let it down! And smile a lot.

    If you don't feel too confident about your weight, then lose some of it. Get rid of the clothes that make you look fat and get stuff that will make you look good. Get sexy lingerie, even if nobody will see it--you will feel instantly sexy. The point is, once you will feel good about yourself, your entire posture will change, pepole will notice, and guys will instantly be more attracted to you.

    GOod luck!

  • im totally dorky! I never liked showing my "true self" because I was like you, afraid to be judged. one day I just didn't care and now people find me funny and adorable! lol whatever.. but be yourself, someones bound to like you. you do have friends after all.

  • beauty comes in all shapes and sizes.

    I think you need oto stop wasting your energy hating your body, and love every single inch.


    I've always figured that personal grooming& dressing nice always makes a person happy.

    &ive never been kissed either. :) you'll be just fine.

    && they are plenty of guys who love curvy girls& look for their personality.

    cause guess what? looks fade.

  • Pull yourself together woman! You'll find someone, you just need to have more self confience. Enough with this "I'm fat" malarkey. Look at Beth Ditto from the Gossip. Yes, she's often criticised for her weight, loud dress sense and the fact that she's very openly gay, but did she listen to the abuse? No. She stuck two fingers up at it and kept going. Now she's a famous singer with a great voice and is considered a style icon. Weight shouldn't be something that prevents you from living your life! It's all in your head. I suggest you let others see your true self and, if people are going to hate or try and knock you, just ignore them and carry on having fun.

  • be friend with positive people.

    Someone that not shallow minded by picky at friend.

    Someone who says positive about you.

    first of all, you have to change your mind set.

    Stop thinking bad about your self.

    try to compliments your self in each positive things you done.

    If you don't like your self, how people could do :)

    hope it works

  • Omg your not fat and ugly. Society has drilled in our minds we have been perfect and nonflawless. If I were you, I go to some groups or hang out place. Try talking to the other, make small talk about whether it going on. Like if it's a cooking class, be like that looks good, have you been to any other cooking classes in town, etc..

  • why don't you ask a guy out for once?

    • She doesn't have the balls =))

    • Agreed, it's time for women to "man up", after all, the word "woman" has the word "man" in it

  • Hey if a person doesn't like your personality there's really nothing you can do. I mean in any relationship you have to change something for your partner but you don't have to change your entire self! I'd also like to say that hell yeah there is hope for you. No one is ugly, everyone has something pretty about them. If you think your fat, eat better and work out. If you think your ugly, look at what you think is pretty and express it. Like I think my eyes are my best feature, so when I do my make up I express them more with complementary colors and such. Because of the shape of my face I grow my hair long to make it seem more petite and such. But above all else, don't do something if it doesn't feel right doing it. Having a whole bunch of guys at my doorstep might make me feel a little pretty, but wearing revealing clothing and being a whore would just make me uglier. Besides, guys like a genuine girl ;) good luck and keep on the brightside ^.^

  • Yes you have hope. Quit feeling bad for yourself and start talking to people. It may be hard, but your not a kid anymore. There may be a handful of idiots who are still going to have the same ideas they had back in high school, but for the most part once you get to a certain level a maturity everybody should be a perspective friend. You just need to start talking.

  • Hey always remember it is the inside that counts and if a boy can't see that then he really isn't worth the trouble. You will find someone someday so don't give up hope!

  • I'm sure you are not as fat and ugly as you think!

    Even so, just keep in mind that guys often are not making the move not because of you're appearance, but because you are not giving them signs that they can approach you. Because guys are expected to make the first move, its your job to show them it's safe. Everyone hates rejection.

    To do that you need some confidence :0

    And you need to remind yourself sometimes that while it's embarrassing to flirt and get nothing out of it, you need to deal. Get past that shame, the embarrassment will pass. Get used to putting yourself out there, even though it's terrifying. Force yourself, it takes a lot of discipline. Like forcing yourself to do homework or work out or something - if you don't, nobody can motivate yourself but yourself, and it's no one else's fault.

  • I guarantee you, that someday, you will just happen to run into a man who understands you just as much (or even more) than you do yourself. Life is just like that. Up until my junior high years, I was too, socially retarded. For some reason, I had just started to do things differently. I don't know at all, what brought me to it, but I started to boost my confidence little by little. Wearing things that make me stand out a little more, smiling and laughing more, bringing out the humor I had also kept to myself and close friends, wearing makeup, etc. Not saying that appearance is everything (because it definitely is not), but it can do wonders.

    Guys are generally attracted to girls who are welcoming, which is probably why you haven't had a lot of experience with guys yet. I doubt that it has anything to do with that you look like, because if you keep telling yourself that you're fat && ugly, then you start to make yourself believe it. You know what I mean? The best thing I can tell you, coming from someone who used to be SO incredibly shy, is to learn to warm up to a person. Even still, I'm not great with people I just meet. I sort of 'break the ice' with something funny so say! From then on, things are easier. Especially when you're happy!

    Start off with things small, like smiling at somebody when you walk by them--you never know--you could have just made somebody's day. :) I truly hope this helped!

  • Just be yourself ; and there IS a person hand made for you out there. Like I said, be your self and if they don't like it , they obviously aren't meant for you. (:

  • Aww you do have hope just believe in yourself and practise with bartenders, flirting takes practise. Hope this helped

  • All the things you just came out of my sisters mouth.

    She said she's afraid for people to get to know the real her because she's afraid they'll reject her.

    Me and her are complete opposites.

    I'm super bubbly, if I don't know someone I make a point to talk to them, I'm myself no matter what.

    &&there have been people that hated me just because they wanted to. They couldn't give a good reason why, they just did. It's life and you're going to find A LOT of people like that. Yeah I know, it sucks but you don't want to be friends with people like that anyway. So remember, always be yourself. Don't shape who you are based on what other people want you to be. Rejection will always be a part of your life, &&&everyone else's.

    I'm sure you're not fat. But if you have a problem with your body, going to the gym will just make you feel so much better about yourself just because you know you're doing something about it.

    I hope you do realize that you're completely awesome, and people out there will appreciate you for who you are. Just give them a chance(:

  • honey, I just got out of a five year relationship with a guy that started off as my best first I didn't think he would give me the time of day cause hell he was the most popular boy in my class back when we were together in highschool, GUYS LOVE CONFIDENCE.start a quick diet eating protiens like lean ground turkey and vegetables and keep your calorie count down to at least 1000 calories a will be on the road to rapid weight loss.It worked for basically fool proof, you just have to get your cardio up[running, walking] and BE DEDICATED.but our reasons for splitting up were way off base..but this advice should help!

  • I know how you feel, I am not all that shy, but I am pretty insecure about my weight and I actually avoid boys because of that, is like that saying "if you don't love yourself who will".

    As I don't love myself physically I won't expect anybody to do it, so I will work harder on losing weight because I know that's my barrier and I am much older than you, so I feel that ii don't have much time less...However I could work out like a maniac and be like Demi Moore, so who knows...

    So if body is the issue work on that, you are pretty young there is still time and hope

    Good luck

  • You need to be confident in yourself and stop worrying about what people will say or think. No risk, no gain.

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