I need to focus on myself and get my life back on track.

My girlfriend or ex-gf now, broke up with me 2 months ago... since then, my mind is fixed on her almost 24/7. I need to focus on myself and get my life back on track. Since she was/is my first love... I'm not sure how to do this.

so any advice is welcome!

Updates:
She wants to remain friends and has showed she really cares about me that way... I want to 2 but I first need to get over her!
oops
 

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  • MIght be hard to get over her if your going to still be around her. Maybe you need to get out and do your own thing for awhile then meet up later on down the road and connect.

    • Yup I know, and she knows. We live 2 hours from each other by train. So the chance that we run into each other on coincidence are luckely extremely low :)

  • The first thing is to realize what the relationship was to you. Its hard to move on because she was your first. And if its someone you truly loved it will be hard to move on regardless. But in this case... take the relationship for what it is... and experience. In this case, realize that while its ending in the sense of a "serious relationship," this is good experience for your next one. Learn why she broke up with you, and how your next relationship can be better and build off of this. Also, be happy she broke up with you, because you don't want to be with someone who doesn't truly love you with everything they have. Would you really wanna be temporarily happy... just to find out they're miserable after a while of being with you? She's saving you more heartache now than later. Furthermore, because of this, you'll be able to appreciate the next girl whom you fall in love with much more.

    Next, just realize it will take time. Its not something that happens over night, so even if you don't feel like progress is being made, just take it easy, and be patient.

    The final part is the hard part. She wants to be friends... so that's your call. I don't know why? I suppose you guys broke up on good terms? Or is she just being nice about the break up but doesn't really have intentions of being friends? Either way... limit contact with her. The more you're with her, the harder it may be to get over her... simply because you'll read everything you do together as "is there still hope for us?" or "is she not over me yet?" Learn to say "no" sometimes when asked to hangout or something. Don't let her use you because you feel bad and will do anything to get her back. That kind of manipulation tears people apart with no positive results. Don't do things trying to get her back, just be friends. Don't try to hold her hands or even hug her. If you want to move on, then you have to take initiative to do what it takes. If she initiates the hug, then assume its a "friendly good bye hug" or what not, but it should never be more than that (i.e. hand holding or a kiss).

    So in essence, time, understanding of the situation, and responsibility to respect your current friendship with her as "just friends." Good luck, hope all goes well.

    ~Ramon

    • thanks :)

    • Well... if she isn't into you and doesn't want to be more than friends... then I wouldn't make much effort to get pass "just being friends." So I'd agree with you on not putting much energy... however... if it were the other way around, and she did like you, and you still liked her like that... I'd say any chance of getting back together (even if not big) is still a chance worth putting effort into. But either way, hope all goes well, just be you, be friends, let life take its course.

    • btw she says she doesn't love me the way she did... just as friends. She used to be crazy about me so it's hard to unjderstand. And I still want her back... I'm just not going to put any energy in it because the chance we will actually get back together isn't big. So if it happens, it happens, if not. I'll be her friend. And I'm already past the point where I'd think she still likes me.

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