How do I stop being so intense?

I take everything to heart. I get upset so deeply and it's unhealthy I know. When someone is upset with me over something that is trivial, I take it deeply to heart and feel very guilty. When someone hurts me, I feel so much hurt.

I see people around me taking things lightly and I wish I could do the same. Any techniques or valuable advice?


Most Helpful Guy

  • Yes this is linked to self esteem or low self esteem to be exact. Their are techniques to improve this. Often your own self is blowing everything out of proportion. Firstly remind yourself that everything is not about you, people are usually more concerned with themselves than anyone else! Secondly acknowledge that you cannot please everyone, accept this (flaws and all) and you will worry less about what people say about you. And thirdly stop predicting or mind reading what people say/think (this is common in low self esteem). If somebody is upset over something trivial write down what they are upset about, what evidence/reason do they have to be so and what evidence/reason YOU have imagined they might be. Compare the two and notice whether it is your 'self' blowing everything out of proportion. Lastly if they are genuinely upset come up with a solutiion ie what you can do to remedy the situation and follow through with it. Hope this helps (I have recently been working on a module about self-esteem for my psychology degree so I'm interested to know how this relates to you)

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      Thank you for answering, but I believe you went offpoint on my question. I don't suffer from a low self-esteem. Maybe I didn't describe my situation quite well. I do take things to heart meaning that I feel angry, sad, happy, excited or whatever more than the norm. I am emotional and I tend to exaggerate my emotions. I am a perfectionist too which tells you that I do exaggerate. Ya know?

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      Well self esteem is manifested in a number of attrubutes including perfectionism! Perhaps you do not have low self esteem per-se but extreme emotions (anger, sadness, excitement) all stem from the need to please other people or feel accepted, which in turn stems from self-esteem. However I'm not going to prescribe you to have something when I don't know you but what you can do is acknowledge your feelings are coming more from your perception of the event rather than the event itself!