How do I get a shy guy to talk to me?

So this guy who sits in front of me in history thinks I'm cute (according to his best friend) but the problem is that he's really shy. Being the awkward person that I am, I have no idea how to start a conversation with him casually. Help?


Most Helpful Guy

  • From a shy guy,

    -Try to find common ground and talk about it, and if he likes something you don't then do not look down on him for it, even if its a "deal breaker" for you. If you're open to giving it a try it might be fun for both of you and let him open up. His friend may be a wealth of information for discussion. Maybe studying or working on one of your assignments together, ask him if he can help you out. It might be easier for him to say yes to that then entering an open situation like study group or coffee. He might feel good about tutoring you as it would create a framework for the situation for you to talk to each other.

    -If you know his best friend, see if he will be your wingman. See if he will double with you and your friend in doing something he(or both of you like). I opened up around people I was comfortable with in situations I was comfortable; for example, I never liked being shoulder to shoulder in a bar when first meeting someone.

    -You may not end up together so if it turns out your not interested, try and go easy on him but make it clear.

    -You might have to be patient, a little alcohol never hurt anyone either.


What Guys Said 32

  • "Hey, Hi, I'm stardazzleblonde."

    You'd be surprised at how well that works.

    Talk to him about whatever might be a common interest.

    "What do you think of JJ Abrams directing the new Star Wars movies?"

    "What species do you think Kim K is going to have? Alien?"

    "Who are you rooting for in the Superbowl?"

    Just get him talking. The more you talk to each other, the more comfortable you'll be with each other.

  • Well for starters, if that is you in your profile then the main thing is keep doing what you're doing because you are hot. And secondly, it is quite easy to start a conversation. Just tap him on the shoulder, give a note with your phone number on it, and then ask if he wants to go have coffee sometime and then bam, he will say yes (because of thing number 1) and just talk to him about whatever

  • I'm an extremely shy guy as well so I feel I can add some persepective to this too. If he's as shy as me, he's probably too shy and intimidated to approach you, so if you're interested in him you'll have to initiate contact. Just start up a casual conversation, ask him about his interests, tell him about yours, and provide him with an opening to ask you out at some point. He's shy, but not completely ignorant. Chances are, if he's interested in you, he's constantly trying to figure out how to talk to you, but doesn't know how, which results in him not talking. I do the same exact thing. If you're interested in him, try to be patient, drop some subtle hints, and if all else fails, ask him out. There's no shame in it, my first girlfriend asked me out because I was too nervous around her lol and we had an amazing relationship. Good luck :)

  • Hmm I think I would go for something simpler on initiating a conversation. Just ask him something about that history class (it does not even matter if you do know what you ask, just be sure that he knows about it) and then you may continue like "how do you like this class?", etc. Don't complicate things :)

  • aw well he's quite the lucky guy!

    I think just being supportive/encouraging if he decides to speak to you, will help him build his confidence. Smiling and showing that you're interested in the conversation, helps alot. If he's really shy then perhaps you should be the one to break the ice with him. You could say hi and immediately follow up with a question regarding to the class, an observation or an opinion.

    You don't have to do a whole ton, the little things you do will add up (I think) and hopefully he'll control his nerves and make a move.

    thinking that things are awkward only makes it worse for both of you. You attitude towards what's going on between you two is not as discrete as you think.

  • Play coy but assertive.

    Hey so your friend says you think I'm hot.

    I think your interesting and I think we should hang out like a date.

    What do like to do

    Sounds great meet you there ill wear something sexy.. wink wink

  • honestly I use to be shy alot..not anymore XD but a lot of the women I did hang with always had a hobby we shared together,whether it was an album that just came out drinking but no girlie stuff I shy guy will not bite has to be something balanced in between you two

  • Small talk about the class. Some shy guys will open right up once ice is broken. You can be awkward, sometimes that shows your interested. Shy people tend to be more shy the more they like someone.

  • Have you talked with him at all already? Like, do you know each others' names?

    • No, I've only ever asked him about homework. the reason I know what I do about him is because both of our best friends share the class with us and my best friend is VERY out going

  • You don't make anyone do anything, you take the initiative.

  • "pretty large pencil you got there ;)"

  • Oh my goodness! I have this same problem. I sit in front of a girl in one of my classes and I want nothing more but to talk to her. I'll think of things to say but then I'll get to class and it'll be super awkward because everyone is quiet. And since I have to turn around to talk, it's like she can never initiate conversation if she wanted to unless she like poked me in the back or something.

    Here's my advice. One thing to do is to talk about the class you're in.

    "Hey, how did you do on that last test? It was killer wasn't it?"

    Get his attention early as he walks into class or something of that nature.

    Get better with small-talk and work your way up. He'll probably be thrilled that you say hi to him every day.

  • talk about yourself. I know you girls love talking so talk about something you like and maybe ask his opinion on something. You'll just have to keep talking maybe not necessarily asking a bunch of stuff about him cause that might overwhelm him but just general stuff like current events. The idea is just to show some interest a little bit at a time and be friendly and get him to open up to you. If he feels comfortable with you he'll talk to you. I'm probably not much help, it's been a long day but hopefully I helped a little bit and gave you a serious answer:)

  • Maybe ask about something related to class at first? saying ANYTHING breaks the biggest patch of ice...then maybe make one comment or so and build on that

  • u don't just be your self and just say hello ever now and than and its his choice to talk if not don't worry he will talk to you when he wants to talk

  • Collect information on him. See if he looks at you and observe his body language. The girls I talk to just asked me anything and everything. Usually girls ask me where I got my contacts or about my clothes. It usually doesn't matter though. What you're talking about isn't important. Just ask him his name and I'm sure he'll be happy you're talking to him and you'll both go from there.

  • Hint study buddy :) that will work. This was the same thing was with my girlfriend. But now she is open and no longer shy with me. I mean she is shy knowing people, but once she gets to know you she ain't stopping.

    Anyways, study buddy will work. It will open him up and eventually during the study yall will want to go out and eat lunch :)

  • Hi, usually about does it...

    If you're too afraid to even start with "hi" then just have your friend do it or settings are usually easier any way

    • I agree with this - from experience! A girl used to look into my eyes when ever we used to cross paths in our school and she always said "hi" (we had no classes together and no mutual friends and absolutely no back history) ...eventually I finally came round (being the introverted and very shy guy that I am) and actually took the first step in talking to her; if I remember correctly I think I complimented her on her pick up style :)

    • Yet I still don't get best answer

  • Shy people love it when cute girls ask them questions; it makes them feel interesting, helps them break out of their shell.

    But that's if he really is shy, he could just think you're cute but not feel the need to talk to you.

    Lots of people think I'm shy cause I don't talk much, but I just have nothing to say to them.

    Either way, if you're interested, just go up to him and ask him about himself, then later just do it again, until you're hanging out often, trade numbers, maybe even go out.

    One thing is for sure, you can't WAIT for him to talk to you.

  • You women are wimps. Just ask him out.

    Equality is what you want. Equality is what you get.

    • I will keep that in mind when I feel ready to ask him out, right now I just want to get to know him scince we are strangers to each other currently

    • I did that once to a shy guy and he avoided me. Thanks but it can suck when you chase.

    • QA - Well don't ask him out then, say hello? How are you doing?

      htarmort14 - It was the rejection that sucked, but yes. Chasing sucks too. Everyone is equal though, right?

  • You'll just have to start the conversation. If he is as shy as I was (and still kind of am) he probably won't take the risk. Trust me, he won't know what to say either. It will be awkward the first time you guys talk no matter what, you just have to get it over with.

    The key with shy people is persistence. Just have nice, normal conversations every time you see him until he is comfortable and confident enough to carry the conversation and look you in the eyes. After that you can flirt with him a little, just don't be too aggressive until you know he is ready.

    Don't worry about being put in the friend zone or anything like that. A shy guy would NEVER frieindzone a girl he thinks is cute.

  • You can see you just like I can right? You're super cute. Some shy guy who can't work up the nerve to approach you himself would likely be absolutely elated that you decided to be forward with him and go against traditional gender roles. Just walk up to him and tell him you think he's cute too. It's simple, but it will work.

  • being a shy guy myself. just smile and be friendly to him.. no cold should "play hard to get" kinda thing.

  • You are wasting time, if you think he is worth it, go for it and initiate a conversation. What can you lose?

  • hi! girl! I find that the guy have already feeling with you ,but I think you had better restrained.and you can have dinner first! or a movie!

  • 1. Don't tell him you found out that someone told you about him saying you are cute. That's a good way to scare him because he will feel guilty and embarrassed due to that clearly being a secret. Wait until you two really know each because you try something like that.

    2.Just talk with him like you would anyone else just start a small chat like talk about the class or your day. Don't talk about anything negative one of the worst things you could do when talking to shy people is talk about something negative.

    3.Don't try to boost up your sex appeal or try to make yourself to appear even more pretty at first. What I mean don't boost your good looks more to get his attention. A shy guy will more likely get more shy if he see you are really really attractive. Be your everyday self but don't try to go above and beyond for him.

    4.Become friends with him first don't go into the dating thing. He will open up if you give him time.

    5.I'm also somewhat shy maybe not as shy as him but you should at least take some of my advice. lol

    • How much time to give to a guy?

    • There's no accurate time I can give you. The best way to start opening up to him is when act really comfortable around. Like his shyness goes away and he talks to you a lot

  • a girl doesn't have to do much to break the ice as compared to what a guy does

  • kick him in the balls with sexy feet.

  • Just say hi and talk to him

  • Tell him that he better start talking to his new girlfriend b4 she breaks up with him. When he gets a bewildered look upon his face point to yourself, smile and say duh

  • More from Guys

What Girls Said 2

  • A simple "Hey, how's it going?" is often quite an effective convo starter, just try to find something in common to talk about or ask him to help you out with something, just have a normal convo

  • Message him on Facebook or get his number and text him. I'm shy and when I'm talking to people I don't know that well and still feel shy around (especially someone I like) then I feel more comfortable doing it through fb or text first until I get to know them better. It just makes me less nervous, and then there's no awkward pauses and I don't have to try to think of what to say to the person I barely know. If you don't have his number and one or both of you guys don't have a fb, then tell him that you need help with something for the class and then ask for his number. Text/message him and ask a question about class, then when he answers say thanks and then say something about the class. You could talk about how hard it is, how boring your teacher is, how scary your teacher is, bring up a funny time in class, or anything that could start a conversation. With this, you could bring up other stories. Like if you guys are talking about how weird your teacher is then you could tell him about another weird teacher you have/had and share a funny story, and then maybe he'll have one to share too. I think that's the best way to start a conversation casually. Then you just have to try to keep it going. Ask him questions about himself so you get to know him, and respond with something about yourself too so he knows you better too and will know what to talk about with you. Try to find a common interest and talk about it. At school, try to be friendly and warm towards him. If you act too out there or bubbly/loud, it could make him feel uncomfortable. Smile at him, laugh when he says something funny, let him know that you enjoy talking to him. There are different reasons why a person can be shy. I think I covered: feeling uncomfortable, not knowing what to talk about, and insecurities so far. Keep those in mind when you talk to him so you don't make him feel less shy. Maybe compliment him on his shirt or something too so he feels more confidant about himself. He's also more likely to compliment you if you compliment him first. And if he doesn't talk to you in person right away, don't worry, just wait. Depending on how shy he is or how comfortable you make him feel, he might have to get to know you better through messaging/text first until he talks to you in person more. If you see him around school, say hi to him and smile so he can gradually get more used to being around you and to talking to you. Also try joining his conversation with his friend. I feel more comfortable when I'm around my friends, so if I meet someone while I'm with my friends, I'm more likely to be open to that person and less shy. That might work with him too, so join their conversation so he'll continue talking and feel less nervous.

    • My eyes lol

    • Show All
    • Well, it's better than the guys who told her to strip or stick her hands in his pants...

    • so true girl