A good friend said I would be "too good for him." WHY?

I have this guy friend who I have been really good friends with for 11 years now. We always make each other laugh, are always very honest with each other, and we just seem to get along great. I had a crush on him back in high school, then did not see him much through college (I lived 2 hours away), but now I get to see him more often again and the feelings came back. His mom absolutely loves me and always calls me her "daughter in law." I always knew we had chemistry, but nothing ever happened. I recently talked to him and jokingly told him that I had a crush on him in high school, just to see how he reacts. He basically said "You are too good for me, I would never measure up to you. It would make me feel like sh!t to be with a girl who is so much better and smarter than me, it would make me look like a loser." And I know he was saying this sincerely, we are not boyfriend/girlfriend and so it's not like he had to say something to nicely get rid of me. I tried to explain to him why I like him and why I don't think I'm better than him in any way, but it didn't help... He still thinks I walk on water and is too intimidated by it to start anything. This got me thinking that maybe other guys think like that too, and I have been told by a couple guy friends before that guys must find me intimidating. Yes, I have a great job, excellent education and currently going for my Masters, and I can honestly say that life has been kind to me in what I was able to accomplish. But now I feel like all of the things I worked so hard for my whole life seem to be ultimately making me miserable, because no guy wants to be with me or will even give me a chance. I have a super low self-esteem when it comes to my looks, as I am a bit overweight, and I always thought that's what was pushing all the guys away (and maybe it does push some away). But I was completely shocked to learn that they are pushed away by my accomplishments and intelligence. What can I do to change that without "dumbing myself down?" How do you convince someone that you don't see them as someone "below" yourself? I am tired of being alone because I'm apparently "too good" for someone :( HELP!


Most Helpful Guy

  • Hmm don't feel bad, or feel like you were in anyway lucky, you worked hard your whole life like you said to get where you are, that's a good quality to me, I don't care about how much money a girl has, her job, car or whatever, & weight isn't a problem for be granted I'm attracted to her and she's a kind & sweet person, that's what really gets to me.

    Have anther heart to heart with him, maybe tell him some of the things you mentioned in your question, if you don't care about his fiancial status and such, which seems to be the reason he's intimidated, explain to him that doesn't matter to you, and you feel you two have chemistry and that's all that matters, you like him for him.

    • Report

      Thanks for the reply, I am glad there are guys out there who can appreciate a woman's hard work and intelligence rather than pushing her away because of it. I had the convo with him many times to explain that I only care what kind of person he is, not where he works or his social status. I think because he knows me so well though, he really does know about all my achievements. And I guess it doesn't help that his mom thinks (and verbally expressed) that I'm too good for him :/

    • Show All
    • Report

      Yeah his mom always says things like "Oh I would love a daughter in law like that, you are amazing, but Luke knows that he is not good enough for you." So I think she even facilitates him thinking that way. She said to me once "You know that guys will be scared of you, because they could never measure up to you. Luke realizes that very well, he said once that no girl he knows could even come close to you." At first this made me happy, thinking it's a compliment. But now it seems that it's bad :(

    • Report

      Give him constant reassurance that your into him, and don't care about money or material items.