Can you ever trust again after being cheated on?

My husband of 32 years has cheated on my repeatedly. He says he has not done anything recently, but has stayed in touch with all these women through FB, texting and phone. He says he only loves me and wants to only be with me. Can I trust him? Do I believe him when he tells me he has not had any contact with them within the last 6 months?


Most Helpful Guy

  • --- Reality Check ---

    [ Can I trust him? ] Yes

    [ Should you trust him? ] No

    [ Should I believe him when he tells me he has not had any contact with them within the last 6 months? ] No

    [ Is it expected in a long term relationship ] Yes

    This guy has cheated on you "repeatedly". Move on chica- you've known the guy for 32 years and he can tell you he hasn't done anything in the last 6 months. That leaves 31-1/2 years for him to have screwed everything with a heart beat and two legs (sarcasm-but you get the point)

    If your asking a question like this- it bothers you, but you care about him and want things to work.

    [ Will it work in the future ] No

    [ Will things change or get better ] Unlikely / No

    [ Will there be a day that he realises what he lost ] When you move on.

    I hope things resolve for you and yours, but you don't deserve the heart break. He does.~


    • Well put answer. +1

    • Wow, ArtistBboy you are wise beyond your years. Thank you so much for the really gives me something to think about. Thanks again.

    • I agree well put.

      very smart ;)

What Guys Said 12

  • "Can I trust him?"

    1.If you are talking about his claiming to be clean these days with those women, no way.

    2. If you are talking about he only loves you, maybe. So what were those women to him in the past, "free/low costs prostitutes", or "ego prop ups"? You can ask him that.

    3. If you are talking about his claim that he wants to only be with you, probably. How many women in the world can tolerate a liar like him?

    See if this article helps you in healing your betrayal wounds, if any? link

    • *betrayed wounds*

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    • Thanks authentic. These were ego prop ups, you know validation. I'm going right now to read the article. Thanks again.

    • Not at all. Whatever you do, always keep in mind "my happiness is my responsibility". And, trust, and have full confidence in your gut feelings.

  • the fact that he keeps in touch with them should send up a red flag. I personally wouldn't believe him.

  • You guys have been married for 32 years, how has it been otherwise? If it has been good in other ways and you would have been fine if you never found out about his cheating, then probably these indiscretions mean nothing.

    • But why does he keep doing it? Something must not be right in our relationship. Or he just doesn't believe in commitment.

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    • Dont give up your otherwise good marriage for this treatable psychological problem. Just make sure he treats you well otherwise.

    • Harmless to whom? Are you saying I should just put up with this BS addiction since it's an "illness"? I believe in "for better or worse", but this is ridiculous. I don't believe in the diagnosis of sex addiction....almost giving the person permission to cheat and call it an illness. I don't buy that at all. Sorry.

  • Sweetheart, it is never too late to start again. There are a million guys who would love to have a wife who put such effort into relationships. You and he need to have a serious discussion about your future, ideally with a counsellor. Because you don't want to be with someone when you're 70 or 80 for whom you have no love or respect.

    • Duncan, thanks for the advice. I feel as if it is too late. I've invested too much time to give up on it now. Plus, I don't really know how to start over again. I don't want to be alone...I know that's pathetic, but that's how I feel right now. I've thought about counseling, but don't really know what they could tell me. I feel so stupid for believing him for this long. I'm really not that naive, only when it comes to him. I'm just so confused right now.

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    • That's what so funny about me...I'm completely confidant when it comes to other situations. I have a job in management and I'm very good at it. As far as physical activity, I run daily. I've run several half marathons and am training to run a full marathon this year. I just don't understand why I let him do this to me. I know counseling would probably be a good idea, just really don't know where to find one to go to.

    • You run every day? That's interesting. As for a relationship therapist or counsellor, I found this:

  • There are many things wrong here. The short answer is: no, you cannot trust him.

    He has cheated repeatedly, still stays in contact with them...he will cheat again given the chance...maybe he's a sex addict...

  • How many times have you found out and he apologize? Was this all something that came out at once or did he get caught time and time again?

    This only matters in so far as if he thinks you will allow it to go on again. Of course you don't say you will but he might think that if he cheats you will forgive him again.

    Either way, he is prone to cheating again. He most likely will and that is that.

  • If he's staying in touch with them chances are he's in touch with them. If he loves you. Why would he continue doing anything that would hurt you?

  • i think you should have a right to be worried if I were in your shoes id do the same if a girl cheated on me once or however many times but says she won't do it again id keep a barrier up don't believe him unless he can forsure prove to you his faithfulness or until you can trust him again maybe check his phone time to time when he's not around it may be rude but you just want answers and he should respect that and be like I caused for her to be like this it was my fault now I got to write my wrongs and prove to her my faithfulness or he would be all protective over his property which will raise more flags and hopefully you'll get the answers you want or have been suspicious of

  • Your husband needs to cut all ties if things have to work, if your all that matters as he said then it should be nothing to let go of those girls

  • Not to be mean but FUCK no. that dude is shady. I don't understand that stuff. I have been married for 5 months (not very long) and I am finding out that it is pretty common that married people cheat on each other. WTF. I am so sorry. The guy is lying to you.

    Like someone else stated Can you trust him? YES Should you? Hell no. Sorry I love my life more than anything and I just don't understand guys like that. I am truly sorry!

    • I'm finding out that he has led a completely different life from the one I thought we were leading. I don't understand it either...why get married if it's not a committment. Sounds like you have your head on straight. Good for you. Your wife is very lucky. Wish I could of found someone like you a long time ago. Thanks for the comment.

  • No, he seems to be faltering in the way of trustworthiness and loyalty. Keep a close eye on him; if he asks you about it, tell him that he has to earn your trust back.


What Girls Said 15

  • Yes, you can trust him. Trust him to continue to be the cheater he has always been. It's not like he made a mistake one night while he was drunk. This is a lifestyle for him. This is who he is and what he does, and the sooner you can accept that the sooner you can come to terms with what you want in your life. I have no doubt he only wants to be with you, but that does not mean he will stop living the life that works for him. A lot of confirmed cheaters have no interest in divorcing their wives or being with the other women on a regular basis. They like what their wives provide for them, and they like having their women on the side.

  • Wow! Sorry . You can trust after being cheated on , but not with this one. 6 months no contact? Lie and so that leaves 31 1/2 years of being cheated on. If he loved you he woudn't have cheated repeatedly for the length of your relationship. The only person he was in love with was himself. GO get tested! You trusted him and he took advantage of that , so now do what's right for yourself. Respect yourself and protect yourself. No trust =no relationship.

  • If he can't get out of touch with them he is a liar and a cheater, I would leave the f***er he is not worth it. No one deserves to be treated like that.

  • if he loves you like he says he does, tell him "if I'm the love of your life, you shouldnt need FB and need to talk to them,im alll you should need" but yeah, he's no good forsure.

  • If the man has cheated on you with people from Facebook it is probably for an ego boost. Has he been down on himself lately? Out of work, had any failures? I'm not justifying his actions but that could be why he is doing it. Your words, affection and support should be enough for him. If you feel your marriage is worth saving maybe you could seek counseling. His word alone is not going to build your trust up again. I doubt this is anything you could get over even WITH therapy, that is a long time to have cheated. How did you find out he cheated? Did he come clean because he loves you or did you have to catch him, that's important too. If he told you himself maybe he feels like a low life and wanted to come clean and not have a relationship based on lies. If you caught him I would trust a word of it. You need to find out whether or not he is truly happy or if he has low self esteem. What is he reason for doing all of this? You deserve the truth, and once you have it you can decide where you want to go from there. I like the idea about making a fake Facebook and everything, it sounds like a cool idea, maybe for a boyfriend though I don't think a husband. This guy married you, the games should be over with and by you lieing you look bad then too. I speak from experience because my brother dated this girl for a long time and used to speak to girls online, she found out somehow and made a fake screen name and wanted to meet up for coffee. He told her he knew it was her because of the way she talked and she knew everything he liked. He ended up dumping her because the girls he talked to where just friends, that is all. Obviously your husband cheating isn't "just friends" but if you go looking for trouble chances are you will find it. What if he does want to change but you go and create that profile and pretend to be everything he desires? What are the chances any hot young thing is going to contact your husband who is prob over 45 as well? LOL. Don't worry, once he finds out you're going to leave he will delete his Facebook and never look at another girl again. 35 years is a long time!

  • if he only loved you and only wanted to be with you, he would have. sorry but youve given this man your life and he's stomped all over it. you don't have to give him the rest of your life.

  • I was cheated on by my boyfriend of a year. It wasn't even physical. Just telling her that she was prettier than me, better than me, sat next to her at lunch ( we didn't have the same lunch) text her, all emotinal stuff. I actually think it would have been easier for me if he kissed her instead of all that. I found out through a mutal friend on skype. She told me all the things they had done. I cried so hard. When I was done crying, I text him asking him to come over. I told him I knew and he lowered his head and cried. I'd never seen him cry. He said that he stopeed it. I told him I wasn't sure about us. But when I saw him cry. When I saw how helpless and regretful he looked, I knew I wouldn't break up with him. I love him. I wouldn't let him touch me though, at all. I told him it would be hard, but I would try to trust him again. So slowly, day by day, week by week, we bulit up that trust.

    He cheated on me when we had been dating for 5 months. We are still dating and have been dating for a year and 2 months.

    As for you situation, I don't think he is doing the righ thing to rebuild the realtionship. My boyfriend stopeed all contact with her to show me that he only liked me, your husband still cares about them.

  • sweetie that is a bs move on his part 32 year but he has not contacted them in 6 months. I'm so so sorry to hear this.. Can you trust him I personaly would not. How did you not know?

    • Denial, I guess. I knew but couldn't admit it maybe. I know that is pitiful on my part. I guess my actions enabled him.

  • No, you absolutely cannot believe him. He has betrayed you.

    Here are your options:

    1.) Divorce him and find yourself some happiness - life is too short to be miserable

    2.) Stay with him and play around yourself

    3.) Hire a private eye and have him followed, spied on

    4.) Do nothing

  • Hello, Tiger Woods.

  • my question to you is why stay in a marriage if your husband has cheated on you repeatedly? 32 years is a long time but it is never to let to respect yourself enough to start fresh and find someone who will love unconditionally without be unfaithful. I personally will not have any trust left if he has cheated on you more than one (he doesn't respect you enough to not humiliate you repeatedly) and has them still on Facebook. stay strong and love yourself!

    • Good question...why have I stayed in the marriage for that long? Something I need to think long and hard about. Decisions,decisions.

  • leave him. if he's done it to YOU before then he will do it again

    either that or you MUST go to counseling. I've seen one couple survive after cheating and that's because they went to counseling

  • Keep him on a leash.

    Check his things when he's not home. You have a reason not to trust him.

    • Believe me...I have been checking. In fact that's how I found out most of what I know. I hate having to live this way though.

  • Don't trust him. I think he cheated on you.

  • Im very sorry for that betrayel brought on you. I can't imagine the pain :/ let me tell you exactly what I would do, cause sometimes when you get f***ed over you can't trust someone again just on hope alone. make a fake Facebook,lets say a city that's close to yours,younger girl with fake pictures,choose a sexy petite little number with fatty boobs. write some bologna about her saying " I love older men, who have experience" "im open for just about anything" you know that whole bit. then add your husband, and write him just friendly with a touch of flirtation, if he flirts back, eventually get more into it, see how far your husband will go. I would even buy a real cheap track phone just to see if he wants to text miss faux. and if he wants to meet up id gladly meet him, with his suitcase and possibly some pepper spray. my boyfriend once told me he was at home asleep, I believed him until I started sensing something fishy. So one night when he was 'sleeping' I went to his friends house load and behold look whos parked in the drive way. got in a fight, he hasn't done it since. and trust me I check once in a blue moon. some say I sound like a snoopy bitch, I say if I'm getting stabbed in the back I might as well know what kind of knife it is. good luck!

    • That is a great way to try and figure out if your husband is cheating. There would be no denying it if you caught him that way. Thanks for the idea.

    • No problem. Good luck :)