If he likes me I don't see why he wouldn't wanna be with me?

so we were talking for a couple months then he said he wanted to be friends cause he doesn't like relationships, but then we kept hooking up and he would take me out and he acted like he likes me so I figured we were somewhat talking again. 4 days ago I asked him what we were and he said he doesn't know what to say right now and he'd talk to me about it tomorrow. the next day I asked him what the deal was and he ignored it and asked me to dinner and a movie for valentines day. last night I decided to end things because if he couldn't give me an answer then why am I wasting my time waiting around. he said he doesn't want a relationship and he liked me just as a friend though, then he said he likes hanging out with me and thinks I'm attractive. my immediate thought was he's using me because he knows he can get stuff from me since he knows I like him. today he said he hates relationships because he's not a complicated guy and he enjoys hanging out with me and the last thing he wants is for me to think he's using me so he just wants to be friends..but then he said he's a guy obv he likes me if he's still hanging out and talking to me. I really do like him but is there something sketchy about this situation I'm not getting? I never asked him for a relationship I don't want one either but does that really make sense that he's not a complicated guy and that's why he doesn't want a relationship? do you think there is anything I can do to change his mind? if he likes me I don't see why he wouldn't wanna be with me?

Most Helpful Guy

  • He's being a little girl (no offense) about it..

    You know the thing some girls go through? When you start dating, both people are into each other, but someone isn't "ready" yet?

    Well, this is his guy version of that.

    Sure, he likes some aspects of you, but not enough to want you completely. What his actions & words are basically saying is..

    "You're fun to hand around with, and not ugly or, pretty enough for sex to be enjoyable with, and maybe we also have great fun sex too, who knows? But I don't see anything more there. That's not to say that there isn't anything more there. It's just to say that "I" don't see it. Or if I do see it, I just don't value it enough to want it; hence why I wouldn't be motivated enough to be in a relationship with you"

    It's actually good you found out this way.. if you want to look on the bright side of things..

    Think about the alternative..

    You guys aren't having sex, or being more emotionally intimate with each other. This goes on for 3-6 months, until you feel you're ready. You both start having sex, and emotionally/romantically intimate. You think, oh yes! Patience has paid off, I'm finally in the great relationship I've always wanted to be in. I didn't do anything too soon, and didn't ruin something good before it had the chance to start.

    Months later, after your feelings for him have REALLY developed & grown, his true emotions (or lack thereof) for you become evident. He doesn't feel naturally motivated enough to stay with you anymore, so you guys end up breaking up, (and just imagine the heartbreak & pain then! unless you're a fan of drama & negative attention; then this might be something you're already chasing after)

    Not only is there heartbreak. You've just WASTED half a year or more of your life!

    At least now, you've had some fun, you've enjoyed some good times together, you've experienced the depth of his emotions, and feelings of affections towards an other person romantically; and you only parted with less than a month of your time on this earth to realize that there was nothing there!

    That means, more time for you to find someone who actually either DOES see the value that you have to offer, so that he wants you completely (not just in parts), so that he can naturally want to start, be in, and stay in a relationship with you. Or, someone who sees the value in you, and appreciates it.

    Don't let guys like that hurt you.

    He's young, he's immature, he has a world of options & potential ahead of him; he just has no idea what he wants in his life right now. Guys like this are bored & confused. A relationship with him would suck anyway, since all he would care about would be himself. Anything that's important to you, what you need & want, would be completely ignored. And if you would try and fight back and ignore what's important to him, he would just leave and find someone else.

    It's not a relationship that has any long-term potential; simply because he sounds selfish & can't care for others yet

    • What you said was really INTERESTING, & sounds like a lot of situations, & you wrote it VERY WELL... Thing thing is, 'little girl' Well, I think that guys & girls are both stuck in that mind set ALL the time.. Some people jut push thru it - I think you even mentioned that, above.

      But everyone feels this wy at some point, & I am sure you have had that experience, but both genders do have that experience... I have know lots of guys who do that, & I used to think it was a GUY THING. lol

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    • Doesn't mean he doesn't CARE about you.

      If you think about it, how much can a girl genuinely & honestly care about a man who has so much value to offer her? How much of her emotions are motivated by seeing him as able to offer her what she needs & wants.. and how much are honestly because of who he is as a person?

      IMO, because the guys don't really need or want a girl for any value she can add to his life, even if it's weak attachement, it's honest & genuine emotional attachement..

    • WOW this response is brilliant. I'm in a similar situation as the original asker, and this helped me so much. I wouldn't want to waste my time on a guy who isn't willing to commit, just to realize none of it was worth it. Thank you for this!