If he likes me I don't see why he wouldn't wanna be with me?

so we were talking for a couple months then he said he wanted to be friends cause he doesn't like relationships, but then we kept hooking up and he would take me out and he acted like he likes me so I figured we were somewhat talking again. 4 days ago I asked him what we were and he said he doesn't know what to say right now and he'd talk to me about it tomorrow. the next day I asked him what the deal was and he ignored it and asked me to dinner and a movie for valentines day. last night I decided to end things because if he couldn't give me an answer then why am I wasting my time waiting around. he said he doesn't want a relationship and he liked me just as a friend though, then he said he likes hanging out with me and thinks I'm attractive. my immediate thought was he's using me because he knows he can get stuff from me since he knows I like him. today he said he hates relationships because he's not a complicated guy and he enjoys hanging out with me and the last thing he wants is for me to think he's using me so he just wants to be friends..but then he said he's a guy obv he likes me if he's still hanging out and talking to me. I really do like him but is there something sketchy about this situation I'm not getting? I never asked him for a relationship I don't want one either but does that really make sense that he's not a complicated guy and that's why he doesn't want a relationship? do you think there is anything I can do to change his mind? if he likes me I don't see why he wouldn't wanna be with me?


Most Helpful Guy

  • He's being a little girl (no offense) about it..

    You know the thing some girls go through? When you start dating, both people are into each other, but someone isn't "ready" yet?

    Well, this is his guy version of that.

    Sure, he likes some aspects of you, but not enough to want you completely. What his actions & words are basically saying is..

    "You're fun to hand around with, and not ugly or, pretty enough for sex to be enjoyable with, and maybe we also have great fun sex too, who knows? But I don't see anything more there. That's not to say that there isn't anything more there. It's just to say that "I" don't see it. Or if I do see it, I just don't value it enough to want it; hence why I wouldn't be motivated enough to be in a relationship with you"

    It's actually good you found out this way.. if you want to look on the bright side of things..

    Think about the alternative..

    You guys aren't having sex, or being more emotionally intimate with each other. This goes on for 3-6 months, until you feel you're ready. You both start having sex, and emotionally/romantically intimate. You think, oh yes! Patience has paid off, I'm finally in the great relationship I've always wanted to be in. I didn't do anything too soon, and didn't ruin something good before it had the chance to start.

    Months later, after your feelings for him have REALLY developed & grown, his true emotions (or lack thereof) for you become evident. He doesn't feel naturally motivated enough to stay with you anymore, so you guys end up breaking up, (and just imagine the heartbreak & pain then! unless you're a fan of drama & negative attention; then this might be something you're already chasing after)

    Not only is there heartbreak. You've just WASTED half a year or more of your life!

    At least now, you've had some fun, you've enjoyed some good times together, you've experienced the depth of his emotions, and feelings of affections towards an other person romantically; and you only parted with less than a month of your time on this earth to realize that there was nothing there!

    That means, more time for you to find someone who actually either DOES see the value that you have to offer, so that he wants you completely (not just in parts), so that he can naturally want to start, be in, and stay in a relationship with you. Or, someone who sees the value in you, and appreciates it.

    Don't let guys like that hurt you.

    He's young, he's immature, he has a world of options & potential ahead of him; he just has no idea what he wants in his life right now. Guys like this are bored & confused. A relationship with him would suck anyway, since all he would care about would be himself. Anything that's important to you, what you need & want, would be completely ignored. And if you would try and fight back and ignore what's important to him, he would just leave and find someone else.

    It's not a relationship that has any long-term potential; simply because he sounds selfish & can't care for others yet

    • What you said was really INTERESTING, & sounds like a lot of situations, & you wrote it VERY WELL... Thing thing is, 'little girl' Well, I think that guys & girls are both stuck in that mind set ALL the time.. Some people jut push thru it - I think you even mentioned that, above.

      But everyone feels this wy at some point, & I am sure you have had that experience, but both genders do have that experience... I have know lots of guys who do that, & I used to think it was a GUY THING. lol

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    • Doesn't mean he doesn't CARE about you.

      If you think about it, how much can a girl genuinely & honestly care about a man who has so much value to offer her? How much of her emotions are motivated by seeing him as able to offer her what she needs & wants.. and how much are honestly because of who he is as a person?

      IMO, because the guys don't really need or want a girl for any value she can add to his life, even if it's weak attachement, it's honest & genuine emotional attachement..

    • WOW this response is brilliant. I'm in a similar situation as the original asker, and this helped me so much. I wouldn't want to waste my time on a guy who isn't willing to commit, just to realize none of it was worth it. Thank you for this!

What Guys Said 4

  • He's got his own issues and reasons and no, as usual, you cannot make him change his mind nor can you influence him. Interestingly enough you don't want a relationship but you wonder why he doesn't want one? You're pretty backwards.

    Stay friends, keep him at arms lengths, and hope he sorts his own youthful silliness out.

  • your his bootycall

    • Short and to the point, and his answer is far more accurate than ANY of his other posts. Is it possible that the blooddragon is actually learning?

    • Idunno who the f*** you are essmac13 but your f***ing funny

      f*** you

  • two reasons why the guy is not making a decision .

    First : maybe your man is too shy and unable to tell a girl about his feeling

    and he wants you to start things instead of him to...

    secondly : your man might be to pround to tell a girl like you he loves you and blablabla

    so he would prefer to let you fall in love with him so that he can tell people your dragged

    him and not him fell for you .

    so be careful


    • He KNOWS I really like him and by his actions I know he likes me.. but is there anything I can do to help him actually talk about his feelings with me because he HATES talking about that type of stuff.. I want him to be proud to like me or w.e

What Girls Said 12

  • He doesn't want to be with you in a relationship because that would come with responsibilities. For instance, he wouldn't be free to see another girl. Or, you would expect him to do things and treat you a certain way, like all girlfriends expect.

    Overall he is being deceptive and sketchy. If the two of you are having sex, well he's trying to find a way to keep you on the hook without going down the road of a relationship. Just the fact that he is not listening to you and not taking your comments seriously is a big problem. Trust me, a guy who doesn't take your concerns seriously now won't get any better later.

  • he wants to get laid wihtout having to deal with the crap that a relationship takes... you have made it easy for him to have his cka ena deat it too without any kind of committment

  • Yeah, he's just stringing you along. He can continue to hang out with you and hook up with you while not making any commitments and he wants to the get the milk for free without buying the cow. He is just immature and what immature little boys want to do? play with their toys and do whatever they want until they grow up. Move on before this guy can take more advantage of you. You can be friends with him, but don't think that it'll ever be more.

  • why can you open your legs up and not be in a relationship? lol see what I'm getting at? in that case don't have sex with him whatver you do. he's never going to be with you officialy if you do that.

    i know from experience did that with a guy for 9 months but he didn't want to be in a relationship so he was basically f***ing me with no strings attached and I got tired of it and moved on to someone that actually wants a relationship. so you better tell him you're not going to be with him unofficially anymore

    good luck! :) but I think you should get away asap he's no good as much as it hurts you gotta do it

  • He quite obviously means what he says, its as simple as that.

  • Guys must chase girls... Bottom Line! Don't call/text him, make him call or text you... Don't be so available when he wants to hang out... Don't say you are seeing other guys just simply make it clear you have plans, don't give details. If you are sleeping with him, don't let him sleep over or you don't stay at his house, just leave. And if he asks why you are acting shady just simply say you don't want a relationship... He should not be allowed to make you feel you are in a relationship without giving you the title

  • he doesn't see you as girlfriend material, but he values your vagina..

    why is this hard for you to see?

    look at the actions!

  • I think he doesn't want a relationship , maybe just because of his past experiences. Maybe he's afraid , weird to say since he's a guy but guys have feelings too . Maybe he's afraid of being hurt and heartbroken , even if you didn't ask for a relationship . But he does have feelings for you , and he doesn't want to hurt you since you like him . . Maybe he just wants to slowly walk away , without any commitments and without a heartbreak .

    • Well I flipped out on him and said for being 4 years older then me ur really immature with relationships and still having feelings for his ex (she moved away and thye broke up 2 years ago). I was expecting him never to talk to me again but he actually responded saying I'm right he is immature when it comse to relationships and that's why he gets mad when he talks about it and him and his ex do have feelings for each other but he would never date or hook up with her again.

      Would it be a bad idea do

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    • Cause calling him out for not being with you is really gonna make him like you more? ..damn girl

    • Me calling him out on it makes him realize that I know what he's doing and I'm not stupid. he doesn't realize that we were in a relationship basically without the title he says we were friends with benefits but FWB don't have feelings for each other or he wouldn't take me out places. he doesn't wanna admit the fact that we in a relationship without the title so I had to call him out on that too. he had nothing to say so he knows I'm right

  • "but then he said he's a guy obv he likes me if he's still hanging out and talking to me" - why does it seem like he's doing you a favor...but on his convenience...stick with your intuition. By the way, there are no lines to read in between because he told you from the beginning, from your own words, he just wants to be friends. When a guy says that...take that to the bank and MOVE ON.

  • omg! that's EXACTLY what's happening to me! I was searching for an answer that would explain his behaving, and wanted to write my own question, but now I see there's no need to. he even says the same things to me. ! like that I would be writting this.

    • Sooo.. what's your conclusion about all of this? I'm still confused and convinced I'm NOT his bootycall or anything along those lines

  • If you do not want a relationship, then why would it be waiting around?

    Wow, that makes me feel ill lol Not you, just that I have heard those exact same lines &i just never thought I would be a victim of LINES lol

    I actually had a guy say those things tome, except I did not ask, & I did not feel like I was waiting, cause I just never expect people to come thru... Not like I am bitter, I just like to depend on myself.. But I am not saying that is the way to be, just me.

    Anyways, I heard that crap, & it p*ssed me off because I was not ASKING for anything, not was I OFFERING.

    Guys just assume yo are going to give them your kidney or something & all they have to do is say I like you as a person.

    Well everyone has a limit. Mine was that he was lying ABOUT ME. How can someone else tell you about you.. He got away with it more then he should have cause I did not want to stoop to his level - I should have stooped & told him that he was not crazy or a liar , & tho he wanted me to think so, I did not even think he was an a- hole- Just was a COWARD.

  • It depends.