Does my boyfriend want to break up with me?

so I have been going out with my boyfriend for 9 months, and I'm going overseas at the end of the year for 4 weeks with one of my friends sarah, my boyfriend suggested that I should be single? why would he say that? also he might be going overseas at the end of the year also for the same amount of time or more he doesn't know yet?

do you think he wants to break up with me?

or that he actually wants to be single? and hook up with someone when I'm overseas or when he's overseas?

or am I being crazy?

also he wasn't jokin when he said the that I should be single, he was serious, we have talked about it 3 times, and he was like I thought we sorted this out!

im turning 21, he is turning 20, I'm his first girlfriend! I don't want to lose him. PLEASE heLP!


Most Helpful Guy

  • My guess. This doesn't have anything to do with the trip. It is more about the fact he recognizes that you are not the one for him, and he has an opportunity to let you know without having to come out and say it. Based on your ages, and phrasing, I would say you are probably more mature than him, more prepared for something long term, more sure of what you want and more comfortable with relationships in general.

    Two suggestions:

    First, accept it for what it is. He is setting you free. Since God is the Master and Creator of the universe, maybe God wants to use your freedom to teach you and help you process things. Don't suck it up, that is a lie that comes straight from the pit of hell. Process your grief and don't stop short of the freedom, and levity that comes on the other side, when God gives you something to show you have grieved the loss. I have laughed, or almost laughed, with the freedom He gave me as I finished grieving some very deep wounds.

    Second, look to God for the intimacy you desire. Most people don't have any idea what true intimacy is, since they have been taught by fickle people who have a messed up understanding of love, much less intimacy. Intimacy is around 20% physical, 25% emotional, 25% mental and 30% spiritual. This guy is not willing to invest the mental by deciding to take the risk of maintaining a relationship with you, so he is probably not feeling, or acknowledging the feelings, of the emotional. Only when these three aspects are open to free expression will someone really be open to spiritual intimacy, yet intimacy with God is what makes the rest possible.

    • Why wait till november to do this? if you are not happy in a relationship then wouldn't you end it?

    • Fear of being alone, or wrong. If you want to invest in him and really know what is going on, ask him what is causing him to say, or feel, these things. He is likely reacting to some pain in his past that is focused around an expectation that someone would come back, but they didn't. Listen to what he says, and what he avoids saying, watch him and pray, God can show you the truth. Validate his feelings, help him process the pain, let him know he can trust you where he fears being hurt again.

What Guys Said 2

  • Why aren't you talking about a trip together or as a group. That only seems logical. Separate trips can send the wrong message. It's a great opportunity thrown away and maybe that has him thinking you aren't ready for the relationship. Is that about the time the problems started? You can attempt to "sort it out" as far as wanting him only. But if you return to your own trip plans, he may feel you don't get it. Bring that up and see what happens.


What Girls Said 7

  • well I think guys see vacations as ways of having casual relationships( specially casual sex) so they just wanna be guilty free!

    he doesn't have a girlfriend he gos over seas he has sex its all great, that might be it.

    may be you should ask him why did you say that just in a casual funny way, or joke about it and see how does he react, joking is usually the safe way of asking, if they know they wanna answer they do if not you were JK so its alright

    my advice to you is to ask him and know, and if anything just put the updates or note it and I will be more than glad to help [=

  • You might not lose him entirely but it may be the best if he is asking for this. How would you feel if he were to hook up with someone while you were gone. I would feel worse for getting cheated on than just breaking up. Anyways maybe after the trip he realizes he made a mistake for asking to be single and it kills him seeing you with other men and wants you back. The question would be if you want him back.

  • If he was serious about it then it may be that he doesn't feel he can handle a long distance relationship or that the relationship isn't strong enough for the distance. It could also be that he's thinking of you and feels that it might be better if you go overseas with no ties to anyone so you can fully enjoy your time away and not think about anything else while your away.

    I don't think he would have found someone and be leaving you for them. It might be that he wants some more excitement in his love life and feels he needs a new relationship to get that.

    Try and talk to him again and find out what is bothering him or what's on his mind.

    Hope this helps honey

    • Its only 4 weeks though.... maybe he wants to break up with me and since I'm going away he's saying go be single and when I come back it will be over...?

    • Hmm that is a bit odd. The best thing you can do here is talk to him, if you want a relationship to work it is essential to be able to talk to one another

  • A lesson to be learned. men are simple and we women think way too much and way too deep. That is what I learned. Not everything needs to be drama. They don't make drama. Just enjoy the moment. That is what I learned.

  • He's telling you that when He's goes out of town, He's is going to be single

    basically He's tell you in advance that what goes on out of town stays out of town.

    He's sayin he's going to find someone out of town so you should do the same.

    if ist not meant to be its not meant to be. the fact is you are both very young and are most likely not going to spent the next 80+ years to gether. another factor you have to include is, men that age do not want to think about spending the rest of there life with just one person.

    plus he did tell you himself that maybe you "break up"

    just think about that.

  • haha he said that because he's gonna miss you so much... felt lonely.

    just let him know how much u'll miss him ^^

  • well it sounds like that he is scared and has some trust issues and he still might have a little growing up to do since your his first girlfriend and your gonna be apart so he is probably thinking that maybe it would be better that way and that he would still want to live the single life over sea so yeah I think he does want to break up with you but I would not worry about it if that is the way he honestly feels than I wold let him go and find someone who is willing to wan't to be with you no matter what the situation is and there is a guy out there for you that would be willing to wait for you when you come back from over sea s