Does my boyfriend want to break up with me?

so I have been going out with my boyfriend for 9 months, and I'm going overseas at the end of the year for 4 weeks with one of my friends sarah, my boyfriend suggested that I should be single? why would he say that? also he might be going overseas at the end of the year also for the same amount of... Show More

Most Helpful Guy

  • My guess. This doesn't have anything to do with the trip. It is more about the fact he recognizes that you are not the one for him, and he has an opportunity to let you know without having to come out and say it. Based on your ages, and phrasing, I would say you are probably more mature than him, more prepared for something long term, more sure of what you want and more comfortable with relationships in general.

    Two suggestions:

    First, accept it for what it is. He is setting you free. Since God is the Master and Creator of the universe, maybe God wants to use your freedom to teach you and help you process things. Don't suck it up, that is a lie that comes straight from the pit of hell. Process your grief and don't stop short of the freedom, and levity that comes on the other side, when God gives you something to show you have grieved the loss. I have laughed, or almost laughed, with the freedom He gave me as I finished grieving some very deep wounds.

    Second, look to God for the intimacy you desire. Most people don't have any idea what true intimacy is, since they have been taught by fickle people who have a messed up understanding of love, much less intimacy. Intimacy is around 20% physical, 25% emotional, 25% mental and 30% spiritual. This guy is not willing to invest the mental by deciding to take the risk of maintaining a relationship with you, so he is probably not feeling, or acknowledging the feelings, of the emotional. Only when these three aspects are open to free expression will someone really be open to spiritual intimacy, yet intimacy with God is what makes the rest possible.

    • Why wait till november to do this? if you are not happy in a relationship then wouldn't you end it?

    • Fear of being alone, or wrong. If you want to invest in him and really know what is going on, ask him what is causing him to say, or feel, these things. He is likely reacting to some pain in his past that is focused around an expectation that someone would come back, but they didn't. Listen to what he says, and what he avoids saying, watch him and pray, God can show you the truth. Validate his feelings, help him process the pain, let him know he can trust you where he fears being hurt again.