When men act flaky then tell you you're just being needy/paranoid?

OK girls tell me I am not alone.

Have you ever had a guy (be you dating/had dated or in a relationship with, and sometimes even friends maybe)

They act all keen to get you at first, give you loads of attention, then once they get some from you/or get what they can get/ or realize they may have to wait or not get any at all- they suddenly go all "busy" on you. As in suddenly they have no time for you or if they do they have to fit it in a very busy schedule that didn't seem to exist before. OK sometimes people are busy and situations do happen to work out in ways that make people look bad- but when you start seeing it happen over and over I think it is time to take a hint- OR you can confront the guy about it but the normal response will be- "You're just being paranoid- " or "you're just acting needy"

Is it just me who has experienced this? Men are you guilty of such accusations when you feel you may have been a bit flaky? or wanting to hang out on your terms only?


Most Helpful Girl

  • A man who does not value you and is not keen on spending time with you honestly does feel you are needy and paranoid when you want more from him. And, yes, I have experienced this though I have not badgered them to spend more time with me. I will try a few attempts to make sure they know I would like to see them, but after that I simply observe what their rhythm is and if it doesn't work for me, I stop seeing them.

    It is interesting that some people, men included, are uncomfortable saying "I don't want to see you anymore.", so instead they do things like this to drive the other person away. They hope the other person will be the one to pull the plug. Unfortunately, they will continue to act like they weren't trying to do this, you were the one to end things, so any satisfaction you could get from yelling at them and telling them they are a jerk is never seen.

    Other men are perfectly happy leaving a girl on the hook and keeping her as a backup plan while they live their lives, consider dating other girls and otherwise are too busy to talk to you very frequently. Those are the men that are particularly confusing.


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What Girls Said 4

  • Guys love a challenge. If you give it up too soon... they don't want it anymore. The second you start acting needy - they will lose you like a hot rock and go on to the next girl. If you hold back -- and get busy with your own life - let this guy catch you coming/going and be very noncommittal - just flirty/breezy/fun - they will want to be around you. This is NOT the same as having met a JERK who is a user... if he only wants to get in your pants and you give it to him without making him EARN IT... ( RESPECT)... you're doomed. He will just get what he wants and go, not giving you a second glance. A girl has to respect herself before a guy will. If you do act needy - ( please don't)... no guy will put up with that. Desperation is really an ugly thing and a huge turnoff.. A guy who is not being very honest will turn the tables and accuse you of being nuts. Yes. Happens all the time. Just be independent - fun -

    flirty - and let them know that they need to catch you coming and going... that you are NOT sitting by the phone waiting for that call and that you can date anybody you want at any time. THAT makes you much more attractive than wondering.. WHY aren't you paying any attention to me? Good luck, Sweetie.

  • Yeh, I hate guys like that. If you don't want to be in this realtionship, don't be in it... I eventually dumped him, but it was a few months too late really. That was over 3 years ago, as far as I know he hasn't gotten any since!

  • My boyfriend has talked to me like that before, thinking I was being too busy "all of a sudden" but my reasons were sincere and always are. My school schedule is variable, I have family problems, and I do have other places to be.. It can be hard to understand when you are on the side of the person who is being "needy". But I love my guy to be clingy, so it doesn't bother me for him to check up on me more often than necessary as long as he doesn't accuse me of being dishonest.

  • Oh I think you should consider what they say. I've never been like that because I am aware of my actions and my emotions. Try getting to know yourself more. Nothing more unattractive than girls who are emotionally dependent. Try living your own life and enjoy. Be independent and no guys will say those things to you ever again.

    You know why they suddenly pull back? It's because they sense something in you. It can be anything that pushes men away. But the most common is your own insecurities and fears. It is often the fear of being alone that leads to negative behaviour like what you just described. Paranoid, needy, clingy. When you project these behaviour men will automatically be turned off.

    Also, when you have fear of being alone, you will act more predictable, whether you know it or not. and that's just... boring. You might also tend to fill up the gap by starting to contact him more and more because you want to know whether he's lost interest in you. and that's just a no-no. Try thinking about it in a guy's perspective. you will realised that you've become a very boring girl.

    I have to be harsh because I want you to know that there is something you can do to change Don't blame guys. Don't keep wondering "if it's just me?" because TOO MANY girls have experienced that, and they still never learned.