Is it weird that I'm attracted to dominant type of guys? Should I leave them alone?
the ones that are always in control of the situation and tell me what to do...nothing controlling or mean. some of my girlfriends say I should leave... Show More
Most Helpful Opinion
I think you're the norm, not the exception. Most women, even if they won't admit it, like that sort of guy. Sometimes to a fault. We've all heard (especially on this site) about guys who try to win the affection of some lovely lady only to have her push him aside for some "bad boy" type guy.
Women will, no doubt, understand and sympathize with the lovely lady, being able to identify with her character but the "nice guy" vs. "bad boy" issue is one that causes many men a lot of emotional pain. I'm no exception and I used to be the guy that was just too nice. And like many other guys I went through a period of bitterness and hatred of women because of it. Not every guy is naturally dominant and confident and it's harder to change that than you might think.
Personally, it's recently occurred to me that the reason that men have such a hard time wrapping our head around this concept is that the same behavior that turns women on turns me off. While women see a bold sexy guy, I see an arrogant guy that thinks he's better than me. The dominant, in control, telling you what to do attitude creates attraction in a woman's mind, in mine it breeds resentment.
Naturally, you see why I (and many other guys) become the "nice guy". They shower you with attention and compliments because they would like to be treated that way and not pushed around. Guys know the other side of "that guy". The arrogant, childish, stupid guy. Apparently your gfs do too, hence their warnings.
Now I'm not trying to lambaste you over who you're attracted to. We're attracted to who we're attracted to and we can't just change it. I don't blame you for being attracted to them. Guys are attracted to feminine women and girls love masculine men. They're interesting, they keep you on your toes, they make you feel safe. It's all too common. What your girlfriends are saying is that your attraction may attract you to some unsavory people.
What Guys Said 2
hmm interesting question. Maybe they make you feel more secure?
What Girls Said 2
I know it sounds cliche', but maybe it has something to do with who you've identified as the strongest male figure in your family.
The structure of men in families is usually one where they have absolute or near absolute authority. This authority is voluntarily socialized. More importantly, it gives these men power. So the false association that's made, especially early in childhood, is that (authoritative behaviors = powerful man).
being "controlling" is definitely one of the many behaviors. but it's important to dispell this false idea that "these behaviors" CAUSE someone to "be powerful or strong". No. people who "are powerful or strong" CAN "behave in an authoritative or controlling way"; but don't necessarily have to. do you see Bill Gates or Hulk Hogan being authoritative or controlling? They're an example of financially and physically powerful and strong men, do don't display those behaviors.
being attracted to these men, might be because of a misassociation formed during childhood development towards men. but you have to identify where and when that was formed, and understand why it's just not true. once you do, you'll find that your attraction to such men will be gone.
controlling & dominant guys are not that way because they're strong and powerful. to the contrary, strong and powerful men are secure. the last thing they crave is a sense of security. they don't find the need to "control" you, simply because "you're worse off without them anyway". they don't "need" to control you for you to prefer staying with them. that's power, that's strength.
instead, guys who are insecure, are so because they lack any real strength or power. to feel a sense of security, they find the need to "control" and "dominate"; especially in a group setting, be it other men, a mixed group, with his girlfriend, family, or any relationship he finds himself in. If he's not "in control" or "dominant", he feels uncomfortable. why? because he's not secure, since he lacks any real or substantial strength or power.
these are the guys who threaten their childrens' autonomy and sense of fairness with kicking them out of the house, or financially starving them. they also treat their spouse of girlfriend the same way, and prefer she spends her time in the house and with the kids, so she doesn't have the independence necessary to be unaffected by those threats which he's prone to making in an effort to control her, dominate her, and comfort his insecurities.
being attracted to guys like this is not "unhealthy", that's a little extreme; but it's definitely not productive to your dating life either; especially if you're looking for a relationship and something long-term.
im attracted to guys like that too. I would never tolerate a guy that's abusive and too controlling to me, but I do like a guy that knows how to take control of a situation and be the man of a relationship. maybe that's what you like too, that masculinity and the fact that he takes the lead. as long as you know your boundaries and don't let him cross that line I say its your business