Why can't people respect boundaries?

Why do girls and guys go after people who are already in a relationship? It makes me so mad. Why do people do it?


Most Helpful Guy

  • Imagine this: You see a cute guy

    Imagine this: They see a cute guy

    It's like clothing or hobbies; everyone is tempted by different things, but with 6.4billion people in the world, do you think you are gonna be the only one to find and keep a certain person? Only if your value is above that of all the rest.

    Venting your frustration about these other people, isn't going to do anything to resolve the issue; infact it works against your favor by lowering your own value due to (what men call) "Bitching". Everyone in this world, hates drama or negativity. So voicing your concern or fear isn't going to help anything, it's actually going to hurt anything that's been established.

    So instead of hurting your chances, learn to work them in your favor. For instance, do you really think that you aren't going to find someone else that is absolutely awesome? Just because this guy had your heart for a short while and some random stranger took that away, does not mean you won't find happiness. Infact it means you have a better chance at finding it - The logic is in plain sight: Your (ex)boyfriend was disloyal in emotionally/physically flirting with another woman, in which he was disloyal. Do you really think a disloyal boyfriend is the best to keep around when you have a fear of losing them to someone else? probably not.

    - Another way of working them in your favor, is to realize that you have confidence, value, and attractive qualities within yourself that make you unique. Imagine the body-builders that are dumb, or the geek that is really smart.. To the body builder, doing math may make him feel "rejected" or out of his comfort zone; but in the gym he probably feels like god, as if it were his home and everyone was his guest. And the same of the math nerd, he may not feel comfortable in the gym, but he would feel amazing while taking tests or doing homework. We all have our own qualities and quirks that make us who we are, it's learning to work those into our confidence that divide us into individuals, then bring us together as human beings.

    I hope it helps, but keep your chin up; it'll hopefully pass as you enter adulthood (for the most part, unfortunately there will always be temptation in todays world).

    ~ ArtistBBoy


What Guys Said 17

  • These days relationships are oftrn tenuous and fluid and if you like someone, why not flirt and see what respnse you get? Why get mad? No harm is done by trying.

  • The same reasons why thieves/robbers steal, rob, loot...etc... Sorry to say, USA was founded that way too. How many natives did the white people killed? To be able to do this, the prime pre-requisite is a lack of compassion.

  • Well, it's kind of like something that you can't have, but is something you want.

    I think a lot of people get attracted to the taken ones because you know they are with someone else, so they must be worth being with. I mean dating is really hard and it can be really hard to find the right person or someone to love. Then you find the right person, but they are married. Well, marriages break up all the time these days, so people have this attitude now a days that it's just a formality. The married person finds you really attractive, and it seems like they love being around you. Their marriage maybe on the rocks or going through a difficult time so they confide in you and you feel this intimate connection with them. You guys get along so well and are so comfortable with each other, that it feels right.

    Or another look at it, which is more vindictive, is these people are so happy together and they seem so good for each other. They have so much fun with one another and he/she seems to be treating them so well going to different places, living the life of luxury, living a fantasy life. Their partner, I've seen outside of the relationship, I don't think is right for them. They are so rude to people or aren't very nice usually. They don't treat their partner very well as I could treat them. I'm better looking, have better personality, and they would look way better with me. I could make them feel so much better and treat them way better, besides, divorce is such an easy thing to get now a days, that once they see I'm better, they will leave in no time.

    There's a lot of other reasons men/women go after married people. But I think that it's based on the two above for the most part.

  • They want something they can't have. The girl who's taken, or the guy who has a girlfriend = "OOOOH, this'll be a challenge. I like it!"

    A girl who's taken = single guys will still want her. Why? Because of her looks. Look at yourself, OP. Yeah, attractive from head to toe. Guys will want to sleep with you.

    A guy who's taken = single girls, or girls with lousy boyfriends, will have a go at it. He's already pre-selected for mating by another chick, so girls find that to be attractive. He's got the goods.

    Even when a girl drops the "I have a boyfriend" line, some guys will pursue her anyway because they don't give a sh*t. They want her BADLY, and they're confident enough in themselves to steal her away from her boyfriend. It sometimes works, depending on the circumstances.

    Other guys will be nice enough to put her in the friend zone, or walk away. Which isn't a good choice for the guy, because he respects her wishes and puts himself 2nd compared to the boyfriend. We want her, but we can't have her. "D*mnit why am I her friend? I wanna bang her tonight"

    And I tell you what - why should we even give a sh*t about the boyfriend, anyway? We don't know him, therefore he's not considered a 'bro'. He could be the biggest douchebag in the world if I get the chance to meet him. OR, he could be a really cool guy who I'll end up respecting and getting along with. That'll promote me to stay away from his girl.

  • I have done this myself more than once even before knowing my target was in a relationship-I guess its sixth sense. maybe because that person seems more confident because they are already getting sex and don't need the pursuer. but if I really really really like a girl and she's with a dude I don't care I will still try to get her because I love a challenge and every girl is missing something in her current relationship whether its adventure, romance, a good listener, better sex, there is always a void in every girl I believe whether she's involved or not and I want to be that guy to fill that void that hole(no pun intened). I have stolen girls before from their boyfriends not to be a jerk but just because I wanted her sooooooooooooo bad just wasn't about sex I was in love with her and would crawl on my hands and knees from ny to california for her. I would die for her. when I'm in love I with a girl truly in love I would do anything. you gotta understand love makes some people do stupid stupid things. when it comes to love I have no pride or dignity. that's y. I'm a hopeless romantic and always will be

  • People do it because they can. Physically there's nothing stopping us from doing it except the person they are going after.

    There's an easy solution to this anyways... girls tell them I have a boyfriend, or I am not interested and guys ... turn that chick into a side chick ;P) Just kidding just do the same thing the girl would do.

  • I don't and never went looking for it. People in relationships did sometimes go after me though. Not proud of it but I have not always resisted temptation (who isn't going to be curious what a 25 year old is like when you are 18 etc). Now, having been on the other side of things in having a two year girlfriend cheat on me and go on to marry the other guy who I worked with, I wouldn't mess with another relationship.

  • Truthfully, the girl I'm dating was dating someone else at the time of my approach. I didn't care at all. I wanted her. And the truth was, she wasn't really all that interested in him. So I didn't forcefully try to break them up. I simply let her know that I was interested, and that I hoped she was single "fairly soon". I never stopped being in contact with her. I have no regrets, seeing as where we are now.

    If someone isn't married, I see no harm in letting a girl who has a boyfriend know that you are interested or harbor a crush on her.

    Don't blame the pursuer, blame the one who accept his or her advances.

    • I completely support your answer - and props on fighting for her, I hope everything is well :)

    • Thanks Artist. Never been this happy before.

  • Two reasons:

    1) Guys never really assume a girl is off limits, even if she is married. If they are attracted they are attracted.

    2) A guy who is single - no girlfriend - is viewed as being worthless by girls.

    Neither of these is 100% true for everyone, all the time, but you see it every day.

  • Lol based on the girls I've been with, boundaries, friend zone, and a relationship don't mean anything.

    Now actions and the way people treat each other, that's a FAR better test of someone's position in your life!

  • shut up and just ignore them and don't ask dumb question k? thx

  • people always want what they can't have... in otherwords "envy" hahahahahaha

  • I think you need to respect yourself for others to respect you

  • i don't get that either like if a girl denies you leave her alone.

    I've hit on girls before and they have rejected me and after that I leave them alone but I don't know why other guys constantly bother the girl. Like if you keep asking her and talking to her she won't talk to you or give you her number. She'll just think your annoying not confident

  • Maybe girls in relationships like to tease.

  • Seriously, I see it this way: as long as your not obnoxious or really overt about it and your in it because you love the person (and you don't *just* want to have sex) it's OK, why ? Well if you succeed in making the person in the relationship like/love you, then their other relationship wasn't meant to be. If you fail, no real harm done, and now you the person is better off with their current partner


What Girls Said 3

  • idk why people do it either...its ridiculous and not respectful at all...

    • Yeah it makes me sick.

      I hate when girls flirt with my man..

  • thrill of the chase...and people are afraid of really opening themselves up to a intimate relationship, so they just go after those who are taken, because these people are, well.."safe."

  • It's a great question. I've met several people who believe that if their point of interest is not married they're "fair game." There are also the classic "home wreckers" who are not happy until they have busted up a relationship (though whether they stick around afterward differs from case to case).

    My assumption is that they don't respect boundaries because they don't respect themselves at some level. If they don't respect themselves, they are not happy...so why should other people be happy? It's a very self-centered view of the world, of relationships, and so on.

    Of course, every story has two sides. For every home wrecker there is a party within the existing relationship who allows themselves to be tempted away from their partner...