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If you're suicidal and are in need of help, I strongly urge you to call 1-800-273-TALK. Its the National Suicide hotline.As for your depression in the long term, I suggest you see a psychiatrist and try talk thereapy and anti-depressants. Cognitive behavioral therapy can help too. Try getting "Cognitive Behavioral Therapy for Dummies" from your local library. If you can't afford a psychiatrist, you could try Saint Johns Wort. Be aware of side effects. Lack of sunlight can make depression worse, so try using light therapy. I use the Verilux HappyLight 2500 Energy Lamp, it was only about $30. Omega-3 fatty acid supplements and green tea (which can be taken in pill form) have also been clinically proven to work to help, as is a healthy diet. A daily vitamin supplement can be helpful too.Daily exercise can also make you feel better.I am pleading with you not to kill yourself. Think of your family and how devastated they will be. Please, keep going.
I don't know how to help you, I'm kinda in the same boat. But I'm planning to do my teachers training soon so I hope I will have a teachin position in the future however, before I finished my degree I was sure I would fail and for many months I was in a deep depression.What get me by is the fact that I have this fleeting rare chance to exist, and I don't plan on shortening it, even just as a sign of respect to all the creatures that fought for survival on this planet so I had the change to exist.Also there are many ways to view this life. There is no need to put importance on marriage, or getting a job, these are all modern issues, you could move your focus on trying to be happy and being a part of making a better world. You could go some where that needed you. If you're brave enough, and I assume if you are really considering ending your life, surely you have the courage then to go and change your life completely.Good luck, you should know some of the most prominent people in history were losers at some point. Pain, and depression is what builds character. You will get through this. If you have an actual brain chemical imbalance I would seek help. But make sure you really need meds before you take them, they could make things worse, but if you do have brain issues then you shouldn't feel ashamed about needed to take something address these brain imbalances.