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MEN: Why do you say purposefully hurtful and untrue things when mad?

Girls do this too but I want the guy perspective. I've realized that a lot of guys get mad and say really offensive things that they themselves later say they don't mean. Why? Why do guys try to purposefully hurt their gf/SO as their primary means of gaining dominance in the argument? Examples I've personally heard or have heard of: "I don't love you!" "I cheated on you!" "You're loose!" "I hope you die!" "Whale!" When answering, please make the assumption that the things being said are really untrue and the guy is just acting irrationally when angry. Why do this?

What's Your Opinion?

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Most Helpful Opinion

  • Generally, only people with anger issues tend to say extremely hateful things when they're angry. Normal people can say meanish things, but I've found that only people who are immature, selfish and unable to regulate their rage tend to really attack the way you describe. It's the verbal equivalent of hitting someone instead of walking away -- they mean to hurt, out of spite and because the're pissed they can't control the other person. There's a HUGE difference between saying, "You've really pissed me off!" or "You've made me really angry!" or even "You're being an a**hole/bitch!" and saying "I hope you die!"

What Guys Said 9

  • Girls, why do you say purposefully hurtful and untrue thing when you are mad and when you are also not mad?

  • Last I checked, I was human, too. Can we please stop with the constant stereotypical accusations and generalizations on this site?

    • I'm not stereotyping, I'm citing real examples that I've seen in my own life.

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    • I never said all guys do this. I said I've noticed that a lot of guys do this. It's not even just guys I date or hang out with. I've also seen it with my friends and their bfs and I've seen my dad talk this way and those are only the tip of the iceberg with examples. So I asked the question to hear feedback on why other guys think that some guys do this. You're not answering my question.

    • It happens. Irrationality exists. Each situation and individual is unique. Each answer you're going to get on here may have validity in a few situations but decent reliability? Forget it.

  • For the same reason girls do it. I really think girls get more fired up than guys when they're angry. "Hell hath no fury like a woman scorned."

  • For the same exact reason women do it.

    • Which is why in your opinion? I'm not trying to be sexist at all, I'm seriously interested in the thought process behind this behavior.

    • It's just lack of self control under pressure.

  • FYI..its a human thing...both sexes do it for the same reasons...pretty bad huh?

    • Did you not read the first line where I said "Girls do this too"? I'm bi, I know girls do this. I've seen platonic female and male friends do this. But currently I'm in a hetero relationship and my boyfriend said some really hurtful untrue things and I'm legitimately curious why guys feel this is a good way to gain dominance in the argument. If I was dating a girl I'd be asking the ladies their opinion on it.

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    • Sure, maturity has a lot to do with it. It's a choice...to either stoop to their level..and yell..scream..call each other names etc...or rise about that behavior, and talk like civilized adults after your emotions are calmed down so you can have a productive conversation on the issue in question. The key to any arguments is to first understand what the other person is trying to communicate...and being a good listener, and not throwing out blame.

    • Edit...rise above that behavior...

  • I am guilty of this and the only reason I do it is to shut women up, honestly. When it comes to an argument with a woman, their side is so well constructed and thought out that it makes me feel inferior even if I know I'm in the right. It's a complete d***head move, I know, but it's all I have when arguing with someone who has prepared for it.

    • Your honesty is very helpful, thanks! In your opinion what could the female do to avoid this outburst while still making her point in the argument?

  • They probably meant it at the time and it slipped out when they lost control and were being inconsiderate, but are trying to forgive and work things out afterward so they say they didn't mean it... The truth hurts..Only enemies speak the truth. Friends and lovers lie endlessly, caught in the web of duty..

  • I don't think it's on purpose, it's just in the heat of the argument things are said.

    • What's a good way to stop it? I've tried explaining to my current boyfriend that words can only be forgiven but never forgotten and that saying things that one doesn't mean can be really detrimental to a growing relationship but it still continues.

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    • Thank you. Sometimes leaving escalates things in a negative way too but I do agree that'd be a good way to avoid that.

    • Yeah that's true, just got to let him know you don't want it to be a screaming match, and that it's not that you don't think it's important or whatever he may think.

  • Sometimes. Other times I remain calm. It's kind of difficult because a lot of you girls purposely push those buttons over and over again. That's not an excuse to say really mean things though.

What Girls Said 1

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