Why would a man be so crude?

I have been in contact with a man for about 3 years via text mostly. Knew each other in high school, reconnected on fbook. Long story short, we started out great. Lots of communication, he told me he had fallen in love, we met for a weekend, sex was involved. Now jump to 3 years later, it is... Show More

Most Helpful Guy

  • Let me be straight up with you:

    Due probably to the distance involved, he has grown away from you emotionally. This is VERY common with LDRs, which is why they're a horrible idea that only people who are:

    1) married,

    2) deeply committed to one another,

    3) able to make huge sacrifices, and

    4) have a definite timeline when they'll be back together,

    should ever be involved in.

    Now, he's mostly sticking with it for the sex. He may even be getting his emotional needs fulfilled somewhere else (possibly along with his sexual needs).

    Again, this is NORMAL, COMMON, and EXPECTED with LDRs, especially when you don't know each other well, don't have a deep commitment, and when they've gone on this long. Learn that lesson well, and in the future, do NOT get involved with men who aren't PHYSICALLY available to you, because THIS is the normal result when you do: one of you (or both of you) can't handle the separation and finds someone else to meet his/her needs.

    • I fully agree, and have told him he should find someone who lives near him (he says he's not pursuing anyone). That's why I don't understand why he still keeps up contact, sexting, asking me to visit. Possibly he wants a sexual/emotional fix, without having to have a day to day, face to face relationship?

    • Show Older
    • The hardest part? He makes me feel like it's my fault the relationship hasn't developed further because I won't go see him (I'm scared of being hurt again from him...he changed his tune about "love" after I went to see him the first time). Is it my fault?

    • No, it's not your fault. It's largely just the situation (the LDR). Your only "fault" is to allow yourself to get involved in a LDR. But if there is any failure here, it's his, not yours. It's just that failure is utterly predictable with a LDR.