Why would a man be so crude?

I have been in contact with a man for about 3 years via text mostly. Knew each other in high school, reconnected on fbook. Long story short, we started out great. Lots of communication, he told me he had fallen in love, we met for a weekend, sex was involved. Now jump to 3 years later, it is all just text (sexting mostly), he knows I still love him, he hasn't spoken words of care to me since our visit 2 years ago. The closest words were "I miss talking to you" or " I think of you all the time" . Only though after a period of no contact. When we do text again, it ultimately turns to sex talk, and when it used to be "I want to make love to you again" it is now only crude sex talk..i.e " I think about pumping your *#$% all the time" or "I want to fill you with my seed" . What the heck is going on here? He wants to see me again, spend time together, and of course have sex. But claims he can't promise anything beyond that given we live in different states. Why the change? This man at one time said he was in love and wanted to feel like that for the rest of his life. Is he one of those emotionally messed up people? HELP

Most Helpful Guy

  • Let me be straight up with you:

    Due probably to the distance involved, he has grown away from you emotionally. This is VERY common with LDRs, which is why they're a horrible idea that only people who are:

    1) married,

    2) deeply committed to one another,

    3) able to make huge sacrifices, and

    4) have a definite timeline when they'll be back together,

    should ever be involved in.

    Now, he's mostly sticking with it for the sex. He may even be getting his emotional needs fulfilled somewhere else (possibly along with his sexual needs).

    Again, this is NORMAL, COMMON, and EXPECTED with LDRs, especially when you don't know each other well, don't have a deep commitment, and when they've gone on this long. Learn that lesson well, and in the future, do NOT get involved with men who aren't PHYSICALLY available to you, because THIS is the normal result when you do: one of you (or both of you) can't handle the separation and finds someone else to meet his/her needs.

    • I fully agree, and have told him he should find someone who lives near him (he says he's not pursuing anyone). That's why I don't understand why he still keeps up contact, sexting, asking me to visit. Possibly he wants a sexual/emotional fix, without having to have a day to day, face to face relationship?

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    • The hardest part? He makes me feel like it's my fault the relationship hasn't developed further because I won't go see him (I'm scared of being hurt again from him...he changed his tune about "love" after I went to see him the first time). Is it my fault?

    • No, it's not your fault. It's largely just the situation (the LDR). Your only "fault" is to allow yourself to get involved in a LDR. But if there is any failure here, it's his, not yours. It's just that failure is utterly predictable with a LDR.