Girlfriend too distant?

Hey everyone,

I am in a relationship now and it's really doing great. We see each other pretty often and I have no doubt that she has feelings for me and I get enough proof of that when I am with her.

However, when we're not together, I find her to be pretty distant with me. She doesn't text me or call me, she doesn't reply when I write something on Facebook, when someone asked her a question about her relationship on Facebook she didn't answer, she didn't tell her friends about me... Last week-end when we were together she said if she had a party she would call me and we could go together. The next day I see her friend uploaded pictures of the party on Facebook and she was there. When I talked about it, she said she didn't call me because she didn't have enough battery in her cellphone (then why didn't she borrowed a friend's cellphone... ?). We're in the same club on campus and they are going to the zoo on Friday. For some reason I wasn't invited but she was, but everybody is allowed to bring guests and I saw she confirmed that she would go but didn't even talk to me about it. I feel like I'm doing a lot of efforts to be close and that she doesn't really do the same for me, and yet she often says she missed me. Is it my fault that I want to be closer and see her more, do more stuff together? Am I wrong to feel the way I do?


Most Helpful Guy

  • wow, good question. Thank you for the detail. Sounds like you want her to be as proud of having you as boyfriend as you are to have her (though it does not say if you are technically bf/gf. Does her profile on facebook say that she is "in a relationship" or "in a relationship with you"? That is the first question. Why are you looking at the interactions between her and her friends? I know it pops up on your "quick view' when you log in, but you should avoid "checking up on her". You do sound like you need to let go a little though. Make sure you give her enough space to actually "miss you". When you crowd someone in a relationship, they will seek any opportunity to get away from you for a little bit. If you are ALWAYS around, she may feel smothered (in which case, you won't have a girlfriend for long). Relax, make more "guys nights out" and post your pics on your facebook. Let her see the good time you can have without her, and she may start wanting to do more things with you. If she feels that you always latch on to her good times, she may seek more alone time. Does this make sense?

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      We are marked as in a relationship with each other on FB, but I initiated it. I know that with my ex, I was being too clingy because she wanted me to be around and it was my first relationship, so I started being always around and it became too much I guess. I'm trying to give my new girlfriend some space but like you said, I would just like her to show more signs that she is proud to be with me. I do not have that many guy friends, I pretty much have one best friend and that's all lol

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      Yeah but I hate playing games lol. I'm a guy who usually focus way more attention on his couple than his friendships, I don't need to see my friends all the time, but I do need to see my girlfriend as often as possible. That's the way I am, and I would like us to be comfortable enough that I can be that way without her thinking that I'm a loser just because she's my priority. I kind of trusted my ex on this and in the end when she broke up I felt like I wasn't worth anything so I hate this...

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      Let me put it this way. would you be happier to see her if she hung out with you once week than you would be if she never left? The answer is yes, because you would FINALLY be spending time with her. You are not playing games by making yourself scarce, you're increasing the demand. No one wants to pet a dog that never leaves them alone. in a nut shell: if she feels you're too clingy, she won't even be your girlfriend for long. Everyone loves some space, you may need less than others, but she is not you