Loving someone too much?

Have you ever love somebody too much that even when they always hurt you, lied to you, ignore you and left you, you are still loving them?

 

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    There is a difference between loving someone and desiring them. Of course you desire the person you love, but would you love the person if you didn't desire them?


    If you do really love and desire a person who hurts you, as I have also been there and go through this sort of thing occasionally with my current boyfriend, then all I can say is everyday make yourself a little stronger and less dependant on that love (desire). Because it's not the love that hurts, it's the need and the desire tied up with love that does.


    Finding freedom and independance allows you to love more and in a freer way, it also makes you a much more attractive person and you will soon find there are a lot more people out there who will treat you better, but you've got to treat yourself better first.


    Distance yourself, and you will escape the addiction that love can draw you into. Then review your relationship with a clearer head, rather than a cloudy one cast across with emotional storms.



    There is nothing wrong with loving someone unconditionally as long as it doesn't hurt you. If it's disturbing your peace of mind, then you have to withdraw. It's crucial to love yourself unconditionally too.

    • You're very welcome. :)

    • Thank you =)

  • Yes. Love is unconditional. It doesn't matter what someone does if you truly love them you will love them regardless of what they do or how they act.

  • it's a cruel spell, get out of there fassssssst

  • Yes... My boyfriend drives me crazy. One minute he'll completely ignore me and make me feel worthless. But the next minute, he is just so perfect, we have amazing chemistry and always have so much fun together. He's the only person that feels like home to me, and I can always be myself. So even though he may treat me like garbage at times, I know his motives aren't intentional, so I don't take it to heart. I think that when you love someone, you have to accept that they won't always be at their best... Nobody is perfect, and while he may be perfect at times, I realized people are never who you want them to be. So I stick with him, because that's what I think love is. I read this somewhere:


    "A girl meets three guys in her life. The guy she loves. The guy she hates. And the guy she can't get enough of. And they all turn out to be the same guy."

  • yeah but after that initial time I found out the guy cheated on me, I dropped him. the thing is, you can only take so much and you become a door mat if you take their abuse. if you want the best relationship, don't take s*** from anyone. that's my line.

  • Yes this always happen to me. It was last month, I thought he felt the same way but he was just using me to get his ex back or just to get pleasure. I still think about him today but I try my best to get over him and move on. I can't love someone forever that won't never love me.

  • yess, it happens to almost everyone. its the worst & best feeling in the world.. :/

  • Oh ya. I'm still there now. But I understand it's hard to just leave someone that you think you love so much. It should be obvious to us women that if you love someone, they should love you enough in return in order for you to not question why you love this person, because essentially that is what you are doing. He's lied to you, ignored you, etc., and you're wondering why you still love this person. Love is never equal in relationships. One person always loves more than the other. It just sucks when you are the one who loves more than the other.

  • Well, no. I mean all that stuff has happened to me with someone I loved... hurt, lied, ignored, left... But by that point I realize this isn't the "love" I want.

  • Yea I've but it wasn't too much actually very much, waay so stupid,and waay so wrong.

    I don't know if he lied or not but he left and ignored me that really hurt me I don't know what's going on anymore and I still have feelings for him. :p

    I think I still have feelings for him because I've that stupid feeling called "hope" or I'm just wishing that things were different .

    whateva I don't know.O.o` it's a lost case.

  • of course. we al do. we just have to learn to say no, and believe that we deserve someone better. and being in a relationship like this isn't healthy for both of you.

  • i haven't been in that situation, but if you are I will advise you to love yourself more than you love someone who mistreats you. once you do that, your problem will solve itself. good luck.

  • Yep! I have been there and still am. I still love my ex-boyfried and he cheated on me and never admitted. He lied to me and did a lot more things to hurt me. Then he dumped me after I chased him and tried to make our relationship work. He won in his mind. This stuff happens because if you allow someone to do these things they WILL. You can't let people do that to you or they are going to dump you and never give a crap about you. I still love him but over time I have lost that feeling of wanting to be with him. He was my first boyfriend. I am glad I didn't give him my viriginty. LOL...I WIN.

    • Well, he was first boyfriend not my first love. I believe God has something better for me.

    • LOL..I guess we will always remember our first love eventhough how much they hurt us..

  • Yes and I truly hate myself for that, its better off if you never loved that person when they kept hurting you.

    Sweety its not worth it, you need to forget about that jerk who keeps treating you like sh*t. I've been in your position and never want to be again.

    • I really hope I can forget him. I'm doing things I've never done before like going to the gym, taking a cardio dance class, baking, starting a business and many more but I still can't shake the pain away. But then somehow, I stop crying. I haven't cried in two weeks now and I wish it could last for so long. Thank you for the advices =)

    • I totally agree. You definitely WILL NOT feel like this about him forever, nor indeed for very long. Just find something in yourself that makes you feel content and alive. Write, dance, walk, create something. Laugh with friends. Paint a picture, join a class, find a hobby, anything that forces you to concentrate on something else. Soon your mind will change its pattern of thinking. And you'll have to struggle to remember him. In time, when it comes to him, you'll be like - who?

    • I know it is, trust me I know but one day you WILL forget him, not completely but you will think about him occasionally. But take my word for it, he won't be in your mind forever.

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  • i don't think once you start loving someone you just snap out of it...its taken me years to fall out of love with a guy who trested me like crap...

    often times tho what your taking about is a sign of coe dependence which is an unhealthy attachment to someone .. id look up coe dependency on the internet and see if what's going on with you is similiar to what ius described. I've struggled with coe dependency a lot and it can lead to a lot of hurt if you don't get it worked out.

  • yes

  • Yeah. I'm in that situation right now.

    But it can be love or obsession.

    You might not want to admit you're obsessed but think honestly,

    Would you do anything for them? If they were hospitalized and needed to be taken care of would you want to have someone else do it or would you want to take care of them?

  • * I used to think people who loved regardless of the character of the person they 'loved'. , Were not in love , but were desperate, weak, obsessed, or simply delusional themselves.



    Now I think it is more just conflicting levels of experience. They may be connected to the persons spirit, but the persons spirit- due to life taking difficult twists turns, that may thwart a person from living up y their full potential- is not connected to their true personality. &

    Because when you truly feel love, your knowledge or experience is tacitly or is intuitively understood, you, in a way experience something of that person, they themselves do not experience of themselves- or at least do not consciously understand.


    (In case this point gets lost in them, you should not loose sight of it. No mater how strong your 'love' feels, when you can not live up to your own potential (the person disrespects you, does not value who you truly are, refuses to acknowledge your worth as separate but equal human being) you are weakened in your ability to love, & therefore useless as love, to the one you love, another reason why you need to be careful of 'how' from 'where' you love, 'when' & 'who' and you love)


    I do not think you are crazy or a poor judge of character,for recognizing where you love. Love is love. It is real before it is understood & it is most often recognized long before it (is accepted by both, or) is realized/ can come to fruition.


    You, just need to decide at what point the impact & power of this love, is beneficial or worthwhile to the both of you, (you can 'love' selfishly) & at what point it is predominately detrimental to the both of you (sometimes to truly 'love' you need to walk away).


    Loving who you love is not crazy. Not knowing when to say good bye to the 'person' you love,( tho you make keep the ' feeling' your love for life) can verge on it, & times can be insane & can also lead to insanity :)


    (Because love involves more than just yourself, You need to be be true to love not just to yourself... Its tricky stuff lol -- Good luck :)

  • I have definitely been there, and you are definitely not alone haha.

    That's how I'm feeling right now. He just told me he cheated and guess what? I still love him. : \

  • That kind of love scares me...it scares me to think that I may feel this for someone because I know it would kill me if they ever did something like that...but I guess that the risk you take by truly loving someone

  • Yes. They cheated on me, lied to me, lied to me some more, and they did some other stuff too, but I've still been with them because I love them, even if they basically killed me inside

    • I've only been with one guy...... 3 year relationship too & it didn't start going down hill until the 2nd year

    • I think you have been with some jerks,

    • Because we're stupid and we don't learn our lesson until the millionth time and we hope there they are the one for us && we don't know when to give up too

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  • She means everything to me and I would do anything for her, but she only wants to be friends or so she says, despite her flirting and eye contact telling me she wants more :(

  • Young Lady, this may be a big pill for you to swallow, be it is true. We are not capable of loving anyone too much. Our best idea of love is less than a drop in a sea of what love truly is. If we say we love someone, then NOTHING should ever change that. We love from an understanding of what love is that we hold onto with everything we have. If we allow it to stop, become less, fall off or in any way cease to exist, then we devalue our own idea of what is dearest and most important to us. Our idea of what love is cannot ever be allowed to be altered. If it is, we cease to have a solid foundation in which to stand on. And when that happens, we begin to crumble under the weight of our burdens. Love is truly more than we are able to grasp or thoroughly understand. If it were, it would not be enough to hold us up under the load of our many burdens.

  • Yeah... At first we just wanted a friend. But nothing really happens like you think it will. Needless to say over 6 months we developed a love for each other. Something neither of us wanted at this stage of our lives. She broke it off and I fell off.


    It's still hard trying to maintain being friends because I still care for her and always feeling pulled in to be more then just friends. It's only been two weeks and it's already felt like a century of us being apart. And trying to forget it hard; it seems I don't want any other girl to consume my time then her.


    The funny thing is that we haven't seen each other physically, just phone and texting. But, it does seem things are coming around for the better. There more then likely won't be a possibility for a renewal of our relationship... At least officially, it is subtle because I know she loves me and I love her.

    • Have not seen each other physically since two weeks ago, hehe.

  • Hypnotized.

  • yes, I'm going through that right now and it's hell. I don't know what to do

  • She just doesn't understand how much she means to me. All the other do*chebags treat her like some kind of trophy.

  • Yes I have! And then, I thought to myself: "Enough is enough!" and then I ditched her like a bad habit that she was. You see, when you put in sprayed on insulation in your house, when you think that you have put enough, that means you have put too much. The same goes with relationships. When you question if you have loved enough, you have loved too much for the other party to deserve it. Consequently, when you wonder if you have loved too much that certainly means the dude is so undeserving your love that it is not funny.


    Find someone else with enough sense to know that he is so lucky to have you loving him that he won't take you for granted.

    • Thanks for your advice. I've tried to ditch him so many times but never succeed. Wish I could be that strong =)

  • I've felt that way about somebody for almost three years now.

  • From what you described I believe I have

  • I never did, and I won't love to someone who hurt me, who ignore me, who lied me,

  • I don't think you can love someone 'too much' but I know how you feel and it SUCKS

  • The only comment I can make is that I am sure guys and girls will have a very different response to this.

  • "I have loved to the point of madness; That which is called madness, That which to me, is the only sensible way to love."

  • Lying is a show-stopper.

    ``Loving'' someone like that is not love; it's a one-way co-dependency.

    Virtues: I'm rich, handsome, educated, respectful, have nice table manners, ...

    Fault: I'm a liar.

    See?

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