From the outside, this is what marriage looks like to me (as a contract):

Promise: I will love you forever, even though that's not my choice to make. Even if I can't, I'll stay with you forever and not sleep with anybody else.

Knowing that people will have desires outside of their spouse, and that love is an emotion that may fade, why would people enter into this relationship?


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Most Helpful Girl

  • I, like you, have issues with marriage. I do not believe it is required to have a solid connection with someone, either. But, I also think that it isn't as bad as you are making it out to be. Yes, marriages can end in divorce, and yes, people sometimes have desires outside the marriage, love will fade, etc. But not always. And this wouldn't be such a large issue if people didn't rush into marriage like they do.

    The problem isn't marriage, really. I mean, I've found a guy that I will probably spend the rest of my life with, whether or not we get married. I will love him, I will be faithful to him, no matter my desires, and I will be loyal to the promises we've made to each other in our relationship. Marriage is something we plan on later, but won't do until we are absolutely sure we can make it through everything life will throw at us. We've been together 5 years, and still aren't ready, as we want to be sure that we don't become a divorce statistic down the line.

    The problem is: people don't think that way anymore. The idea that marriage is for life doesn't pervade our society the way it used to. Marriage meant "until death" for centuries, and still does to our older generations. But more and more people don't view it like that, and always think "there's always divorce" if it doesn't work out. So the problem isn't marriage, it is the people that go into it not fully prepared for the heavy responsibilities that come with it and without the mindset that it should last forever, no matter what you may go through.

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What Girls Said 3

  • how is it not their choice? people that get married for the right reasons i.e because they love that person and want to spend the rest of their lives together, don't have a problem with their love 'fading'. in most cases, a married couples love only ever gets stronger, and if not they will still have the memory of the love that they did share, and a mutual respect and that bond. Everyone is welcome to their own opinion of love and marriage, and if its not for you, just don't do it, but I have to ask, if you don't intend on getting married what is your plan, relationship-wise for the rest of your life?

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    • Some FWB situation, perhaps? I just don't see the point in staying with somebody if they no longer make me happy. Does that make me a bad person?

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    • Nothing in life is guaranteed. people often make promises that they can't keep, but I like that you feel so strongly about getting this right. it makes a change for a guy to think in so much detail about commitment. :) if marriage is just not for you, then stick to what you think.

      i know how much it must hurt people when things don't go to plan, but just think of how great some people have it when it's all going right :)

    • I'm so amazed when I read back what I write, I don't seem to realise it at the time, but I'm turning into the kind of person that I dislike the most, the type that debates everything.

      I meant what I said though, about having such determination to do things right, and I admire your ability to step away from tradition and consider it another way.

      i hope you find your happiness, with or without marriage,maybe one day we will be able to understand each others viewpoints properly.

      Becky :)

  • I'll have to agree with you 100%. That's all I can say.

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  • because they are in love

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    • But aren't they aware that love can fade, even if they don't want it to? In my opinion, they're making a promise they aren't in the position to keep.

    • Love can last a life time

What Guys Said 1

  • Because some people actually care enough about each other to spend the rest of their lives together.

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