Am I the only one that as I get older start to view the possibilty of marriage as a business matter?

It seems as the older I get it seems that marriage seems less about love and more about a business partnership. Now I do believe that you have to be attracted to the person and love them. But when I think of the perks of a husband, I think of splitting bills (holy crap I may have disposable income due to the double income) a person to reach the stuff I can't on shelves, someone to have kids with, a companion, not having to date anymore, a regular sex partner, someone to help with housework, someone to help run errands, and someone to help with establishing a stable lifestyle. As you can see the majority are not related to love and all that jazz at all. I am beginnign to feel cynical about the whole thing.


0|0
5|11

Most Helpful Guy

  • The text of your questions and the comments to others is interesting in different ways. First, what do you consider love? In one comment you speak of "But I would be ok with a guy that I am attracted to, am compatible with, and we care for each other." Loving a guy could make him fit all that for you. And when you love someone you want to do all the things in your question.

    In one comment you say that you are becoming "more single." How do you mean?

    You mention not liking dating. Dating is spending time with someone and learning more about them. Marriage and sharing a life is kind of like the ultimate date. So much time together, finding common interests, sharing problems and lifting each other up, etc. Maybe you have had a run of bad guys, or maybe you present yourself poorly. But you need to get along well in dating someone if you ared going to find someone to share a life with.

    I understand you wanting the things that you want, and even somewhat "without love". But I think that at a deeper level love is actually there.

    Hope I HAVE HELPED.

    0|0
    0|0
    • Sorry. Accidental Caps Lock. Not intended.

    • Correction, dating may supposed to be about spending time with someone and all that jazz, but lets be honest dating is horrible. You spend more time trying to find someone to date than being happy when you are single. When you are with someone you constantly wonder if it is going somewhere and whether you want to marry them. And you deal with the breakups and all that crap. It;s just a bunch of BS in all honesty.

    • Obviously, you don't find "the one" on your first date. People spend time with people to get to know them. And there are some "dry" periods between date prospects. But I never spent more time trying to find someone to date than being happy as single. And I did not constantly wonder if it was going somewhere or if I was going to marry them. I enjoyed the friendship and companionship, not even thinking marriage unless I got really close. Months of good times, then sometimes a short time with a bad breakup. More good than bad. But you are expecting each relationship to go bad, so for you they will. Because your "honesty" is that it is just a bunch of BS, then that is what life will be for you.

What Guys Said 10

  • This is the one thing I'll ever disagree with Nobless about.
    Probably because he's loaded and I'm not so his lifestyle works for him.

    Yes, I'm starting to think the same way you do. Truthfully, that's what marriage always was. It changed into a romantic ideal only recently, probably the 19th century. That's what I've read anyway.

    Truth be told I stay away from girls that "fall in love" because I view them as unstable. I'd actually prefer a girl like you because you're willing to settle down and I think you'd be less likely to divorce as long as neither one of us rocks the boat, so to speak. Would I be correct?

    0|1
    0|0
    • I think so. Not, that I don't believe love should be part of the equation as people think.I believe in a very very very active love life so you would have to want the person and love them to devote your life to them. But really it seems like it might be easier to find someone that you are compatible about, vs this idea of unending passionate love.

    • Right, exactly. There are different kinds of love, I think. So many people focus on that passionate love and that's what ends up breaking people apart.

  • As much as I want to say it ain't so... welcome to reality. That's part of marriage and nothing is going to change. It could be much worse. Some cultures have arranged marriages, so at least you have a choice and don't feel pressure from "loved ones" that feel the need to dictate how you live your life.

    If you find someone that gives you butterflies and makes you feel comfortable in your own skin, that changes the dynamic entirely. Afterall, reality won't change. Only your perception does.

    0|0
    0|0
  • Makes sense, but as a guy who already has tons of disposable income and a minimalist lifestyle and enjoys dating new girls all the time that holds no appeal lol.

    2|1
    0|0
  • you save a LOT of money lol. thats why i have a backup wife. me and one of my best friend-girls have a pact. if we're 40 and still unmarried, we're gonna marry each other. but still be able to see other people lol.

    0|0
    0|0
  • I thought you should always have a pragmatic purpose for your partners. Do people really think that they should have no actual common sense relations when choosing their significant others? You're way behind the curve.

    0|1
    0|0
  • marriage, for most people, is a financial decision. lots of people marry for love, and or both, however, like i said, most people are marrying more for financial reasons. it's one of the big questions in whether gays should get married or not. legal ramifications when it comes to money

    0|0
    0|0
  • Dang. Now imagine if you had felt this way at 20-25 instead. You'd be married, lots of disposable income.

    0|0
    0|0
    • Probably not, hasn't upped my prospects since coming to the realization.

  • I don't see it like that, but I am sure there are people out there who see it just like you do.

    0|0
    0|0
    • Trust me when you are single after 30 with who knows how many failed relationships behind you, you will.

    • Well you're older than me so I believe you you are probably right.

  • " a person to reach the stuff I can't on shelves" LOL!

    0|0
    0|0
  • That's actually a good thing, it means you're becoming more realistic with age. I was afraid that some women were not even capable of this. When I read your question it actually made me interested in you.

    I know 40 year old women who act like 16 year old girls.

    0|0
    0|0
    • I mean look at people that have been married forever it's all it is. That and the committment, but mostly a business arrangement.

    • This should be obvious but it's a concept that seems to go over most women's heads.

      I don't know if I'd call it a "business arrangement" but you should both commit to the idea of building a family (even if that fam is just you two) together, helping out when needed, and taking care of each-other as you grow and age as partners. If all you care about is how much you 'loved' __insert_handsome_guys__name when your eyes first met a a bar 20 years ago you're fucking doomed. Newsflash, feelings change. They are dynamic. That means just because you were head over heels for someone for a month in 2006 doesn't mean you'll feel that every second of every day you're together. You need to commit to the concept of a teamwork marriage more than you commit to feelings.

    • More or less what I was saying.

What Girls Said 5

  • You're just thinking about the practical things, but honestly would you marry a man who helps you with all those things you just mentioned but that you didn't love? I don't think so... I'd say the 2 things complete themselves. So that looks fine to me.

    0|0
    0|0
  • For me marriage is a beautiful relationship IF it is based on love and trust and not because of the things you mentioned above.
    If you marry because of those things then marriage is nothing but a contract.
    But I think two people should marry because they can't help loving each other and want to spend their lives together despite all the hurdles.

    0|0
    0|0
    • Yeah I honestly don't know if that really is what it is. I mean The older and more single I get the more cynical. But I look at my friends that got maried young, and while happy it does look almost like a business contract in the long run as well. And like I said I think it's stupid to mary someone if you don't love them. But I would be ok with a guy that I am attracted to, am compatible with, and we care for each other.

    • Yeah so once you find him, marry him. But don't marry just anyone because you think marriage is the right and the ultimate thing in life. Don't compromise with your whole life.
      Marriage is not happiness, its a means of getting happiness :)

  • "As you can see the majority are not related to love and all that jazz at all".--- I don't know it's all love related to me lol. i make sacrifices cause i have deep feelings for the person as simple as that.

    0|0
    0|0
  • It is about business if it isn't a mutual loving agreement.

    0|0
    0|0
  • I don't know if I'd call it a business matter, but I do focus more on the strength of the partnership and compatibility than omg-I'm-crazy-about-you love. My parents have been married for 26 years or so, and they do love each other, but I think their success is mainly because they're a team, committed, and they compliment each other very well. I feel like many people go into marriage thinking it'll be all hearts and roses, when the day-to-day reality of it is much different.

    I think a lasting relationship like the one my parents have can be priceless and very fulfilling, but you have to choose your partner carefully - and the relationship takes work. Someone who doesn't realize that is in for an unpleasant surprise.

    I don't feel cynical about it, though. I just feel like it's reality, and I would rather have the stability and strength of that relationship, with love that's more tame and down-to-earth, than a fleeting relationship involving us being madly in love for a time but completely wrong for each other.

    0|0
    0|0
Loading...