Kind of long sorry. There’s this truly amazing sweet handsome etc. guy and I care deeply for him but no matter how much I think I love him...I just...I don’t know. I don’t love him, I don’t think. He’s in love with me or very close to it as far as I can tell (we've informally-but-legitimately talked about marriage) and it’s wonderful thank God - and he’s my best friend and I think I could be happy with him God willing but I just don’t *love* him.
I’ve been in love with...let’s say two people in my life. One was my best HS friend - I was friends w/him for 10 years, in love for 7 of those years, and finally broke off our friendship because I couldn’t handle it anymore. It’s been about 3 years and I still think of him on rare occasion.
This current guy has reallllly taken the time to get to know me, drops everything to help me, etc. I am not trying to be selfish or immature or whatever - I am really honestly trying to care *that* much back (and I do care for him and am attracted to him). I don’t know what’s missing. The only thing I can see is that I don’t have the same...connection with him that I’ve had in the past. There are very few people with whom I truly connect physically/mentally/emotionally but when I do it’s like we light each other up. And this guy is not one of them as far as I can tell. (The ones who did weren’t necessarily as kind or generous or whatever as him as far as I can tell, but being with them is like finding myself in another person, I don't know how else to describe it.)
Thoughts? Again I care for him a looooot, but I feel...neutral, vaguely positive, toward him when I think about actually loving him on the level I’ve found myself capable of loving. I just don’t want to hurt him, God forbid.
(Maybe am afraid to let him be with me. I don't know. Am kind of afraid of men in general, to be honest. Thoughts welcome.)
Most Helpful Girl
Firstly, that's not love, it's care.
Second, you don't know what you want.
Third, you're still missing the other guy.
But mainly, you're giving illusions the that guy that loves you. That's not cool if you don't feel the same.
I'm sure you'll love to love him like he loves you, but you can't. Not because something is missing, but because you're not truly opening your heart to him.
The guy you knew for 10 years is no longer with you, and you need to accept that and move on.
This guy is someone new, someone different. Someone that is willing to do anything for you.
I don't know what happened on your last relationship, but it's over now for good.
If you don't like this new guy, then stop leading him on.
You're obviously emotionally unstable.
Take a breather.
To enter a new chapter into your life with this guy, you must finish your chapter with your ex.
This new guy isn't any of your exs. He's different. Do you love him no matter his flaws like he loves you?
If not, do him a favor and be honest.
Nobody likes to be used, lied, nor played.
Find someone else that will give you that connection you want.1
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